Members jeff42 Posted February 22, 2015 Members Share Posted February 22, 2015 How do you handle this one nicely? We got hired to do a wedding and now the groom sends me a message that they are going to go through our entire list and pick the songs they want and design our set list for the day, which doesn't work for various reasons. One being most of our stuff is in medleys puling them apart is problematic. Sure I will let them tell us if there are few songs they most definitely DONT WANT but to try and design our entire set list is silly. How do I tell him nicely that we know what we are doing as far as song selection? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vito Corleone Posted February 22, 2015 Members Share Posted February 22, 2015 How do I tell him nicely that we know what we are doing as far as song selection? By saying just that, basically. We VERY POLITELY try to discuss it with them and let them know that while we certainly want to play any favorites they have, and will not do anything they absolutely hate, that we do weddings ALL THE TIME and we really do know how to put together a songlist that is going to make sure their guests have to most fun possible. That that's why they hired us instead of some random bar band off the street, because they want an experienced, professional band who knows how to do this stuff. And that the songlist you choose will the one best suited for THEIR event. That our setlists are a flowing set designed to get maximum results out of the crowd. I don't think there's any magic phrase or sentence here that works---you have to feel it out during the conversation and "make the sale" so to speak. Definitely you have to tell him that they can't choose the running order, and you might find that once you get their "do play" and "don't play" list, that you can put together a good set from the "do play" list. Sometimes we've gone back and said "look I know you said you don't want to hear this song but it's part of a big medley we do...." and they are OK with it. Sometimes we've discovered that the bride and groom do this because they think they are expected to but don't even really care. Sometimes you can also just play the stuff anyway because by the time the event finally rolls around weeks/months later, they forget what they asked for or are too drunk to notice/care. But after coming across this stuff way too often---and yes---the big problem comes when they want to tear apart your medleys----we've pretty much just resorted to sending back a reply email that says "while we will take your songlist suggestions into consideration, final selection of material is at the discretion of the band." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Buttcrust Posted February 22, 2015 Members Share Posted February 22, 2015 If you are getting paid, just do what they ask and take the $$. If you play more hours than what is in in your written contract with them, make sure it is stated, in the contract, what the "overtime" pay will be, and that you will be paid, for subject "overtime", prior to doing any "overtime". sm-lavasm-ufo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SpaceNorman Posted February 22, 2015 Members Share Posted February 22, 2015 ... Sometimes we've discovered that the bride and groom do this because they think they are expected to .... Yep - we've found this to often be the case as well. ...we've pretty much just resorted to sending back a reply email that says "while we will take your songlist suggestions into consideration' date=' final selection of material is at the discretion of the band."[/quote'] This is the best way to approach it. I'll go a step further and say that if the client has a hard time accepting this - that's a gig worth turning down. Like Dave's band - we're all about delivering great customer service - but there IS a limit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members n9ne Posted February 22, 2015 Members Share Posted February 22, 2015 Just explain to them that many of your songs aren't full standalone songs that can be played in any order....just bits and pieces of songs that are arranged in a specific order to segue and flow from one song to the next in a medley. These are rehearsed medleys and the songs are always performed in the same order, which allows everyone to stay on the same page. You might offer them a revised setlist that shows which songs are in each medley, and tell them that you can drop one of your medleys if they choose, but that you can't add or drop individual songs within a medley. Making changes to a medley requires a significant amount of rehearsal time...and generally speaking, rehearsal time is better spent learning new material and adding to the band's repertoire, rather than rehashing and rearranging material that's already on the setlist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vito Corleone Posted February 22, 2015 Members Share Posted February 22, 2015 This is the best way to approach it. I'll go a step further and say that if the client has a hard time accepting this - that's a gig worth turning down. . True, but problem is that by the time you get the "setlist suggestions" email you're usually already well past the point of signed contract, accepted deposit, etc. You don't want to come off as snobby, but I've found the best approach is the "appeal to professionalism". Just remind them they are paying top dollar for a top dollar band for a reason. You aren't going to tell the chef to leave out certain ingredients in his recipe. Although you'll make exceptions for allergic reaction The songlist isn't a menu. You hire the band to get "the performance". A few suggestions are acceptable but we pick the setlist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nchangin Posted February 23, 2015 Members Share Posted February 23, 2015 Treat your client as you would want to be treated. I do not think this is an unusual request. I would first start off with the "do not play" list and tell them you can do everything else on your list. Now if they are asking you to learn 20 new songs, obviously that would be stretching it I would say.......My guess is the groom wants to scratch off the "do not plays". You have to simply tell them you have an order and beat matches for your medley's and have to stick with what you've created in your experience. Your medley's and beat matching are no different than what a DJ does live...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MDMachiavelli Posted February 23, 2015 Members Share Posted February 23, 2015 I treat weddings a little different, if they wanted me to play the same two songs over and over I would do it. I don't see the issue. That's just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members abzurd Posted February 23, 2015 Members Share Posted February 23, 2015 What I do - Provide a list for them to pick the songs from your setlist. They put a checklist next to songs they want. (some will pick nothing and some will pick 10 more songs than you can possibly do) - DO NOT provide a do not play list. I used to do this and you're just asking for trouble. I had one client opt out of nearly EVERY dance tune. Don't give them this option. The "please play list" will satisfy 95% of clients and they won't even think about the do not play list. Give them a list and they'll check the box, but make them have to tell you manually in an email and you'll only get the occasional song or two. - The list of songs they want also keeps them from putting them in specific order. I've had one or two people tell me what they want the first song to be or that they want a specific sing a long tune at the end of a set or in a specific place, but again..... if you give them a list of songs to pick they usually forget about everything else. If you're past that and they are telling you specific orders of tunes, just BE HONEST and tell them why that doesn't work very well for you and that you're happy to play all the tunes they want, but a specific order will gum up the show. Give them an out too and admit you're working for them and if that's what they want they'll get just that, but it will be much smoother if you leave the order up to you. In cases where a medley song has a "do not play" in it, think about just dumping the one they don't want. We do a lot of medley tunes too and have occasionally had people really want a song, but didn't want another, which was in our medley version. In the case I can remember, I just brought words for a verse of the song they wanted that we didn't do and made the song "long enough" by adding that verse and another chorus and just nixing the tune they didn't want. It's kind of funny so much thought is put into it by some couples. It seems these are the ones that are only on the dance floor for 3-4 songs the entire night. Oh, lastly, I try to set the expectations up front by reminding them when I present the "please play" list to them that this part of the reception is the ONLY part of the day that isn't about them. This part is about the people that came to support you all day and this is THEIR time. So think about that before nixing songs that are wildly popular just because you don't like the tune. Phrasing it this way in the generic planning sheet is a way to keep them mindful without calling them out because you've set the expectation before they've even started. This works very well and I now get nobody trying to overplan the list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jeff42 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Members Share Posted February 23, 2015 Thanks everyone, sometimes its just obvious how I should handle this, just checking. Dave, like usual made it pretty clear that addressing it in a certain way will more than likely be enough to work. I think asking if there are any songs they absolutely do NOT want played is a good idea though, just in case something like Jenny was the name of the groom's ex-girlfriend or something... LOL If you play more hours than what is in in your written contract with them, make sure it is stated, in the contract, what the "overtime" pay will be, and that you will be paid, for subject "overtime", prior to doing any "overtime" This is ALWAYS a clause in the contract. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vito Corleone Posted February 23, 2015 Members Share Posted February 23, 2015 Thanks everyone' date=' sometimes its just obvious how I should handle this, just checking.[/quote'] Yeah. It's all pretty obvious and I'm sure you'll handle it fine. Just to re-iterate a couple of points though-- it's been my experience that this stuff usually isn't as big a deal as it seems. Most people nitpick the setlist either because they think they can or even are supposed to. Once you tell them it isn't the best thing, 9 times out of 10 the response has been "Oh, OK. That's cool. I'm sure you know what's best." Also, you don't want to tell them this, but 9 times out of 10 they aren't going to remember what they asked for vs. what you played anyway. The bride and groom are often the people paying the LEAST attention to the band. They've usually got a lot of other stuff going on grabbing their attention all night long. Now there IS that other 1 time out of 10 where they are going to be much more adamant about it and you'll have to finesse your way through it a bit more. And yes---you don't want to play "Jenny" if that was the grooms ex-GF (I actually had that situation happen to us once over "Jessie's Girl") or if some song was what was playing when Grandma Annie passed away or whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vito Corleone Posted February 23, 2015 Members Share Posted February 23, 2015 I also try to explain to them that the dancing portion of the night isn't just for them. It's for all their guests. And what they want MOST is for EVERYONE to have a good time, right? So just because they might think "Shout" at a wedding is the dumbest, most overdone thing in the world, their guests---especially the older ones---are going to LOVE it. So it will really be in their best interest to not focus so much on what songs they might want or not want to hear if they came on the radio, and instead think about what their guests will enjoy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members abzurd Posted February 23, 2015 Members Share Posted February 23, 2015 I also try to explain to them that the dancing portion of the night isn't just for them. It's for all their guests. And what they want MOST is for EVERYONE to have a good time' date=' right? So just because they might think "Shout" at a wedding is the dumbest, most overdone thing in the world, their guests---especially the older ones---are going to LOVE it. So it will really be in their best interest to not focus so much on what songs they might want or not want to hear if they came on the radio, and instead think about what their guests will enjoy.[/quote'] Exactly, and why I put it in red in my post above. Here is a link to our planning guide. The second tab has the songs and suggestion on how to go about it picking tunes. Feel free to mark the list below for any songs you'd like to request from the list below. Remember this part of the reception is all about the party rather than your specific taste in music. Songs in green are typical crowd favorites, and most likely to get folks on the dance floor. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets...it?usp=sharing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TrickyBoy Posted February 23, 2015 Members Share Posted February 23, 2015 In the famous words of me "We will gladly play any request that you have, so long it's the next song on my list". OK, we do take requests, but at the end of the day it's our job to entertain the crowd, not theirs. Most people think they know what people want to hear, but the truth is, they don't. I'd probably tell a slight white lie, though in our case it's mostly truth as I am notorious for ignoring the setlist: "We don't really follow a strict set list. We like to read the crowd and choose songs accordingly. Therefore, PLEASE BY ALL MEANS, let us know what songs you do/don't want to hear. We'll do our absolute best to play as many as we can. But we want to make sure you guests have the best possible time, so we may stray from that list if it's what's going to make the party better." Or something like that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members StratGuy22 Posted February 24, 2015 Members Share Posted February 24, 2015 We always start off with a set list, and then we just go from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members STM86 Posted February 25, 2015 Members Share Posted February 25, 2015 Don't play is risky business because they hire you for their guests. Nobody WANTS to play Mustang Sally. Nobody thinks they want to hear Mustang Sally. Nobody thinks their guests want to hear Mustang Sally. But without fail the guests are like moths to the world's most cliché flame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members StratGuy22 Posted February 25, 2015 Members Share Posted February 25, 2015 Yup. We always play Mustang Sally and invite up some Do-Wop girls. It's always a lot of fun. We play Sweet Home Alabama, along with All summer Long. We might play it every time but to some of the guests, they might not have heard the songs in years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vito Corleone Posted February 25, 2015 Members Share Posted February 25, 2015 We've got enough of those sure-fire standards that we probably only pull out Sally a couple of times a year (when the audience has a LOT of over 60 folks) and haven't played SHA in I dunno how long. But you're absolutely right about how the stuff that often ends up on the "don't play" list is the stuff the works the best. If any client ever has any worries about those sorts of songs, I usually just send them this: [video=youtube;41ctA0sMxrk] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members trevcda Posted February 26, 2015 Members Share Posted February 26, 2015 I can only imagine the stuff that would be on my "Do Not Play" list, if I ever got married again! On the other hand, I'd probably be smart enough to elope this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vito Corleone Posted February 26, 2015 Members Share Posted February 26, 2015 I can only imagine the stuff that would be on my "Do Not Play" list' date=' if I ever got married again! On the other hand, I'd probably be smart enough to elope this time.[/quote'] I never got the whole "big wedding" thing. I've played dozens of them, and most seem like great fun for the people involved and I usually have a blast playing them, but definitely not the way I would do it. We got married on the beach. My wife's dad cooked the food. Baker friend of mine made the cake. We did our own decorations. Music was just some burned CDs on a boom box for background music. No dancing. Few dozen close friends and relatives. Great wedding; great day. Whole thing cost us MAYBE $500. Edit: we DID have a bunch of flower leis flown in from Maui. Make that $1000. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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