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some honest opinions...


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Minutes melting away,

Irretrievable pieces of my day.

Faltering, faltering shattering the silence,

the twilight drives me crazy, unspeakably so..

 

Sometimes my thoughts unwind,

Preoccupied with design and time.

I step aside and observe my pointless dismay,

and it resolves right.

 

All maps lie flat, all flat maps lie.

The legend laughs at my attempts to get to the sky.

Traveling, traveling unendlessly pointlessly,

And the minutes still melt away.

 

Sometimes my thoughts unwind,

Preoccupied with design and time.

I step aside and observe my pointless dismay,

and it resolves right.

 

Fading further into the gray,

Forever stuck in motion with nothing to say.

Altering, mind-altering know what I mean?

And the sunset reminds me that this too shall pass.

 

I could use some solid thoughts on what these words might mean to you... or if you have written some songs that kinda sound like this i'd like to hear them/discuss them.

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I enjoy your lyrics. They really relate to something everyone has gone through. When I read them I think it could translate to almost any genre, I would like to hear the phrasing, and style that you choose. The meaning could change with any different sound. the only negative thing i have to say it that the rymes are sometimes cliche. We all know thats hard to avoid, I try not to ryme too much in my lyrics, although I dont write many songs so I cant even really judge on that.

 

if you would like, check out my two covers posted a couple of threads up and let me know what you think.

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I've written songs like this in the past. These are good lyrics and valid feelings - as said before, feelings almost anyone could relate to. The only advice I have is maybe you should try and insert a little more imagery if possible. Anything that will take the listener deeper into that place your describing.

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I agree with JeffreyC. The emotion is there but it isn't anchored. We're in your mind but we're not in your senses, and that is how we orient ourselves in the world.

 

I'm reminded of two songs, Where Do I Go, from Hair, and Running on Empty by Jackson Brown. If you check these out you'll see how the "pointless" thoughts are given a sensory context.

 

 

Where do I go

Follow the river

Where do I go

Follow the gulls


Where is the something

Where is the someone

That tells me why I live and die

 

 

 

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels

Looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields

In sixty-five I was seventeen and running up 101

I don

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thanks for the responses. I have kind of wondered about how to clear up some of the vagueness of my lyrics. This seems like it is a very valid point you bring up about not being in my senses...

 

I suppose I usually try to cater to most everyone- trying to evoke a vague feeling or idea for everyone to embellish upon rather than spelling it out exactly, artistically for only certain few to interpret correctly. The further you clarify something the more specific and limiting the idea becomes...but no I'm just rambling in my own head so i'll stop now. Thanks.

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