Funny email.....

[Arjae]

-----Original Message-----

From: [mailto:********]

Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 9:50 AM

To: ******

Subject: ugh

 

Brad,

 

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel

like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I m truly

truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the

whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want

to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all for anything that happened,

so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink,

and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely

deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us,

what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is

weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The

world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there

are songs I can't listen to, and I just ! feel beyond crushed. I don't know

if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I

know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is

something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid,

but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't

imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that,

and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be

correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of

your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there

is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you

to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have

ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my

life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it.

 

I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you

won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for getting

my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house,

if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can't

even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly

break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not

done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle

that.

 

I am so sorry.

 

Elizabeth

 

 

 

 

-----Original Message-----

Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 12:02 PM

Subject: Re: Ugh....enjoy.

 

Dear Elizabeth,

 

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under

 

"L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less

about".

 

You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to

carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of

whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes

while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate

too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds

for permanent removal from my social calendar.

 

To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and

degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or

that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't {censored} him" somehow

gave you a clean slate.

 

So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you

yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers,

Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to

actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight.

The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible

person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling

blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn

collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T

chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing

someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone

who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut

is worth putting up with for a h!*d job in the men's room. The good thing

about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who

finger-blasted you n top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a

shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.

 

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you

really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.

Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching

sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

 

PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.

 

Talk to you never,

Brad

[homestar]

HAHAHAHA...you're hillarious

the situation is not, but still...



oh, and what a {censored}ing whore

[preservation]

holy crap.

[paulandpaul]

is this real?

[best.album.ever]

great response!

but did you find her sunglasses?

[lowroadrevival]

Beautiful.

So when are you seeing her again?

[BillyGrahamCracker]

Is that real?

[UnChained!]

I don't know where to begin...

It amazes me that she could even consider contacting you, let alone ask that it not be over!

Anyway - excellent response! I hope that if fate allows you and the "receiver" to clang some pints, that she ends up in the near vicinity. You could both have a quick stunned look - then bust out into gut wrenching, side splitting laughter!

boooowaaahahahahahah!!!!!!!!

So Long Bitch!

[camillo wong]

I love the exchange of possesions left at one another's home. It's my favorite part of any relationship. It's like Christmas. You get all of this clothing back that you've either forgotten about or thought you'd lost.

A little more on topic, sorry for you, as I'm sure it's a {censored}ty situation, but soda actually came out of my nose when I read the reply letter.

[camillo wong]

When I think about it, the girl in the email reminds me of a girl that I knew only as "Blumpkin".

[Arjae]

Originally posted by homestar HAHAHAHA...you're hillarious

It made me laugh when I read it just now after having it sent to me. Sorry if it is lame in afterthought.

[lowroadrevival]

If you do find the sunglasses, the only thing to do is mash them up in a thousand pieces, piss all over the pieces, then mail it all back to her in a ziplock bag.

[paulandpaul]

Originally posted by Arjae It made me laugh when I read it just now after having it sent to me. Sorry if it is lame in afterthought.

so it's not your's?

[Arjae]

Originally posted by BillyGrahamCracker Is that real?

 

 

It was a forward that I received. It is NOT me!

[paulandpaul]

Originally posted by Arjae It was a forward that I received. It is NOT me!

 

 

ah, so it's not real.

[Arjae]

Originally posted by paulandpaul so it's not your's?

 

 

Hell no! Someone just forwarded that to me and I thought it was funny so I posted it here. I thought it was clear that it was just a forward. My bad for not stating that.