Members rhino55 Posted March 9, 2015 Members Share Posted March 9, 2015 Had some drinks with a friend last night and got to talking about body image stuff, obesity, anorexia, and such. Did you know there are 200K - 3M US cases per year? During this demo I kind of went for a bridge on the fly. Not sure if it works. It also threw off my timing coming back in, so the last verse and chorus are what they are. Aside from performance related stuff, any weak spots? It's All in Your Head http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=13070712&q=hi what's beauty where does it all come fromchecked a magazine found out I had noneturned on the TVgot stuck betweendifferent gears of the same machine It's all in your head thought I'd take a looksomeplace elsewound up at a parkunder a tree all by myselfalong came a little girlwearing orange, red, and pinkto her, she was matching it made me stop and think It's all in your head she didn't careif she was skinny or if she was fatshe sure looked happy (wouldn't mind working in healthy here)there might be something to that It's all in your head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 9, 2015 Moderators Share Posted March 9, 2015 Awesome!!!!! A subject close to my heart. she didn't careif she was skinny or if she was fatshe sure looked happy (wouldn't mind working in healthy here)there might be something to that On that ^^^, maybe... she didn't careif she was skinny or if she was fathealthy and happythere might be something to that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted March 9, 2015 Members Share Posted March 9, 2015 I love the guitar picking, the chords, and most of the lyric. It's a good idea for a song, but I don't think you've nailed down the lyric yet. "to her it was matching..." is, to me, an example of an idea that isn't well-realized. Maybe "she thought her colors matched?" Also, I think orange and green and pink would be more a mismatch than orange red and pink. But it's a really good start. It has sort of a John Prine feel to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Members Share Posted March 10, 2015 Both Lees coming through! "healthy and happy" works well. how bout? along came a little girlwearing orange, red, and pinkhow can it not matchif it's her favorite shade of each It isn't a perfect rhyme, but it sings really well and feels pretty good. Are there any other spots where the lyric doesn't feel as well-realized? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted March 10, 2015 Members Share Posted March 10, 2015 I love this, wonderful guitar playing. A couple of things: * To me the verse gets boring with the long slow lines - I would go double time for the second half and change up the melody (eg at "turned on the tv"). This sets you up niely to go back to slow for the chorus.* Feels like the chorus need more than that one line. Maybe repeat it 2x, rhyme it, then again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted March 11, 2015 Members Share Posted March 11, 2015 The chord sequences and guitar playing are really great. I like the whole lyric idea too.I just think that there is greater scope for the vocal melody with those chords behind it.Maybe try some melodic variations…….? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Members Share Posted March 11, 2015 Fair enough. I think you might over estimate my abilities as a vocalist, but I'll give it a shot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Members Share Posted March 11, 2015 And to Martin, I like the idea of going some place else on the chorus, but nothing really jumped out. The thing that made the most sense was 'wont you give it a rest,' but that felt kind of meh. Any ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted March 13, 2015 Members Share Posted March 13, 2015 wearing orange, red, and pink I would expand to wearing orange, red, purple, green, and pink that way even guys would notice that perhaps she looked a bit garish... nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted March 13, 2015 Members Share Posted March 13, 2015 wearing orange, red, purple, green, and pink that way even guys would notice that perhaps she looked a bit garish... nat whilk ii If there were striped or harlequinned trousers available in those colours - I'd wear them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted March 16, 2015 Members Share Posted March 16, 2015 And to Martin, I like the idea of going some place else on the chorus, but nothing really jumped out. The thing that made the most sense was 'wont you give it a rest,' but that felt kind of meh. Any ideas? OPTION A: something something something it's all in your head something that rhymes with the first line it's all in your head something something something something that rhymes with head something something something it's all in your head. OPTION B something something something something that rhymes with head something something something it's all in your head. something something something something that rhymes with head something something something it's all in your head. OPTION C: it's all in your head. something something something something something something something that rhymes with 2nd line something something something something that rhymes with head something something something it's all in your head. Not sure if these help - I like A. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 17, 2015 Members Share Posted March 17, 2015 Haven't listened yet, but I love the idea for the song. My sister-in-law is anorexic... she hasn't come to terms with it, and it's sad to watch. She's in complete denial. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.