Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 How about I don't know the way I grew it Just some compost and nutrients I don't know the way I grew it Sprinkle water and sunny D Oh my cherry tree. Ok maybe not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 She's made of sticksJust like meStrong yet fragileOh my cherry tree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 Yeah, I think we might be over-thinking this - it's a nice, mellow, song, with some cool visuals, and he calls her his "cherry tree." Cherry tree is evocative...first off, have you *seen* cherry trees in blossom? Could be flame right there. And in v2 a siren beckons...just like a shady cherry tree could. Dunno. I think the risk with vivid visuals is that the metaphors get mixed - at a certain point keeping them all aligned perfectly can get forced. I see everyone's point, but I don't think Stick is trying to solve world peace here. Two lyric notes I do notice:* Should be "I heard you singing like a siren at sea" - sirens don't dance, they just lay about and look hot.* Bridge doesn't really add anything, plus I'm not crazy about the second line (inside you?). Seems like a missed opportunity to add some color/depth to the song. On another note, someone suggested a woman's name and Stick demurred, because 1) it wouldn't be authentic (if not his SO's name) and 2) his SO would be pissed. I would beg him to reconsider this posture (not necessarily in this song, but in general)...this is incredibly limiting. Using a name is an easy way to make your lyric/hook more memorable, and doesn't change the spirit or soul of a song - some names just *sound* better than others in certain contexts. This feels like putting some artificial notion of "art" or "authenticity" over craft. My wife doesn't care that I write songs like "Genevieve Knows" or "Caroline" or "No, Tracine" (none of which are her name). Shutting up now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 Yeah, I think we might be over-thinking this - it's a nice, mellow, song, with some cool visuals, and he calls her his "cherry tree." Cherry tree is evocative...first off, have you *seen* cherry trees in blossom? Could be flame right there. And in v2 a siren beckons...just like a shady cherry tree could. Dunno. I think the risk with vivid visuals is that the metaphors get mixed - at a certain point keeping them all aligned perfectly can get forced. I see everyone's point, but I don't think Stick is trying to solve world peace here. Two lyric notes I do notice: * Should be "I heard you singing like a siren at sea" - sirens don't dance, they just lay about and look hot. * Bridge doesn't really add anything, plus I'm not crazy about the second line (inside you?). Seems like a missed opportunity to add some color/depth to the song. On another note, someone suggested a woman's name and Stick demurred, because 1) it wouldn't be authentic (if not his SO's name) and 2) his SO would be pissed. I would beg him to reconsider this posture (not necessarily in this song, but in general)...this is incredibly limiting. Using a name is an easy way to make your lyric/hook more memorable, and doesn't change the spirit or soul of a song - some names just *sound* better than others in certain contexts. This feels like putting some artificial notion of "art" or "authenticity" over craft. My wife doesn't care that I write songs like "Genevieve Knows" or "Caroline" or "No, Tracine" (none of which are her name). Shutting up now... All valid.... hey it was singing like a siren at sea! I must have sung it wrong and then transcribed lyrics from the demo oops! Possibly the bridge is a little throw away. If you're working parts up then assume it's staying but ill have another look at lyrics there....honestly very little thought went onto that section . I do think it ties in with the tree metaphor a little though. The live inside me thing is kinda why am I so infatuated? Why do I seem to need you so much? Why do you seem to live inside me?.....but it's not working? All this talk of girls names is just tempting me to change the last line to oh my sweet Marie or something but I kinda want to stick to my guns....and my tree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 Edit. V2 DOES say heard you singing like a siren at sea Double edit: It seems I sung correctly.....but typed wrong - oops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 22, 2015 Members Share Posted April 22, 2015 This is musically quite lovely and probably doesn't need a huge rationalisation of the lyric.I have 2 comments: You sing the words 'Cherry tree' in a couple of ways. One sounds right.Avoid joining them together as in cherrytree (like Cherokee). They sound better separated as in cherry / tree. The words 'Cherry tree' appear out of nowhere. They have no context. Maybe add something in the chorus that sets them up. Something that relates to cherry trees but also can be a metaphor for the man / woman attraction.For example: I don't know the way you do itBlossoms drifting in the breezeI don't know the way you do itBut you do it to meOh cherry tree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 23, 2015 Members Share Posted April 23, 2015 This is musically quite lovely and probably doesn't need a huge rationalisation of the lyric. I have 2 comments: You sing the words 'Cherry tree' in a couple of ways. One sounds right. Avoid joining them together as in cherrytree (like Cherokee). They sound better separated as in cherry / tree. The words 'Cherry tree' appear out of nowhere. They have no context. Maybe add something in the chorus that sets them up. Something that relates to cherry trees but also can be a metaphor for the man / woman attraction. For example: I don't know the way you do it Blossoms drifting in the breeze I don't know the way you do it But you do it to me Oh cherry tree. Boom - that's kick-ass feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 23, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 23, 2015 This is musically quite lovely and probably doesn't need a huge rationalisation of the lyric. I have 2 comments: You sing the words 'Cherry tree' in a couple of ways. One sounds right. Avoid joining them together as in cherrytree (like Cherokee). They sound better separated as in cherry / tree. The words 'Cherry tree' appear out of nowhere. They have no context. Maybe add something in the chorus that sets them up. Something that relates to cherry trees but also can be a metaphor for the man / woman attraction. For example: I don't know the way you do it Blossoms drifting in the breeze I don't know the way you do it But you do it to me Oh cherry tree. Thanks OGP - everything I try now just feels forced.... the tree thing was never my intention to be anything other than a metaphor for love/a girl but it is clear that everyone seems to have the same problem with it.... this should be the wake up call to really dig deep and link it a little more. I like your suggestion - its not quite me (ie i probably wouldnt have written it) but it is food for thought - gonna have to spend some time on this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 23, 2015 Members Share Posted April 23, 2015 Yeh - I'm not crazy about the line itself - I just put it as an example of setting up for the final line.I know that you've got a bag of words in your lyric cupboard. Something else has just arrived in my head: I don't know the way you do itAttract me like a honeybeeI don't know the way you do itBut you do it to meOh cherry tree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 23, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 23, 2015 If I had called it "honey pie" do you think i would then need to get some pastry type line sin there to correlate? I think this is where i am struggling ha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 23, 2015 Members Share Posted April 23, 2015 The solution will come to you when you're not thinking about it…………….or not………….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 24, 2015 Members Share Posted April 24, 2015 Personally, I've always liked girls with long limbs, arms and legs. Cherry trees also have limbs... Just a thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 24, 2015 Moderators Share Posted April 24, 2015 I like cherry tree. For no reason other than it brings nice thoughts and a great image. And... a bit of senual conquest. On your knees for the cherry tree? I love that. It's real. Not nasty but real. Unintended? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted April 24, 2015 Members Share Posted April 24, 2015 Ah, really nice tune. Yes, some tightening up and such is needed but you know that - just keep that dreamy feel above all while you perfect and tweak. I'd keep the drums as sparse as what works. An idea - how about starting the tune with that little bridge (And as the seasons change your beauty blinds me - you've got to tell me all the reasons why you live inside me) just once through, a tiny pause, then hitting MB's piano and on into the first verse. That's an arresting phrase you've got with that bridge, deserves to be heard twice. With a dreamy tune, the pad or whatever behind everything is a big part of the atmosphere - the organ in the background is really nice - the violin bits are good, but the violin sounds a bit too forward and distracting to me with regard to keeping the dreamy feel. You might experiment with capo-ing up your strummed acoustic and playing the same chords higher up on the neck, blended with your original strum voiced lower down. I like the melody and feel so much I paid no attention to the lyrics except it's all sweet love and flowers and stuff - works for me! Milton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 25, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 25, 2015 Sorry Nat I just saw all this...... oddly I have done most of what you suggested without reading it! (except your intro idea!) Anyway here is a mix See what you think https://soundcloud.com/stickboy/cherry-tree-a-new-song Martin has been a MASSIVE help on this track! Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted April 25, 2015 Members Share Posted April 25, 2015 Stick - it is absolutely beautiful. I'm listening on headphones... Only thing that jumps out to me is the acoustics panning. It's distracting. I'd venture to say you only need one acoustic track. Martin sounds amazing as well! Keep the line cherry tree. It sings well. Ha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 25, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 25, 2015 Stick - it is absolutely beautiful. I'm listening on headphones... Only thing that jumps out to me is the acoustics panning. It's distracting. I'd venture to say you only need one acoustic track. Martin sounds amazing as well! Keep the line cherry tree. It sings well. Ha! Thanks mate - I did start with just the one (strumming) but it felt lonely - when I added the second (more picking) it seemed to fill the void. I'll have a few more listens and see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 25, 2015 Members Share Posted April 25, 2015 Wow, that's pretty amazing, considering what I sent over the transom, ha. Love all the decisions, could maybe use more violins at the end but that's taste. Only thing that bugs me a little every time I hear it is the word "free" at 1:28...wish there was more of a stop (organ + guitar keep going)...I'm sure it's deliberate, I get that you don't want to do it every time, but I miss it. Again, taste. Wonderful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 25, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 25, 2015 Wow, that's pretty amazing, considering what I sent over the transom, ha. Love all the decisions, could maybe use more violins at the end but that's taste. Only thing that bugs me a little every time I hear it is the word "free" at 1:28...wish there was more of a stop (organ + guitar keep going)...I'm sure it's deliberate, I get that you don't want to do it every time, but I miss it. Again, taste. Wonderful. Yeh the song seems to have a lot of stop starts over the 3 and a half minutes so I kinda had to lay off a few of them. I think if the violin was real I'd certainly have made much more use of it. Thank you for your fantastic work on this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 26, 2015 Moderators Share Posted April 26, 2015 This is just so freaking great. I listened a few times and it just gets better. It brings to mind European cinema. Stick, you could get a serious placement with this one. The wife walks in while I'm listening just on my phone and says, "what is THAT???". As in, who's the artist so I can buy it. awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted April 26, 2015 Members Share Posted April 26, 2015 Definitely a special song - one of your best. One comment - in the arrangement, to my ear, it would sound better without the organ in the opening instrumental measures.I think piano, drums and bass only. Whatchathink? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 27, 2015 Members Share Posted April 27, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 27, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 27, 2015 Made a few tweaks to mix https://soundcloud.com/stickboy/cherry-tree-a-new-song Justin - I lost that second guitar, see what you think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 27, 2015 Members Share Posted April 27, 2015 I'm on earbuds, but this is awesome. The mix is great - stuff really pops out now, in a good way. I especially love the bridge, so big. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted April 27, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 27, 2015 I'm on earbuds, but this is awesome. The mix is great - stuff really pops out now, in a good way. I especially love the bridge, so big. The bridge....THE BRIDGE haha the bit everyone disliked on the demo!!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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