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Where did Devi Ever / fuzzgoddess go??

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First of all. I know she's a bit of a controversial figure. This post doesn't have anything to do with that


I just noticed how she used to do things on social media daily - nothing for a couple of months


I went to her fuzzgoddess website and now it's just a redirect to reverb..not her reverb store, but just a redirect to a fuzzgoddess search



please please please don't take this next part as an attack or criticism


I'm a little worried b/c she does have a history of some mental health problems (if she was diabetic I'd have the same concerns...it's a health issue, not a shame issue) and seeing someone just drop off the radar after pretty much living on social media 24/7 is a pretty radical change.


anyone heard anything?




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i do not see, why the last paragraph should be an attack or criticism, you just raised you concern that you haven't heard anything from her...


no i haven't heard anything either, but she hasn't been here for a couple of years, when there was this big rumble, she said she leaves this place and never coming back and as far as i can remember so it has has been


anyhow, i hope she is fine



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welp, a buddy inquired from one of the remaining retailers and I guess shes shuttered the business permanently.


I haven't heard on her well-being though which was what I was mostly worried about [img2=JSON]{"data-align":"none","data-size":"full","src":"https:\/\/www.harmonycentral.com\/forum\/core\/images\/smilies\/frown.gif"}[/img2]


With Nick of Catalinbread passing away and Devi exiting just seems like a chapter of HCFX has closed

Edited by the hankering
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message below from Devi just appeared on my FB wall


"I'm leaving the gear industry for good.


To those I owe money to, I am sorry, but not only do I have no money or resources to pay anyone back, I'm in more debt than I have ever been in my life with no escape in sight, so if you are expecting recourse from me, even if you decided to seek it legally, I literally have nothing to give. I don't even have enough time, money, or energy to file for bankruptcy, and if you think it's as simple as me getting a job somewhere and magically making enough money to pay all my debts... well I wouldn't be in this {censored} position if it were so easy.


As many of you are very well aware, I haven't been in a healthy place mentally or emotionally for a long time and had to take a long break to realize that my relationship with this business and the gear industry has been the most abusive relationship in my life. Not to mention the actual abusive relationship that I recently got out of this year. I was originally being supported by someone who promised everything in the world... I was building a new business strategy based on their support, but they bailed on me earlier this year.


People can turn their back on the truth, but growing up trans in the gear biz, constantly having to fight against bigotry while seeing bigots rewarded is soul crushing, and conversely finding out how many supposed "allies" had very little actual sympathy or understanding of the trans struggle once the {censored} really hit the fan was too much to bear.


I used to say "I can win by being better, working harder and more passionately than those around me," but the truth of the matter is, I was always fighting five times as hard for a minuscule of an amount in return.


Every trans woman who was a peer of mine rising up in this industry have all left. I think that says something in particular about the gear biz and our culture in general.


I mean for {censored}'s sake we have a government right now that is trying to erase trans identity and send us back decades culturally and scientifically, and it's a government backed by a society that enables it.


People continually demonize me for the mistakes I have made not recognizing the very real, and overwhelming struggle I have faced as a trans woman, and it took myself decades to realize that struggle myself.


I had to take time off to really see everything from an outside perspective to recognize just how absolutely ridiculously {censored}ed and backwards the gear industry is, was, and I'm sure will continue to be.


It's easy for everyone to weigh in on how they think I should have acted, or done my job, or decisions I should have made when you are looking at it from outside the perspective of being trans and struggling.


There's only so many times I can bare to see enemies and supposed allies say "She just uses being trans as an excuse" before it feels hopeless to even try to begin to explain or do anything.


Do better for trans people, not just in this industry but in general.


I'm haunted by an acquaintance of mine in indie game development who last year set herself on fire in a Portland park because life was too much to bear and she wanted to do something last ditch to somehow make people give a {censored}ing damn.


Her last words were "I didn't think it would hurt this much."


Even worse, her death was hardly reported on, and it was only a small circle who checked up on her from time to time that even heard about it.


Stop ignoring how {censored}ed things are for trans people, and understand that when you see them struggle. When you see them dealing with mental health issues. When you see them struggling financially. It's not simple, and it's definitely a lot more a problem of the culture we live in, than trans folk's capabilities.


It's taken me far too long to realize this industry has never and will never be a healthy place for a trans person to exist in, and for all the other trans women out there who have to struggle through it, I am so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better example and fight harder, but I just can't anymore, for my own health and safety.


I don't expect any sympathy from anyone on this, and I expect the usual deluge of folks weighing with there two cents on how awful a person I am for the mistakes I've repeatedly made.


Well don't worry, I'm gone for good now. I'm more excited about working a {censored}ty day job where the only people I have to answer to on a day to day basis are a few dozen rather than the weight of an entire culture / industry.


My final statement : Please. I am begging you. Support trans folk. Stop ignoring our struggle. Stop excusing awful people (including allies) who, when push comes to shove, will throw trans folk under the bus. Now more than ever we need your support."

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oh dear, that's a big statement.

I do kinda think it was probably healthier for her not be be on social media - it did seem to consume her to detriment of so much else.


I don't mean this as a dismissal of the transgender experience, but I think there are major aspects of that statement are part-and-parcel with ongoing MH issues that are deeply comprehensive.


I sincerely hope (and if she's reading, please consider) she is seeking...and heeding the advice of...mental health counseling - in patient may even be warranted now.

i'm bringing that up because it could be a safety issue at this point.

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