Members oldgitplayer Posted May 5, 2015 Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 When I was a young man I tried reading the Bible. It left me an agnostic.There was one part that intrigued me however, and that is the Book of Revelations that nobody really understands.So Ive drawn from a couple of chapters and written a lyric that deviates from the text and is not really meant to be understood - I think it just captures an atmosphere.It's probably part of my 'John Wesley Harding' near-equivalent album. One thing that still needs doing is developing the transition from Narrator 1 in the verses to Narrator 2 in the Chorus. I'll probably create a pre-chorus to do this. What do you think? Is it worth developing into a song? Mystery is my Name V1The angel of the seven bowlsSaid come and walk with meAnd let me show you judgementsThat span the earth and seaAnd she showed to me the kingsWho were taken by the whoreAnd she showed me all the thingsThat make us call for more ChI am the whore of BabylonBe sure to feed my flameStrings pulled by the AntichristA pawn in God’s strange gameYou can call me anythingBut Mystery is my name V2The fallen kings have been and goneAnd new ones drink the powerWith the whore of BabylonWho rules their final hourSo call upon your wisdomAnd use it to unlearnFalse stories that nest in the heartWith promise of return ChI am the whore of BabylonBe sure to feed my flameStrings pulled by the AntichristA pawn in God’s strange gameYou can call me anythingBut Mystery is my name Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted May 5, 2015 Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yes songworthy, yes John Wesley Harding style. Untroubled by the transition from V1 to V2 - Mystery is her name, why do I need to understand more? This is a good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted May 5, 2015 Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yes songworthy, yes John Wesley Harding style. Untroubled by the transition from V1 to V2 - Mystery is her name, why do I need to understand more? This is a good one. Agreed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted May 5, 2015 Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 This is pretty rad. I also think the transition works. But seeing as I'm kind of a stickler for that sort of think, I think something like this could also work... She is the whore of BabylonBe sure to feed her flameStrings pulled by the AntichristA pawn in God's strange gameYou can call me anythingBut Mystery is her name Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted May 5, 2015 Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 If it's the angel of the seven bowls that's the speaker, then the speaker's voice could just be continued into the chorus, a la "see the whore of Babylon etc etc...you can call her anything but Mystery is her name" I love vision-imagery. nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted May 5, 2015 Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 This is great, very distinctive, and I haven't even close-read to figure out what it's about! I do think that using "whore of Babylon" in v2 is an error - it's so distinct a phrase that overuse will cheapen it. Maybe just refer to "the whore" or "that whore" in v2. Cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted May 5, 2015 Author Members Share Posted May 5, 2015 Thanks for the input guys. I needed some other perspective on whether to move it forward or not.It's strength of language is inspired rather than borrowed from the King James version of the Bible. Many key figures in English literature consider the language to have been absorbed into English culture even if the content has not. I will try the alternative pronouns in the chorus, but I was influenced by 'Sympathy for the Devil' being very effective in the 1st person.I need to try both once I find a musical direction. I think you are right Martin, I need to preserve the full phrase of 'The whore of Babylon' only for the chorus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted May 6, 2015 Members Share Posted May 6, 2015 I need to preserve the full phrase of 'The whore of Babylon' only for the chorus. +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted May 6, 2015 Author Members Share Posted May 6, 2015 Here are the revisions: When I develop music I'm going to try introducing a 1st person Narrator 2 chorus at the end accompanied with a distinct musical shift to support the change. Well see if it works or not. Mystery is my Name V1The angel of the seven bowlsSaid come and walk with meAnd let me show you judgementsThat span the earth and seaAnd he showed to me the kingsWho were taken by the whoreAnd he showed me all the thingsThat make us call for more ChShe is the whore of BabylonYou’re sure to feed her flameStrings pulled by the AntichristA pawn in God’s strange gameYou can call her anythingBut Mystery is her name V2The fallen kings have been and goneAnd new ones drink the powerWith the whore in scarlet Who rules their final hourSo call upon your wisdomAnd use it to unlearnFalse stories that nest in the heartWith promise of return ChShe is the whore of BabylonYou’re sure to feed her flameStrings pulled by the AntichristA pawn in God’s strange gameYou can call her anythingBut Mystery is her name Pre-chorus liftI am the whore of BabylonAstride a scarlet beastClothed in gold and purpleI tend this drunken feast ChI am the whore of BabylonBe sure to feed my flameStrings pulled by the AntichristA pawn in God’s strange gameYou can call me anythingBut Mystery is my name Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lucygrace269 Posted May 6, 2015 Members Share Posted May 6, 2015 "And she showed to me the kingsWho were taken by the whoreAnd she showed me all the thingsThat make us call for more" If 'she' can be replaced by 'he' it could have been better. By 'she' you mean the 'angel' right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted May 6, 2015 Author Members Share Posted May 6, 2015 " If 'she' can be replaced by 'he' it could have been better. By 'she' you mean the 'angel' right? Yes I mean the angel. In my mind, angels are without gender, so I chose 'she' over 'he' or 'it'. But there could be some benefit as you suggest, in changing to 'he' in order to clearly differentiate from the whore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted May 6, 2015 Members Share Posted May 6, 2015 Yes I mean the angel. In my mind, angels are without gender, so I chose 'she' over 'he' or 'it'. But there could be some benefit as you suggest, in changing to 'he' in order to clearly differentiate from the whore. I'd probably go with "they". It seems to follow on better from them being introduced already and is a little clearer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted May 7, 2015 Author Members Share Posted May 7, 2015 Good call Stick, and grammatically correct, but 'they' is hardly ever heard nowadays in singular use.It is almost always used as third person plural. But I'll give the possibility some thought…………….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted May 7, 2015 Members Share Posted May 7, 2015 My only major caveat is the switch from third to first person in the final version of the chorus. A chorus is what sticks in people's minds, it's what they sing along to when the song is on the radio, etc. You may not have that dynamic in mind, but I think one (usually) has to be careful about NOT changing lyrical elements of a chorus. Make it simple and mindless* and sing-a-long-able. *Not in a bad way, just mindless in that you don't have to think about the words when you sing along Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted May 7, 2015 Author Members Share Posted May 7, 2015 ^^^ I hear what you are saying, but i'm not a stickler for standard format with every song I write.When opportunities for deviation arise, I like to go with them. But only if they have their own valid purpose. Many popular songs deviate from the standard chorus or standard tagline guideline.Take for example The Beatles, 'I Feel Fine'. It has a AABAABA structure, and the tagline varies between 'I'm in love with her and I feel fine' and 'She's in love with me and I feel fine'. I won't be making the shift to the final 1st person chorus however unless I can make the noticeable musical shift that supports it and renders it emotionally meaningful.I just need to try it.Like you, I'm a re-write and re-edit kind of guy. And we know when a change is a good one (well - most times). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted May 10, 2015 Members Share Posted May 10, 2015 Good call Stick, and grammatically correct, but 'they' is hardly ever heard nowadays in singular use. It is almost always used as third person plural. . Really?...that's not what I hear at all. I love everything except "pawn....game"...feels super done to death. EDIT: to be clear, by "that's not what I hear at all" I mean literally, out in the world, I hear it all the time, not "that's not what I heard on the linguistic grapevine." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted May 10, 2015 Author Members Share Posted May 10, 2015 I love everything except "pawn....game"...feels super done to death. Thanks - I'll put the sub-conscious to work on that, but unless I find a better alternative, I'll stay with the over-familiar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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