Members rickidoo Posted July 14, 2015 Members Share Posted July 14, 2015 The Gospel According to JohnBy Richard Dieffenbach, Joseph Tuohey, Jeanne Ferreira- Dieffenbach© 2015 Richard Dieffenbach, Joseph Tuohey, Jeanne Ferreira- Dieffenbach I've been away for a while. Truth is, I haven't been able to write much. So I was just reworking old songs. At any rate, this song is something I enjoyed collaboration on with my lovely wife and a good family friend over the last week or so. Maybe I can get back on the saddle. It isn't complete, consider it draft#2. I wish no disrespect to anyone's religion. I miss John Lennon. Comments? V1:What would Jesus sayif he came back, todaywhen he looks aroundin tears, will he drown? V2:Pockets full of politiciansBigots handing down traditionsBible thumpers twisting wordsWhere’s the love that should be heardWhile the oceans riseThe hungry children cryThe Corporate dung, the devil’s son <<< maybe the devil's home run instead for both?Has it come to becould it bethat love has died?Recall the gospel, according to john(spoken: like he said) C1:All we need is loveAll we need is loveAll we need is loveLove is all we needLove is all we need [iNSTRUMENTAL INTERLUDE] Pockets full of politiciansBigots handing down traditionsBible thumpers twisting wordsWhere’s the love that should be heardWhile the oceans riseThe hungry children dieThe Corporate dung, the devil’s own sonHas it come to becould it bethat love has died?Let’s sing the gospel, according to john(spoken: repeat after me) C2:All we need is loveAll we need is loveAll we need is loveLove is all we needLove is all we need(repeats) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 14, 2015 Members Share Posted July 14, 2015 I'm not sure how I feel about using "All we need is love" even though you are doing it in a very respectful way. It comes across as more of an homage than a rip off. "Sing the gospel according to John" is a really nice touch. Some of the phrasing seems off. "In tears, will he drown" comes to mind. I think the following could be worked into the song I wish no disrespect to anyone's religion I miss John Lennon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted July 15, 2015 Members Share Posted July 15, 2015 I enjoyed listening. I think it's a nice homage to John Winston L. I like your alternative line 'The devil's home run'. I like Rhino's suggestion. Maybe mix it as a chant way in the distance with the instrumental break: No disrespect to your religionI just miss John Winston LennonNo disrespect to your religionI just miss John Winston Lennon Nice to see you again Rick…..please stay awhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted July 15, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 15, 2015 Hi Git and Rhino, It's good to be back. Me plans on staying. Brilliant brilliant brilliant on the talking... but I replaced the final chorus with it instead of the middle. Seem to work good on the fade? I also stuck 'miss him miss him miss him..' in the final few seconds. As I recall, there was something played backwards on a beatles song that said "paul is dead miss him miss him miss him'. It seemed to fit. Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted July 15, 2015 Members Share Posted July 15, 2015 This is really great - hard to comment on, actually, such a big idea. You really nail an early John Lennon vibe in the verse. Two things jumped out: * The verse kind of dies for me at "corporate dung" - feels like you're directionless for a bit. Maybe you hear other parts, but the melody and lyric didn't carry it when the pacing slowed down.* Consider breaking up the chorus: All we need is loveAll we need is lovesomething something A / something rhymes w Aand all we need is lovewe'll sing into your head / what the wise man said....dunno Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted July 15, 2015 Members Share Posted July 15, 2015 This is great stuff, Rick! Nicely done. I have a few problems with the lyric, though. Pockets full of politiciansBigots handing down traditionsBible thumpers twisting wordsWhere’s the love that should be heard It seems to me that "pockets full of politicians" is meant to suggest that the fat cats have the government in their "pockets," which is fine, but as written it could mean any number of things. As for "Where's the love that should be heard," that's also a bit off to my ears. Looking at it on the "page," it sort of makes sense. The religion right are twisting God's word when they should be preaching love, right? But how can a concept or feeling (like love) be heard? Maybe: Bible thumpers twisting wordsWhen love's the word that should be heard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted July 16, 2015 Author Members Share Posted July 16, 2015 To all: This the next draft. It has been dramatically changed from before. It now starts very soft, and leaves out the drums until 60% of the song is over, and then they only stay to the end of the verse, then everything goes silent except for piano chords and the echo of "all we need is love.". I wanted to start soft and end solemn. Link to song My lyrical co-writers are on the road and I need to run some thoughts on things lyrical with them so thsi version lyrics are the same. LCK's comment about love-heard is of most concern. Rhino, I had added the "I wish no disrespect thing where it remained until I decided to end the drums early. I liked the idea until the drums dropped. Question - when you say: "Some of the phrasing seems off. "In tears, will he drown" comes to mind." .. are you speaking about the grammer of it, or the prosity in the singing? Thanks for listening and I did have a lot of fun crafting the "I wish no disrespect" thing until I had to take it out. ========================= Git, Thanks for listeninga nd as I mentioned to Rhino the chanting thing worked until I changed the struture of the ending. I decided in teh "instrumental" just to whisper the names of some of his more well know social justice songs. This kept the focus on him, which I felt was important. As always, thank you so much for listening and critiqing. =====================mbfrancis, Thanks for listening! Corporate dung, devils son - I change it the 2nd version to Corporate dung, the devils own son ... but I think I will ne changing toCorporate dung, the devils home run .. which should take care of the problem? It also solves another problem, "son" sounds like "sung" when sung. :-) ============================ LCK, Thanks for listening and your comments are much appreciated. I had not thought about the multiple interpretations of pocketfuls other than a literal translation. I was hoping the listener woudl bounce off of that but then discard it just as fast in favor of the intended meaning, which you described right on. The love-heard thing is concerning. I see by your example one way, but I need to think some more. The verse recordings are not final. Thanks again. ========================= And thanks to all! Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 16, 2015 Members Share Posted July 16, 2015 Grammar... I always try and write as close to natural speech patterns as possible. That line feels like it's worded that way to get the rhyme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.