Members LCK Posted November 17, 2015 Members Share Posted November 17, 2015 "Someone to Dream About"(3:52) Intro.Yes, I’m aware that it’s lonelyto constantly live in the glowof the past, but by now you should know me,Mr. Never Letting Go… 1If I’ve lost track of what I’m sayingif my clothes don’t fit me right,and if I hear orchestras playingin the middle of the night,then it’s probably trueI’ve been dreaming of you.Well, what else can I dobut keep on dreaming? 2If I’m clueless that it’s raining,or leave my cell phone in a cab,or the barkeep keeps explaining“You already paid your tab,”then it’s probably trueI’ve been dreaming of you.Well, what else can I dobut keep on dreaming? CodaFor what good is life withoutsomeone to dream about?For me that someone is you. Words & Music © 2015 Lee Charles Kelley West Sixty Ninth Street Music (ASCAP) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted November 18, 2015 Members Share Posted November 18, 2015 I see how this has evolved from the 1st draft. Good changes.My only suggestion is to dump the word, 'probably' It's clunky to sing all those puh's and buh's.Replace with either: then perhaps it's trueorthen maybe it's true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted November 18, 2015 Author Members Share Posted November 18, 2015 I see how this has evolved from the 1st draft. Good changes. My only suggestion is to dump the word, 'probably' It's clunky to sing all those puh's and buh's. Replace with either: then perhaps it's true or then maybe it's true. I'm way ahead of you! The more I sing this in my head, the more I drop the "probably" altogether. Just "It's probably true..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted November 19, 2015 Members Share Posted November 19, 2015 Musically this is great. That minor chord at the end of the verse is especially nice. Might get to 'about' in the coda a little quicker, but that sort of delivery thing usually sorts itself out the more you play it. Are you going to write another verse are stick with the repeat of 2? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted November 19, 2015 Author Members Share Posted November 19, 2015 Musically this is great. That minor chord at the end of the verse is especially nice. Might get to 'about' in the coda a little quicker, but that sort of delivery thing usually sorts itself out the more you play it. Are you going to write another verse are stick with the repeat of 2? Thanks for the feedback. I'm undecided about using an additional verse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted November 20, 2015 Members Share Posted November 20, 2015 Hey LCK, sorry I haven't had much time to comment. For the most part this is great, love the start, but I think the melody and music seem to lose their was halfway through the verses. The last 2 lines should be really strong and they just seem to wander. Wish I could be more articulate than that.Also I'd call this Keep on Dreaming. Or Maybe "Keep Keep on Dreaming" to be more memorable.Hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted November 20, 2015 Author Members Share Posted November 20, 2015 Hey LCK, sorry I haven't had much time to comment. For the most part this is great, love the start, but I think the melody and music seem to lose their was halfway through the verses. The last 2 lines should be really strong and they just seem to wander. Wish I could be more articulate than that. Also I'd call this Keep on Dreaming. Or Maybe "Keep Keep on Dreaming" to be more memorable. Hope this helps. So you like the parts where the melody lifts with a kind of yearning, but when it winds down, or closes back in on itself, it loses your interest? Oh, and it was actually called "Keep on Dreaming" at one point... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted November 24, 2015 Members Share Posted November 24, 2015 So you like the parts where the melody lifts with a kind of yearning, but when it winds down, or closes back in on itself, it loses your interest? Yeah wish I could be more specific. If I had more time I'd throw out an example. It just doesn't feel as natural and deliberate, more meandering. Over he holiday I'll give it another listen. I could be wrong of course... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted November 24, 2015 Author Members Share Posted November 24, 2015 Yeah wish I could be more specific. If I had more time I'd throw out an example. It just doesn't feel as natural and deliberate, more meandering. Over he holiday I'll give it another listen. I could be wrong of course... Yeah, I'd love to hear something from you. I have an idea in mind, but it's about 50% of what I think you're looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted November 29, 2015 Members Share Posted November 29, 2015 OK gave this another listen...here is some specific stuff, just on music/melody: * Really like the intro. works.* First two lines of verse are great* Big thing I think for me I think hanging on the same root for 12 beats at "and if I hear..." kills the momentum for me. I get you want to break up the flow, but for me it breaks it too much. And you wait a while to get *back* to the rhythm of a chord every two or four bars.* I would sing the last line of the verse faster, in a rush..."than keep on dreaming.' Save the drawn out bit for the last one.* Whistle is perfect there. I would do one ,more "then it's probably true" line and end. Hope this helps! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted November 29, 2015 Author Members Share Posted November 29, 2015 OK gave this another listen...here is some specific stuff, just on music/melody: * Big thing I think for me I think hanging on the same root for 12 beats at "and if I hear..." kills the momentum for me. I get you want to break up the flow, but for me it breaks it too much. And you wait a while to get *back* to the rhythm of a chord every two or four bars.! Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, I don't know what to do there in that middle section. The previous root motion has a kind of descending pattern, which doesn't seem to work on the E chord. First section: C Em Am Second: D- D/C# D7 Third: E-, E-, E-, E-, Fourth: E-7, E-7, A7, A7 ???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted November 29, 2015 Author Members Share Posted November 29, 2015 Maybe I shouldn't have the descending bass lines in the other sections? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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