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Married/Engaged folks: I'm a nervous wreck... Father's blessing poll


hotmess

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Some chat crew peoples know that I got an engagement ring made for my girlfriend. It will be here tomorrow. This ring has been in the works for nearly five months now, and I've had to keep it close to the chest to avoid anything leaking out to her.

 

Here's the issue. I'm nervous about purposing, of course, BUT the debacle I'm in is with her parents.

 

I'm a Buddhist, and they're really Christian. Like, REALLY Christian. They have a problem with the fact that I'm not and hate the idea of her marrying somebody who isn't one of them. So, I'm afraid that if I ask for their blessing, they'll outright say "No." If I don't ask them, I'm worried about them flipping {censored} over it, when I think is a terrible tradition that goes back to the Old Testament in which daughters were considered property.

 

Did you ask your wife's parents for their blessing? Did any of them say "No"? Did any of them say "Yes" even though they dislike you?

 

Should I just marry her and pay her dad 50 shekels of silver?

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When I proposed to my fiancee, I didn't ask for her father's blessing, and he was a little miffed, got over it and still approves. We had been dating for 7 years so it was a long time coming. The key part here is that her parents are not religious, so no big deal.

 

I understand you want to do right for your future wife and your in-laws. The least you could do is ask him. If he says no, at least you tried and marry her anyway.

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Some chat crew peoples know that I got an engagement ring made for my girlfriend. It will be here tomorrow. This ring has been in the works for nearly five months now, and I've had to keep it close to the chest to avoid anything leaking out to her.


Here's the issue. I'm nervous about purposing, of course, BUT the debacle I'm in is with her parents.


I'm a Buddhist, and they're really Christian. Like, REALLY Christian. They have a problem with the fact that I'm not and hate the idea of her marrying somebody who isn't one of them. So, I'm afraid that if I ask for their blessing, they'll outright say "No." If I don't ask them, I'm worried about them flipping {censored} over it, when I think is a terrible tradition that goes back to the Old Testament in which daughters were considered property.


Did you ask your wife's parents for their blessing? Did any of them say "No"? Did any of them say "Yes" even though they dislike you?


Should I just marry her and pay her dad 50 shekels of silver?

 

 

You don't have to ask for {censored}, unless a sizable dowry is involved. If he's not offering a dowry, as far as I'm concerned, he's already thrown tradition out the window, and can suck a lemon.

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I would say at least mention it to her parents.

they will respect you for that and see that you're a good guy.

 

I think they will be so happy that their little girl is getting married that it won't be an issue what religion you are...

at least for a few months anyway.

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eh.....i don't envy your situation man. I've never even been in a serious relationship but i do have ultra religious parents. If I ever dated/wanted to marry someone with different beliefs i know they'd be devastated. and would probably make life miserable. If her parents are anything like mine, I'd say ask. That'll make you look better. If they say no, marry her anyway and visit the family like once a year :lol:

 

 

again, i'm not experience in this at all so feel free to ignore everything i say. in fact, i encourage it.

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The only thing that matters is that you are strong in your convictions in marrying their daughter and in your own faith. All else should eventually fall into place. Don't let the differences and challenges weaken your convictions. That will only complicate things. People learn to adapt when the path is correct.

 

Ask for their blessing. If they say no, and you are convinced that she is the one, marry her anyways and allow her parents time to see the light.

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I didn't ask. They already knew that I loved their daughter though. Later on, my brother n law asked for my father inlaw's blessing when he married my wife's sister. To be honest, that was the first time it even occurred to me to ask. I wasn't trained on traditional Christian customs and practices. I just did what I thought was right and I'm no worse for wear.

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OPs name is appropriate :lol:

 

Seriously though, in the end, it's YOUR life together. If your religion isn't a big deal to your girl, that is all that matters. You could go to her dad and not "ask his blessing" but rather tell him your intentions. You love her, want to spend your life with her etc etc. if makes an issue out of the religion, simply say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I still love your daughter" and leave it at that.

 

Otherwise, {censored} it, get on one knee and put a ring on it.

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aint married but i dont think i would ask for her dad's blessing...seems too old school and forced for me. i'd rather deal with the {censored}storm likely, unless i really got along with the future father in law and we were bros and it was natural to ask him

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Father-in law #1 once told me "it's always easier to get forgiveness than permission". I still live by that advice. I'm twice divorced, LOL. YMMV.

 

But the key to your situation really, is how do you think your bride would advise you (if she knew)? Focus on HER happiness, not yours or your in laws. Make her happy and everyone will be happy.

 

And I wish you both a lifetime of happiness!

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OPs name is appropriate
:lol:

Seriously though, in the end, it's YOUR life together. If your religion isn't a big deal to your girl, that is all that matters. You could go to her dad and not "ask his blessing" but rather tell him your intentions. You love her, want to spend your life with her etc etc. if makes an issue out of the religion, simply say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I still love your daughter" and leave it at that.


Otherwise, {censored} it, get on one knee and put a ring on it.

 

This makes sense.

 

Problem could arise when they want to have a christian fancy wedding, or when they want the kids to be baptized or stuff like that. But as long as you an your girl are good and together they will have to deal with it. Just don't confront them about religion, make them clear that your decisions as a couple are yours not theirs.

 

Good luck man!!

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