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The Sensible Solution


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I have the music for this one in pretty good shape already but I am struggling with the second verse, among other spots (highlighted). Any ideas would be appreciated.

 

*wave*

 

The Sensible Solution

 

If it doesn't feel right

Yet it doesn't seem wrong

Is it the sensible solution

And it I set my sights

Just a little too long

Will it always feel this way

If I drive all night

And race the dawn

Will I stay ahead of the confusion

And find the sensible solution

 

If we win this fight

But it takes too long

Is that a sensible solution

And if the morning light

Doesn't bring dawn

Should we have found another way

When it's black and white

With the colors all gone

Will we have reached a conclusion

Will it be the sensible solution

 

 

Say what you will girl

But say what you mean

I'll stay

If you really think it's worth it

How does it feel

To know what I've seen

 

 

Instrumental

 

 

If it doesn't feel right

Yet it doesn't seem wrong

Is it the sensible solution

And if this all night drive

Just takes me back home

Does that mean this is where I'll stay

And if I win this fight

That's been going on so long

Will it just be an illusion.

Is there a sensible solution

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The verses are fine. I'm not hearing any better -ite rhymes than "fight" and it sets up the callback in the final verse nicely.

 

Bridge is a little empty (Like a Rolling Stone?). How about a different riff on sensible in the bridge?

 

If it's for your feet

Wear sensible shoes

But if it's for us

I got some news

Don't give me these blues

You have to choose

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Very cool...some ideas:

 

The Sensible Solution

 

If it doesn't feel right

Yet it doesn't seem wrong

Is it the sensible solution

And it I set my sights

Just a little too long

Will it always feel this way

If I drive all night

And race the dawn

Will I stay ahead of the illusion (anything but confusion)

And find the sensible solution

 

If we win this fight

but we both still lose

Is that a sensible solution

And if the morning light

forces us to choose

Should we have found another way

When it's black and white

With the colors all gone

Will we have reached a conclusion

Will it be the sensible solution

[/quote}

 

 

 

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I likes it so far.

 

I'd have to hear the music to get more of a handle on how the lyric works, but as it is now the "drive all night" stuff is the only thing that rubs me the wrong way a little. And I can't say why, except that it sounds made up for the sake of the song while the rest of the lyric rings more true and clear.

 

And I like Martin's suggestions, though I'd use "yet" instead of "but." (Again, I'm not sure why.)

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The verses are fine. I'm not hearing any better -ite rhymes than "fight" and it sets up the callback in the final verse nicely.

 

Bridge is a little empty (Like a Rolling Stone?).

 

That bridge may be more to your liking when you hear it.....I'm hoping. I extend the vocal phrasing with some guitar chords that lead into that instrumental in the same pattern. I'll have music posted soon and perhaps you'll revisit that.

 

What bothers me about the first "fight' is that I like it better in the last verse and I don't know about using it twice like that.......you think that works ok, though?

 

Will I stay ahead of the illusion (anything but confusion)

And find the sensible solution

 

If we win this fight

but we both still lose

Is that a sensible solution

And if the morning light

forces us to choose

 

Hmmmmm.........you don't like "confusion". The problem is that I really like where I already have "illusion" in the last verse. Must ponder this one. I'll say a bit more about the importance of that in a minute.

 

I like the verse ideas......I tend to keep a rhyme scheme throughout a song.....wrong...long....gone....this would break that pattern which might be a good thing. I'll sing that verse in and we'll see.

 

as it is now the "drive all night" stuff is the only thing that rubs me the wrong way a little. And I can't say why, except that it sounds made up for the sake of the song while the rest of the lyric rings more true and clear.

 

Smiling at this, Lee.......because this song was born with that lyric. I was noodling chords and up popped "drive all night and race the dawn". It worked with what I was playing so I sat back and thought about why he might be doing that. I worked up the story line around that.

 

But...hmmmm....Martin doesn't like confusion either....let me post up the song with these lyrics sung in for a first take and we can see.

 

I appreciate this input.

 

 

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Doesn't have to be 'illusion'...'confusion' just feels more tell than show, such an obvious word. I think ideally it's something concrete and real like 'pollution' to set off the general 'solution'...but there are few rhymes for that word alas...

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I went after the vocals on this one yesterday. I sang in your changes, Martin, but I could not get past the need to sing "doesn't bring dawn",

 

And I looked for ways to get "confusion" out but kept realizing that my guy WAS confused. So "confusion" is still in as well. Smile.

 

Here is what it is sounding like:

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13146267

 

It's good to be working with you all again.....even when I make few changes, I always get a better focus from airing things out like this.

 

*wave*

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Really like this - feels like your "way" lines should also feature a rhyme. Ideas.

 

If it doesn't feel right

Yet it doesn't seem wrong

Is it the sensible solution

And it I set my sights

Just a little too long

Will WE FIND A RESOLUTION

If I drive all night

And race the dawn

Will I stay ahead of the confusion

And find the sensible solution

 

If we win this fight

But it takes too long

Is that a sensible solution

And if the morning light

Doesn't bring dawn

DO WE NEED A RESOLUTION

When it's black and white

With the colors all gone

Will we have reached a conclusion

Will it be the sensible solution

 

If it doesn't feel right

Yet it doesn't seem wrong

Is it the sensible solution

And if this all night drive

BRINGS US SIMPLE RETRIBUTION

Does that mean this is where I'll stay

And if I win this fight

That's been going on so long

Will it just be an illusion.

Is there a sensible solution

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Say what you will girl

But say what you mean

I'll stay

If you really think it's worth it

How does it feel

To know what I've seen

 

^At first, I was thinking the bridge was too long... but then listened again and thought that the melody on the last line might sound better if it descends leading into the instrumental. It might sound good in contrast to the melody uptick on all of the 'tion' words... solution, confusion, conclusion, etc...

 

Not a huge fan of the organ palm smear... they tend to only sound good and authentic on a real organ. On a keyboard emulation... they sound... a bit not good. :cool:

 

Really nice tune Lenny and nice to see you back.

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"Palm smear"...so that's what that's called...good to know.

 

Well, there's the palm smear... and then there's the ol' run your finger up and down the keyboard.

 

I'm not sure if I made up that term...

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