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Idunno

I Tried To Write A Letter

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Not sure where this sits in today's musical climate. I'm a 70's throw-back and it shows in my work. The lyrics might seem decadent or timeless, your sensibilities telling you which, but musically I lean towards a sing-songy lyric above a fairly even melody.

 

I Tried To Write A Letter (Remember that first lost love?)

 

I tried to write a letter to you

Couldn’t make the call

Didn’t want to hear your voice

Still reeling from the fall

 

Pen and paper didn’t work

The words just cost too much

Staring down at the table

Through another drink of crutch

 

I’ve walked a mile around this room

It’s become a game

A competition with myself

It always ends the same

Yea it always ends the same

 

So I closed my eyes and wished it all away. (Chorus)

 

I took to strolling round the block

To look for something new

Maybe changes in the scenery

To take my mind off you

 

I’ll be alright, I know I will

I’m not really all that bad

I just never thought I’d ever see

The day that I’d been had

 

I’m taking time to think it through

I’m in between right now

I should have listened to my head

But...I loved you... anyhow.

 

 

And I close my eyes to wish you far away. (Chorus)

 

 

Chorus-

 

Falling hard both in and out

Love took a part from me

Going in it shut my eyes

I still can’t clearly see

Told it’s just a fact of life

Wiser people say

But I never knew that I would have to pay.

 

https://app.box.com/s/2mw9tt3qttknuj1rmksw5aj2ym5xqee9

Edited by Idunno

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Hey--

I have a lot of thoughts about your track. I'll focus on criticism as this might be the most useful. Obviously this is opinion, take or leave.

I think musically it does have a cool 70s folk throwback vibe, somewhere between America and Love maybe. It does sound a little frozen in time, but you're clearly not trying to storm the charts here. Great, great guitar playing....I'm jealous.

I think there's maybe a disconnect between the airy wistful folk vibe of the music and melody and some of the hard drinking, down on your luck lyric, which feels more like a bluesy rock thing in places.

I think the lyric could be tightened up a lot, there's a lot of fluff and cliche (e.g. "I took to strolling round the block").

Your title, which you need to repeat I think, is "Falling Hard Both In and Out" - that's a unique phrase. You have a few more (drink of crutch).

I think the second verse is mostly a throwaway and provides literally no new information that would make this song more interesting and engaging...how were you "had"...how is walking a mile around a room a competition, between what and what? how did you fall, why did you fall, why did you love her so much you were so blind? You never say, you just tell us a bunch of stuff about you and your feelings vs. show us any detail that would make it real, so I get bored...why should I care? And I check out.

Very cool, thanks for posting.

My $.02, take or leave.

Hope this helps.

Edited by mbfrancis

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