Members Lane1777 Posted April 7, 2015 Members Share Posted April 7, 2015 sorry I got busy and didn`t get back to this...just a simple 2min songand a lot of fun with this, its me singing so please forgive that..its almost finished but always looking for input, and willing to change stuff, nothing is set in stone. I added a slide-show to support the song, its not much. a love like that verse:1history has its famous loversevery girl had her knight in armor.a Cinderella, or a Cleopatrafinding love forever after... chorus:Don`t you want a love like thata storybook ending, going down in history.a matter-of-factdon`t you want a love like that. verse: 2Mary ann, loves Jimmy raycarved a heart in that old oak tree.They ran off to be togetherstill hand in hand Fifty years later chorus:Don`t you want a love like thatYou and Me baby", running wild.. being free,a matter-of-factdon`t you want a love like that. bridge:Every love is a different storyhearts can wait, or love forever... verse 3little Bobby, and the neighbor Jennithey were so in love, and then she moved away.whats the chance they`d` never marryand find each other in store one day. chorus:Don`t you want a love like thata storybook ending, a Romeo chasing Julieta matter-of-factdon`t you want a love like that. a matter-of-factdon`t you want a love like that. © Copyright 2015 Vincent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 8, 2015 Members Share Posted April 8, 2015 1) there's no video and 2) please post the lyric. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted April 8, 2015 Members Share Posted April 8, 2015 Very nice...no nits. Kinda old school 50 60's styling, country tilt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted April 9, 2015 Members Share Posted April 9, 2015 I love the vibe of the recording, and the Flying Burritos kind of feel you've got going. It's really enjoyable! I would do some work on the verses, lyrically, though. They don't all stand out and/or make sense. I'd also find the best version of the chorus and stick with it rather than doing a new chorus every time. Personally? I would use the third chorus (the Romeo and Juliet one, even though they both died at the end of the play!). Very nice start, though! Very enjoyable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lane1777 Posted April 9, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 9, 2015 tbry, that's so me..50`s-60`s..I was watching a movie with a friend, and she said...hey don`t you want a love like that love?...lol I pulled out a crayon and worked around that. LCK ...me too! I really do like the lightness. I put it on the intercom" here and everyone over 25 was dance`n in the hallways...lolI had a friend say something about that romeo+ julliet thing. I changed that one word in it [romeo chasing julliet ] to A ROMEO..don`t know if that helped. I have another one of these songs right behind this, 2:16mins if you want to join in I`ll post it here and we all can work on it. I have the music track and I`ll share it with anyone . I can send you the file so you all have it...so lck...tbry...I`ll put it on so you can hear, jump in if you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted April 10, 2015 Members Share Posted April 10, 2015 I really like this a lot, great vibe. Verses are great. Chorus could be a little stronger - "a matter of fact" doesn't really mean anything, it's like you just grabbed something that rhymed. In general I don't like choruses where the words change but I think you make it work, except the last one (Romeo and Juliet were *not* a storybook ending, as has been pointed out). Good stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lane1777 Posted April 11, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 11, 2015 hi mb, I was thinking of a Cinderella, or a Cleopatra, its a fact there is going to be a Prince or Anthony . matter of fact that's insanity behind that statement. so if its you and me baby" a matter of fact. I scare me sometimes... storybook ending in the last chorus you know I`ll go to bed with the thought of changing that, you can bet I`ll come up with something. thanks so much for taking the time to comment and give this a listen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members thehundredthone Posted April 15, 2015 Members Share Posted April 15, 2015 Such an easy listen, Lane1777, that's what I like most about it. I agree with LCK about staying with one form of the chorus (the one he mentioned, no less) since neither the chorus nor the song overall is developing a story. The Romeo-Juliet one is the best written chorus lyric of the three. The verses are actually fine in their simplicity in my opinion, though they could use a little bit of tweaking. I think the "fifty years later" line could be changed to fit the verse better. I think the bridge could do with a slightly different melody on the first line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Delmont Posted April 15, 2015 Members Share Posted April 15, 2015 Hi, Lane! Just one suggestion: Change the name! When I saw the post, I immediately heard the Beatles: "A love like that will never die, as long as I...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lane1777 Posted April 15, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 15, 2015 thank you, thehundredthone for taking a look at this, "still hand-in-hand...I `ll think of something to fit with that and get back with these changes I would never think of any of this stuff so I do thank all of you guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lane1777 Posted April 15, 2015 Author Members Share Posted April 15, 2015 hi Delmont.... your right!, and I can think of another beatles song with that line in it..".with a love like that you know you should be... g`s its all been written at one time I bet...lol thanks for taking a look at this and taking time to comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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