Members tony333 Posted May 16, 2016 Members Share Posted May 16, 2016 There are 2 things I am accutely aware of- 1. My playing is too simple and usually pretty bad. 2. My singing is worse. but I love writing lyrics and gettjng them down into bare bone ideas. I need to align myself with some real musicians to make them really come to life. They sound really different in my head. This is called Halfway Home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted May 17, 2016 Members Share Posted May 17, 2016 You did good...keep playing and trying more contrast in the sections...can't comment on the lyrics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tony333 Posted May 17, 2016 Author Members Share Posted May 17, 2016 Cant believe I forgot the lyrics- Halfway Home VI Well I woke up this morning, not sure of where I've been Looks like we did that thing we do again And my head will quit hurting, once this Benzo kicks in God knows I need to learn to say when VII Last thing I remember was sippin from a mason jar Can't say for sure but I believe it was filled with fire I must have had some good times from all these stitches and these scars Sometimes I push it past just a little to far Chorus Now I'm halfway home For a minute I thought i might of got too far gone All these late night promises and the things that I've done wrong And I don't know how I made it to halfway home VIII People say a man my age should know a better way But I don't give a damn what people say I'll just keep on rolling on and living day to day Mr Neil said it's better to burn out than to fade away Chorus VIV Someday I might take the time to learn from my mistakes Till then I'll just keep doing what it takes To keep my head above the clouds and a smile upon my face I'll ask for forgiveness at the pearly gates Chorus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted May 18, 2016 Members Share Posted May 18, 2016 The fire rhyme and the pearly gate could use some work...might try and tighten up how many syllables in the scares line to match the 1st verse...maybe take out a word or two throughout. Less is often better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tullsterx Posted July 16, 2016 Members Share Posted July 16, 2016 I really like this. You might experiment with some chord variations, like tbry suggested, in addition to the rhythmic variations, in the chorus. . . I just did some experimenting, you might try an Em when the chorus comes in. I think that adds an interesting flavor and helps highlight the chorus and the real thematic HOOK of the song. I'd like to hear more of what you're working on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members drobster67 Posted July 18, 2016 Members Share Posted July 18, 2016 I thought this was pretty good. I enjoyed the singing. An acoustic guitar and a voice were the beginning of a lot of very good songs. I know what you are trying to express (how you hear it in your head versus what it sounds like). I have the same issues, and in my experience, it never really comes out the way I hear it in my head, mainly because my voice doesn't cooperate. I really don't have any sage advice to give. Maybe think about what it is that is missing from the version in your head versus this version. Is it a full band you are hearing? Drums, bass guitar, piano, electric guitars, etc. Figure out how to get those missing elements in. I guarantee, if you work with other people, they are are going to add their two cents (good or bad)...but you will likely draw ideas from that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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