Members Bricks & Bones Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 Hold on, hold on, hold on. What kind of poop are we talking about here?Are we talking the I-haven't-{censored}-in-four-days kinda {censored} that gets you all blocked up, and you've been eating steak and it's literally the largest thing that's ever come out of your ass and you start to sympathize with women for having to berth a child kind of {censored}? Like the kind of {censored} where you start to think that it's a good idea to cut your abdomen open with a kitchen knife and scoop the {censored} out of there? These {censored}s take a while, and I've read entire books while waiting for them. These are the worst, and as someone else said, trying to power {censored} them out is a big no no. A flat mate from years ago tried to do that very thing and actually pulled his anus. Just like a corked thigh, but his sphincter. Poor dude was in agony. Another friend had his first child a few years ago and the little fella didn't back one out for fourteen days. Apparently this is pretty normal - though they didn't know at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DanJep Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 I was thinking about my office and the fact that it's 120 years old... The speed in which I would leave is unmeasurable. That place would burn to the ground in minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members janimarj Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 Step One: Finish Wiping.Step Two: Proclaim that you were in fact searching for survivors.Step Three: Become Hero.Step Four: Sexxxxxxxxx.Step Five: Write a book of your heroic actions.Step Six: Profit.Step Seven: Even moar Sexxxxxxx. THIS is the correct answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Faldoe Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 I work where there are a lot of attractive ladies.... this was a determining factor of me risking the wipe.... I even washed my hands super quick:facepalm: well, you did it and you're still hear. You're intuition was telling you not to rush, to take your time and wipe that ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bieke Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 we should ask Phil to sticky this sticky thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members neoflox Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 You should make that story a script for an ad spot. Either for toilet paper or Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Let It Burn... Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vinnies Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 Dude, {censored}ting at work is where it's at. I might as well put my name on the stall. 7:00am : get to work7:06am : get coffee7:14am : take a righteous dump7:24am : start surfing the web10:30am : actually start working fix'd that for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dolf Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 epic shop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rileykill Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 fix'd that for youI wish. I work for the feds -- they record EVERYTHING you do and fire you for surfing at work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jack Luminous Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 fix'd that for you fix'd right this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hshaitan Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 Finish whatever chapter I was reading at the time, wipe, flush, wash my hands, then coolly collect my things and exit the building. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members duncan Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 I have no solution to this problem, but I will add that I hate being half way through dropping science on a plane when the fasten seatbelt sign goes on. Holy {censored}. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RoboPimp Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 epic shop. thanx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members companyman Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 when I was in College there was a large 3 floor band house that my band occupied, along with various riff-raff and such that sort of came and went. There was one bathroom in the place and for an entire summer there was someone who was leaving perfectly contoured turds that aligned with the shape of the toilet seat. It was amazing, every day or two a perfectly coiled deuce would be on the seat, like some mad skill picked up in a mental hospital....we never did figure out who the "Phantom {censored}ter" was, he is still out there....honing his skills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hiwatt Bob Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 when I was in College there was a large 3 floor band house that my band occupied, along with various riff-raff and such that sort of came and went. There was one bathroom in the place and for an entire summer there was someone who was leaving perfectly contoured turds that aligned with the shape of the toilet seat. It was amazing, every day or two a perfectly coiled deuce would be on the seat, like some mad skill picked up in a mental hospital....we never did figure out who the "Phantom {censored}ter" was, he is still out there....honing his skills. so he'd {censored} ON the seat?? not in the toilet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members companyman Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 so he'd {censored} ON the seat?? not in the toilet?yeah, really creepy. This was a particularly debaucherous summer, lots of gigging and Bacchanalia....whoever it was had some amazing hover skills...either that or was manually placing it there...shudder! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cassette Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 when I was in College there was a large 3 floor band house that my band occupied, along with various riff-raff and such that sort of came and went. There was one bathroom in the place and for an entire summer there was someone who was leaving perfectly contoured turds that aligned with the shape of the toilet seat. It was amazing, every day or two a perfectly coiled deuce would be on the seat, like some mad skill picked up in a mental hospital....we never did figure out who the "Phantom {censored}ter" was, he is still out there....honing his skills.:eek::love: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members companyman Posted February 24, 2010 Members Share Posted February 24, 2010 :eek: :love: you're a bit "off" ain't ya? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hot_karl Posted February 25, 2010 Author Members Share Posted February 25, 2010 when I was in College there was a large 3 floor band house that my band occupied, along with various riff-raff and such that sort of came and went. There was one bathroom in the place and for an entire summer there was someone who was leaving perfectly contoured turds that aligned with the shape of the toilet seat. It was amazing, every day or two a perfectly coiled deuce would be on the seat, like some mad skill picked up in a mental hospital....we never did figure out who the "Phantom {censored}ter" was, he is still out there....honing his skills. That is {censored}ing hilarious, the best part is that the person consistently took the time to do it...Tho I bet a couple of them were copy-cat crimes done by admirers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AnderMocs Posted February 25, 2010 Members Share Posted February 25, 2010 That is {censored}ing hilarious, the best part is that the person consistently took the time to do it...Tho I bet a couple of them were copy-cat crimes done by admirers. lol, what do you think he said when he came in to do the deed and someone done gone already did it for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lbj273 Posted February 25, 2010 Members Share Posted February 25, 2010 as someone with ibd i thoroughly enjoyed this thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members companyman Posted February 25, 2010 Members Share Posted February 25, 2010 There was never any toilet paper in the bowl either......eeeew. Itchy ass FTL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stratman Tigers Posted February 25, 2010 Members Share Posted February 25, 2010 Man, this board has an unhealthy interest in the scatological. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hot_karl Posted February 25, 2010 Author Members Share Posted February 25, 2010 Man, this board has an unhealthy interest in the scatological. they're all fecalpheliacs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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