Members mbfrancis Posted July 17, 2014 Members Share Posted July 17, 2014 Martin must be smoking the funny stuff while his family is away. Oh man...what's wild is this is one of those things that would take 10 seconds to communicate in person. I originally thought the drawn out 4-bar break after the chorus (2 bars F, 2 bars G) was kind of turgid. Just get back to the groove. Not sure how you solve the F - F progression, but you can. But I like the F-G after the 2nd chorus...I love it when the chorus grows a little every time. Just so we're clear I think this song is awesome as is - I'm just throwing out what I would tweak. It's nothing mission-critical. I'll have to take a picture of my living room recording studio. It's frickin' awesome. 2.5 more weeks, let's see how many songs I can finish!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted July 17, 2014 Members Share Posted July 17, 2014 This reminds me a bit of some of Brian Wilson's mid-70s output. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 17, 2014 OK. I've almost come full circle here. I've nixed the double-time chorus. I've focused on the drums. I haven't yet shortened the first chorus and don't know that I will. I need to get away from this song! http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12859130 Stepping away from this for a while. I'm growing to hate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted July 17, 2014 Members Share Posted July 17, 2014 Don't hate it - it's tickity-boo. You may be sweating over detail that most of us don't hear. When the concept is really good, it can easily carry a bit of rough detail (if there is any). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 17, 2014 Members Share Posted July 17, 2014 It's a good idea to nix the double time chorus. Step away if you want, but please don't hate this song.... or call it finished until I can pass along my idea. I'll be in my office around 10 this morning, so you can call the office then if you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 17, 2014 OK. I've almost come full circle here. I've nixed the double-time chorus. I've focused on the drums. I haven't yet shortened the first chorus and don't know that I will. I need to get away from this song! http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12859130 Stepping away from this for a while. I'm growing to hate it. Any other comments on this last version before I put it to bed for a few weeks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 17, 2014 Moderators Share Posted July 17, 2014 I think this is freaking great. The only thing it needs is a little time away from it. And honestly... just get a drummer and great rhythm player to come in and bash on it. It's that kind of tune. You gotta pull in the ringers on this one. You need Keith and Charlie. Your work is fine, but this needs some very confident swagger and 'tude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 17, 2014 I think this is freaking great. The only thing it needs is a little time away from it. And honestly... just get a drummer and great rhythm player to come in and bash on it. It's that kind of tune. You gotta pull in the ringers on this one. You need Keith and Charlie. Your work is fine, but this needs some very confident swagger and 'tude. Oh yeah... I plan on getting my buddy Zil on drums and Avery on guitars... and my brother on bass. Maybe I just need to get to that point as a next step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 17, 2014 Moderators Share Posted July 17, 2014 ^^^ Exactly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 17, 2014 Members Share Posted July 17, 2014 Yeah, real drums will make a huge difference. Hopefully you don't get to the point that you have no interest in hearing my alternate chorus before I can get a demo to you, though. Damn home remodel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 18, 2014 Members Share Posted July 18, 2014 Alright, Justin, I got tired of waiting and recorded this at work with my mp3 player. It is pure audio crap and there is a loud noise at the end when I'm turning it off, but I thought waiting any longer to illustrate the idea would probably lead to you just moving on. http://picosong.com/PMZn/ Two things. 1) In my head, I hear an echo of "driftintoeachother" at 0:11 and 0:29. 2) I think it would be cool if you had an instrument, maybe an electric guitar, playing your current vocal melody under this melody. So the vocal breaks things up a little, but the music keeps the motif running. Best of both worlds. Take it or leave it, it's your choice. Edit: Now I'm wondering how it might work with both vocal lines going. The lead taking my approach and the backing vox doing yours. In my head it sounds awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 18, 2014 Thanks Os... haven't given it a good listen yet. My wife is away and I've got the three kids. I'm currently sitting poolside watching them swim. But it's kind of noisy out here and I can't hear well through the laptop speaker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted July 18, 2014 Members Share Posted July 18, 2014 Alright, Justin, I got tired of waiting and recorded this at work with my mp3 player. It is pure audio crap and there is a loud noise at the end when I'm turning it off, but I thought waiting any longer to illustrate the idea would probably lead to you just moving on. http://picosong.com/PMZn/ That's nice, reminds me of the Willy Wonka World of Imagination song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 19, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 19, 2014 Alright, Justin, I got tired of waiting and recorded this at work with my mp3 player. It is pure audio crap and there is a loud noise at the end when I'm turning it off, but I thought waiting any longer to illustrate the idea would probably lead to you just moving on. http://picosong.com/PMZn/ Two things. 1) In my head, I hear an echo of "driftintoeachother" at 0:11 and 0:29. 2) I think it would be cool if you had an instrument, maybe an electric guitar, playing your current vocal melody under this melody. So the vocal breaks things up a little, but the music keeps the motif running. Best of both worlds. Take it or leave it, it's your choice. Edit: Now I'm wondering how it might work with both vocal lines going. The lead taking my approach and the backing vox doing yours. In my head it sounds awesome! It's interesting... but I'm not sure I'm sold though. It eliminates one of my favorite parts, which is where 'consciousness' ends on that 9th in the Am chord. Thanks for the suggestion though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 19, 2014 Members Share Posted July 19, 2014 Well, you could bring that bit back like so... Back and forth we driftintoeachother Each other's consciousness (this would sound exactly as it is right now) Back and forth we driftintoeachother I dropped "consciousness" because it didn't feel necessary to me, but neither is "the world is pushing us together" when you get right down to it, since that is conveyed with or without it. Of course, you could do both by having the backing vox do the original lyric and the lead do this one (or vice versa). I like this idea because it gives it strikes me as a good balance between leaning on your motif while offering a touch of texture. But it's your tune, so do whatever works for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Members Share Posted July 21, 2014 I think this is freaking great. The only thing it needs is a little time away from it. And honestly... just get a drummer and great rhythm player to come in and bash on it. It's that kind of tune. You gotta pull in the ringers on this one. You need Keith and Charlie. Your work is fine, but this needs some very confident swagger and 'tude.Real drums have been commissioned... along with two of my other songs (Too Much & Skin and Bones). They're being done in a pro studio by my friend Ron: http://www.forgerecording.com/ Avery has been contacted as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Members Share Posted August 13, 2014 Here's where it's at now... real drums. Added some mellotron at the end. Shortchord and Avery are scheduled for bass and guitar parts soon. http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12885210 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted August 13, 2014 Members Share Posted August 13, 2014 Coming along nicely Have you just used the drums as sent or done a bit too them? The snare sounds over compressed to the point that there is really no life in it.... maybe a bit of verb may give it a boost also Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Members Share Posted August 13, 2014 Yeah, not too happy with the snare. I've done perhaps a bit too much. Will adjust. I also want to get that mellotron in the last chorus to sit better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Foose31 Posted August 13, 2014 Members Share Posted August 13, 2014 Just wanted to tell you your song kicks ass, bee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 13, 2014 Moderators Share Posted August 13, 2014 Sounds great! About the snare... are you compressing it yourself? Or is that all his processing? If it's yours, try a longer attack time. Your transient is being smooshed. Actually, even if it his processing, try a compressor with a longish attack time to bring some transient out! Or... if you're looking to spend some money... go over to Softube and buy their Summit Audio TLA-100A compressor. WOW! And it includes a wet/dry knob to leave in the unprocessed signal as well. Or... set up and parallel compression scheme yourself and blend in your heavy compressed snare with the untouched. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Members Share Posted August 13, 2014 Did some updating... still not sure about the snare. At this point, there is very minimal compression on it. Made some other minor tweaks like cutting the acoustic guitar from the intro and verses... felt it was unnecessary clutter. http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12885625 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Members Share Posted August 13, 2014 For what it's worth, here are just the drums isolated: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12885654 Would love some feedback on how they sound. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted August 13, 2014 Members Share Posted August 13, 2014 Sounds great. The snare is still a little flat to me, I'd try combing two tracks, on completely clean and one with an envelope shape on it that emphasizes the attack. I've listened a few times and I think you could easily get rid of that "in THE whitewater" issue simply by cramming "inthe" together so "white" hits the beat "the" now occupies. inthe WHITE...water Oh, and I have to admit to preferring the bang! bang! lead in to the chorus that you used on your last midi drum than this current take. I don't like the roll at 1: 00 at all. Otherwise I'm just a jealous listener. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Members Share Posted August 13, 2014 Thanks Os. I've got a slew of different takes I can explore to replace the fill. I'm at peace with the prosody 'issue'. I kind of even like it. The snare... I may try the parallel compression thing and see if that helps. Never done that before. How's the mellotron sounding? That's new and I really like what it does for the second half of the bridge and that last chorus. I considered doing it an octave lower, but thought it may get lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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