Members Anderton Posted December 23, 2015 Members Posted December 23, 2015 This "Craig's List" column I wrote for Electronic Musician back in 2012 has become somewhat of a holiday classic, like your uncle Fred passing out drunk and knocking over the Christmas tree. For your reading pleasure...with apologies to any Kenny G fans. The Five Most Toxic Hazards of Holiday Music 1You’ll hear “Carol of the Bells.” I mean, doesn’t this really sound like it should accompany some scary nightmarish scene from a Tim Burton film? On the plus side, it has the distinction of being one of the few Christmas carols with the power to depress— helpful if you’re feeling too cheery! 2Stupefyingly bad “contemporary” holiday songs. If I never hear Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime,” or Neil Diamond’s fake Jamaican accent at the beginning of his reggae version of “Rudolph the Red- Nosed Reindeer” (I’m not making this up), it will be too soon. PARENTAL WARNING: Diamond’s version is on YouTube, and accessible to children under 13. 3“The Little Drummer Boy” lyrics “pa rum pum pum pum." Okay, it’s a nice little song pa rum pum pum pum, but does it really need to end pa rum pum pum pum every single pa rum pum pum pum effing line with pa rum pum pum pum? But, credit where credit is due: That song was written before computerized cut-and- paste. 4“Santa Claus Is Coming to Town—The Police State Mix.” “You better watch out . . . he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake . . . making a list, checking it twice . . . he knows if you’ve been good or bad . . .” Threats, spying, database of offenders, summary judgements without trial—Santa sounds like a cross between a pedophile, the DHS, and your creepy uncle Sammy. 5Kenny G’s holiday music tours. So there you are at the local casino, doing a little gambling, maybe helping some Native Americans extract their revenge on the original illegal immigrants, and you find that . . . Kenny G is playing his holiday tour and that particular casino is one of his victims! Run!
Members blue2blue Posted December 23, 2015 Members Posted December 23, 2015 Let's not forget "12 Days of Christmas" parodies. The Neil Diamond reggae "Rudolph" sounds terrifying...
Phil O'Keefe Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Great post Craig - I had a few good laughs while reading it!
Members Anderton Posted December 23, 2015 Author Members Posted December 23, 2015 The Neil Diamond reggae "Rudolph" sounds terrifying... Actually it would qualify as "obscene" if you accept the Supreme Court's definition as something of "no redeeming social value."
Members WRGKMC Posted December 23, 2015 Members Posted December 23, 2015 Most Toxic Hazards of Holiday Music? Dirt.
CMS Author MikeRivers Posted December 23, 2015 CMS Author Posted December 23, 2015 My complaint about holiday music is that you can't get away from it. Even the most eclectic radio stations are playing eclectic Christmas music.
Phil O'Keefe Posted December 23, 2015 Posted December 23, 2015 Most Toxic Hazards of Holiday Music? Dirt. I always thought Pigpen played keyboards... (sorry - that one's for the Deadheads...)
CMS Author MikeRivers Posted December 23, 2015 CMS Author Posted December 23, 2015 What's on your Christmas playlist? 1. Santa Got A DWI - Sherwin Lynton2. Christmast At K-Mart - Root Boy Slim3. Woodshop Christmas Carols - Woody Phillips4. Yingle Bells - Yougi Yorgesson5. 12 Days of Christmas - Alan Sherman6. Monster's Holiday - Bobby Pickett7. Dig That Crazy Santa Claus - Oscar McLollie & The Honeyjumpers8. Christmas Comes But Once But Once A Year - Tom Leher9. Hanukkah Rocks - The LeeVees10. Santa Fly - Martin Mull11. My Night Before Christmas - Julie Brown12. Christmas Welders Working - Dr. Lee Tomboulian13. I Saw Elvis Dressed As Santa Claus - The Fibs14. Christmas In Jail - The Youngsters15. Back Door Santa - Clarence Carter16. I Want Eddie Fisher For Christmas - Betty Johnson17. Jingle Bells - Chubby Checker & Bobby Rydell18. Somebody Stole My Santa Claus Suit - Dan Hicks19. I Found The Brains of Santa Claus Underneath My Bed - Tim Cavinaugh20. 'Twas The Night Before The Acid Test - (anyone?)
Members WRGKMC Posted December 23, 2015 Members Posted December 23, 2015 I always thought Pigpen played keyboards... (sorry - that one's for the Deadheads...) That was Schroeder who always kept a head of Beethoven on his piano.
Members Vito Corleone Posted December 24, 2015 Members Posted December 24, 2015 Stupefyingly bad “contemporary” holiday songs. If I never hear Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime,” I was surprised to read this a few days ago: Hold onto those Santa Claus hats, because the impossible has happened. Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is no longer the most-played Christmas song. PlayNetwork, a company that creates playlists for more than 400 stores, has compiled a list of the 20 songs consumers will hear most this holiday season — and Carey’s 1994 hit has been bumped down to number 2. Instead, The Shins’ cover of Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime,” has claimed the top spot. http://www.ew.com/article/2015/12/14/mariah-carey-all-i-want-christmas-not-no-1 I'm not conciously aware of ever having heard this cover, although presumably it's been blasted into my head while shopping?
Members Anderton Posted December 26, 2015 Author Members Posted December 26, 2015 What's on your Christmas playlist? 1. Santa Got A DWI - Sherwin Lynton 2. Christmast At K-Mart - Root Boy Slim 3. Woodshop Christmas Carols - Woody Phillips 4. Yingle Bells - Yougi Yorgesson 5. 12 Days of Christmas - Alan Sherman 6. Monster's Holiday - Bobby Pickett 7. Dig That Crazy Santa Claus - Oscar McLollie & The Honeyjumpers 8. Christmas Comes But Once But Once A Year - Tom Leher 9. Hanukkah Rocks - The LeeVees 10. Santa Fly - Martin Mull 11. My Night Before Christmas - Julie Brown 12. Christmas Welders Working - Dr. Lee Tomboulian 13. I Saw Elvis Dressed As Santa Claus - The Fibs 14. Christmas In Jail - The Youngsters 15. Back Door Santa - Clarence Carter 16. I Want Eddie Fisher For Christmas - Betty Johnson 17. Jingle Bells - Chubby Checker & Bobby Rydell 18. Somebody Stole My Santa Claus Suit - Dan Hicks 19. I Found The Brains of Santa Claus Underneath My Bed - Tim Cavinaugh 20. 'Twas The Night Before The Acid Test - (anyone?) Don't forget "Christmas in Jail," by The Youngsters! [video=youtube;cToLtWJdAyY]
CMS Author MikeRivers Posted December 27, 2015 CMS Author Posted December 27, 2015 Don't forget "Christmas in Jail," by The Youngsters! I didn't. It's #14 on my list. I didn't include Crabs For Christmas because it's not a commercial recording. http://www.ampexguy.com/kiri/crabs.for.christmas.studio.version.mp3
Members Notes_Norton Posted December 27, 2015 Members Posted December 27, 2015 Nice post Craig, put a smile on my face. Fortunately, unlike the Charlie Brown Christmas Revisited, it is easy to avoid. It's sometimes called the worst movie ever made - and when I bought a collection of 'classic' science fiction films in the early DVD days, it was in the collection: Per Wiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus_Conquers_the_Martians Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a 1964 science fiction comedy film that regularly appears on lists of the worst films ever made. It is regularly featured in the "bottom 100" list on the Internet Movie Database, and was featured in an episode of the 1986 syndicated series, the Canned Film Festival. It was directed by Nicholas Webster, and it stars John Call as Santa Claus. It also includes an 8-year-old Pia Zadora playing the role of one of the Martian children and also marks the first documented appearance of Mrs. Claus in a motion picture (Doris Rich plays the role), coming three weeks before the TV special Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer also featured the character.<...snip...> Bad plot, bad screenplay, bad acting, bad cinematography - I watched it and my thought was they actually spend the money to make and distribute this film. What weren't they thinking? Anybody else get tricked into seeing it? Back on topic.................................... I've played many Christmas songs year after year after year after year. Some I still like, some have lost all their appeal. But for the USA working musician making a living playing private parties, they are IMHO better than St Patrick Day songs. You spend a lot of time learning them, and the Christmas Songs you can play half a month, giving you a decent return for the time invested. Same amount of time, St. Patty day songs you play for one or perhaps two days max. Listening to them on the radio? Not me, I'll push the button or get out the iPod. I don't need a rock 'n' roll or faux-soul version of a Gene Autry "western swing" song. I don't need to hear "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year" and there is only one valid arrangement of the drummer boy - Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I'm not opposed to others enjoying them, I like the holidays, and I don't even mind the crass commercialization of the obligatory Christmas Album, I'm just weary of them. It's like they are brought to you by the Department Of Redundancy Department. Insights and incites by Notes
Members Anderton Posted December 27, 2015 Author Members Posted December 27, 2015 I didn't. It's #14 on my list. Guess I should have bought new glasses for Christmas
Members Beck Posted December 28, 2015 Members Posted December 28, 2015 Too funny Craig! A lot of traditional Christmas music in minor and very dark. Growing up Lutheran and singing in the choir since I can remember, I'm used to the dark feel, but when I really think about it, much of it is not very cheery.
Members AlamoJoe Posted December 28, 2015 Members Posted December 28, 2015 The only Christmas song that ever really moves me is "I'll be home for Christmas". And only because my Great Uncle, who was in Europe in 1944-1946, always teared up a bit when it would get played at family Christmases. As did my Great Aunt who was waiting for him when he returned. I avoid the song, but when it catches me......
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