Members tony333 Posted November 22, 2018 Members Share Posted November 22, 2018 Wrote this over the last couple days. Have a melody in my head. Just need to work out, refine and record. Some places sing a little "stumbly" but that usually works itself out when I start recording and singing it out loud. Let me know what you think- Time Will Tell Randall was a good manLived out on the coastAll he wanted from his lifeWas a chance to be the most Part time at the Circle KMaking coffee overnightsSpent his time inside his headWaiting for morning light He dreamed of all the placesHe had seen on his TVThe whole world seemed so far awayAnd this ain't living free The last piece to his puzzleWas someone to walk besideSomeone he could call his ownSomeone to run and hide No one ever noticesWhen time is standing stillDare to take that leap of faithRekon they never will Only time will tellIf any dreams come trueI'll just hold on to the oneMade for me and you Lisa was a wild oneHitch hiked to the coastShoes and shirt upon her backAnd belief in the Holy Ghost A Midwest farmers daughterShe never had to tryBlue streak in her bleach blond hairDeep green summer eyes She knew she was a actressJust needed her big breakWork like hell to earn her keepThe rest she'll just take The only thing was missingIs someone to hold her tightSomeone to whisper in her ear"Everything will be alright." No one ever noticesWhen time is standing stillDare to take that leap of faithRekon they never will Only time will tellIf any dreams come trueI'll just hold on to the oneMade for me and you She came in through the front doorBell announced her timeSmiled at Randall sitting thereHeaded for a box of wine Wine up on the counterMenthols from displaySwipes her card, smiles again"Hope you have a nice day." No one ever noticesWhen time is standing stillDare to take that leap of faithMaybe they never will Only time will tellIf any dreams come trueI'll just hold on to the oneMade for me and you Randall grins and shakes his headAfraid to face his fearsAnother glance up at the clockLisa just disappears Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tony333 Posted December 17, 2018 Author Members Share Posted December 17, 2018 So edit done. I think I got all the bugs and fat out. The "work like hell..." line is a little weak IMO. But the rest I really like. Sings well to with the melody in my head. Simple chord progression. Hope to get recorded after the holidays, if the world doesn't explode before then. Randall is a good manLives out on the coastAll he's wanted from his lifeIs a chance to be the most But it's part time at the Circle KMaking coffee overnightsSpends his time inside his headWaiting on morning light He dreams of all the placesHe has seen on his TVWhole world seems so far awayAnd this ain't living free The last piece to his puzzleWould be someone to walk besideSomeone he could call his ownSomeone to run and hide No one ever noticesWhen time is standing stillDare to take that leap of faithMaybe they never will Only time will tellIf any dreams come trueI'll just hold on to the oneMade for me and you Lisa is a wild oneHitch hiked to the coastShoes and shirt upon her backAnd belief in the Holy Ghost A Midwest farmers daughterShe never had to tryBlue streak in her bleach blond hairDeep green summer eyesSure she should be famousJust needs her one big breakYearns to see her name in lightsNo matter what it takes The only thing she's missingIs someone to hold her tightSomeone to whisper in her ear"Everything will be alright." No one ever noticesWhen time is standing stillDare to take that leap of faithMaybe they never will Only time will tellIf any dreams come trueI'll just hold on to the oneMade for me and you She came in through the front doorBell cut through the timeSmiled at Randall sitting thereHeaded for a box of wine Wine up on the counterMenthols from displaySwipes her card, smiles again"Hope you have a nice day." No one ever noticesWhen time is standing stillDare to take that leap of faithMaybe they never will Only time will tellIf any dreams come trueI'll just hold on to the oneMade for me and you Randall grins and shakes his headAfraid to face his fearsAnother glance up at the clockLisa just disappears Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Delmont Posted December 18, 2018 Members Share Posted December 18, 2018 I like what you've started a lot - very "Donald and Lydia" - but it seems unfinished. How many rewrites have you done so far? It usually takes me a few dozen passes to get to where a song starts to sound finished. My first drafts get down the basic idea and take about ten minutes to write. Then I go work on them, and that takes a lot more time and thought. I don't aim at Good - that's for others to decide. I aim at Done - that's for me to decide. I had a teacher who studied writing under Raymond Carver at the Iowa Writers Workshop. When a student had something good going that wasn't quite fthere, Carver would say "Run it through the typewriter one more time." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tony333 Posted December 19, 2018 Author Members Share Posted December 19, 2018 Thank you for the feedback. This is the 3rd or 4th stab at this one. Once I start singing it I am sure there are some phrasings or words that will have to change. I am not sure about "unfinished". I feel like if I were to another verse or a few more lines, it would take it to a place that becomes to lengthy and wordy. I like the "story" as it is. I know my "process" isn't normal but I always start with the words and then fit the melody around them. I also have never sat down to write a song. They kinda come from this unknown place and I just ride the wave. I have tried before but they always get scrapped and sound forced. Good thing I have a day job. Ha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Delmont Posted December 23, 2018 Members Share Posted December 23, 2018 Thank you for the feedback. This is the 3rd or 4th stab at this one. Once I start singing it I am sure there are some phrasings or words that will have to change. . . . That's exactly how I do it. Play it, fix something, play it, fix something . . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tony333 Posted January 27, 2019 Author Members Share Posted January 27, 2019 So I have gotten to where I think it should be. I really like it. If I can ever get everyone out of the house I will get it recorded Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Delmont Posted February 3, 2019 Members Share Posted February 3, 2019 . . . If I can ever get everyone out of the house I will get it recorded That's ALWAYS the problem! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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