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The strange case of the unfortunate falsetto


Frets99

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Truth be told, I'm hesitant to pen these thoughts but I suspect the words will be less suspect the fresher they are. It was two nights ago as I was returning home from a gig where the volume was so loud that my voice cracked and could only handle old motown rhythm and blues harmonies a la Smokey Robinson. Of course I not only flatter myself but I don't do justice to the strange looks I received from most of the patrons at Porker Laureate BarBQ Bar and Reading Room out on the I-56. My voice was a wreck. I squeaked out my goodbuys after breaking down my rig and packing it up. These were my weapons of choice for the evening.

 

A G&L SC-2 Tribute and a Gibson Nighthawk

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The drive started out uneventfully and I hunkered in to the driver seat and turned on the radio. It's pretty hard not to sing along with a familiar tune but the caterwauling that emanated from my month was causing me to drive erratically in fits of laughter.

Then it happened. The night sky seemed to be brightening. Much the way a new dawn ripples across the sky, a white blue light began a methodical journey across the sky I was watching. Suddenly, from over a horizon of trees, I saw it. Sleek and silvery smooth. It had no edges as it rose above the trees and shattered the night sky with a powerful glow. I stopped both in fear and curiosity. It certainly didn't look like any plane or helicopter I had ever seen and yet there it was, meandering along above the treetops, occasionally pausing to hover.

It began to head in my direction and took off with such speed that an involuntary falsetto yelp escaped from my throat. To my ears it didn't even sound like my own voice. It stopped on a dime above my head and I could hear a powerful hum. I must have fainted, because the next thing I remember, I was in a bright room with colored lights dancing around where there should have been walls. I was sitting in something that resembled an ice cream scoop and had the texture of smooth silver yet it was warm and strangely comfortable. Some light displaced across the room and I was able to discern a couple of people? coming into the room. They were small and looked to be naked with large heads. As they got closer, every episode of Ancient Aliens went screaming through my head!

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They started talking to me. Another one came in holding my two guitars. I wanted to get up. Those babies had cost me a bit and, no offense, the little bugger was carrying them pretty close to the floor. But I couldn't seem to move a muscle except to squeak out a WTF!! Boy did I get their attention with that. I looked around the room and all of them were staring at me. The one with the guitars wasn't moving his mouth but I could hear him ask if I could make these sing. I squeaked out that I could make them whistle dixie if he was so inclined. In the cracked voice, I didn't feel anywhere near as assertive as I was behaving. As they stared at me, I wondered if they were somehow attuned to my wacked out voice. They took their sweet time before they began talking, if you could call it that, to me again. Can you play blues? Can you show us blues? Really, you guys want to learn the blues, I thought. I was startled to hear a response. Yes, yes we would. Okay, so you guys read minds... check... think nice thoughts. I swear I saw a couple of them smile. Listen, I said. I gotta bunch of youtube videos out there with classic blues techniques. Couldn't you just watch those... Just then there was a rumble in my head that sounded strangely like laughter. I swear I heard someone say, "HD technology indeed!" Hmmmph. And it sounded like Dr Smith from Lost in Space... but I digress. So the one guy gave me the Gibby and asked me to play. I said, I gotta plug in first. No... you are good, was the response. Okay fine, I struck an E chord and holy moly!! I turned around expecting to see a wall of Marshall stacks but all I could see was undulating lights that defined the various spaces in the room. Well, one thing led to another and I gotta admit, these guys were like sponges. In what seemed like a couple of hours we were doing master classes. Anyway, I was running out of things to show them by then...

They seemed happy with their new found knowledge. I had taken the top students and fashioned them into a little ensemble.

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