Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 13, 2015 Moderators Share Posted August 13, 2015 Editing here as I go: Each time I try love With someone new It's impossible Is it... easy for you? Some are pretty Or smart, some don't have a clue Still it's hard Is it... easy for you? Easy for you to say Goodbye Easy for you Not to cry Easy for you to wonder why I Wonder why Every time I swear I'll move On through Change perspective, my point Of view Bells start ringing but they don't Ring true I know I'll never, never Follow through Cause it's something I've suspected no I guess I knew... It's easy for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted August 13, 2015 Members Share Posted August 13, 2015 I like it.There's an implied backstory which is a subtle songwriting method. 2 lines to possibly consider: Easy for you to Not cry maybe will sing easier as: Easy for you Not to cry And this line seems to come out of left field without context: Bells start ringing but they ring But otherwise the song has a sparse simplicity that I think works rather well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted August 13, 2015 Members Share Posted August 13, 2015 This is really great. Only thing I'd consider changing is the word 'perspective.' It seemed like too much word considering how distilled the rest of it is. There is something really nice between perspective and suspected though, so maybe not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted August 13, 2015 Members Share Posted August 13, 2015 Very nicely done. I agree with OGP about "not to cry" vs. "to not cry," but it could be totally dependent on the tune as to which works better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 13, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted August 13, 2015 "Not to cry" is better. I was sticking to a strict cadence just to motivate the writing but I really like the break from it there and the more realistic speech as well. Nice. I absolutely agree with OGP's reaction to the bell line. Though I do like the image of bells ringing true but here, for him, their ring is more clangor than chime. Don't know. I hear you Rhino on "perspective". I'm sure I can whittle it away without any loss though I did dig the "suspected" foreshadowing rhyme. Other thoughts on "perspective"? Alts? I'm hearing an olde timey alt/indie feel of informal acoustic, simple upright piano and some covert synth bed; just a dark pulse really, with very intimate and quiet vocals. Ideas are WAY welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted August 13, 2015 Members Share Posted August 13, 2015 I'd try it with perspective first. That sort of rhyme with suspected later is too cool to not try. If it feels jumbled when you come up with a melody I'd try cutting 'my' first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 13, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted August 13, 2015 Ah^^^ good call on "my". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted August 13, 2015 Members Share Posted August 13, 2015 I absolutely agree with OGP's reaction to the bell line. Though I do like the image of bells ringing true but here' date=' for him, their ring is more clangor than chime.[/quote'] Bells start ringing but they don't ring true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 13, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted August 13, 2015 That's it ^^^ thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 14, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted August 14, 2015 Updated lyric in post 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted August 14, 2015 Members Share Posted August 14, 2015 Hey Lee, this is fantastic, so simple, so smart. Love all the wordplay. So good. * For me this feels like a classic AABA, so I'd love to see another A section before you go off at the end ("Every time I swear I'll move"). In fact I'd love to take a crack at writing music for it if you have none, but it would be a total standard-type thing.* Only things that are a little off to me are the lines "Every time I swear I'll move / On through / Change perspective, my point / Of view" - feels like you're saying the same thing 3x basically, could be made more interesting with other detail. * I assume you';re intentionally making us think your 'is it?'s are referring to what came before - i.e. is it impossible, is it hard. The melody will be key here...the more we're invested in that connection, the more confusing "easy for you" will be when it comes in. I think there might be some tension there. Hope this makes sense. Great stuff, Lee, love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 14, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted August 14, 2015 You are welcome to write music! I do have some ideas but am ok with a colab too. Have at it. a second bridge will probably be needed, yes. The last verse breaks form as a build to the end. It could always be written to reflect V1 and 2 then later repeated as is or close... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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