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Please crit my song, "I can't say it with words"


sean23

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Hey, welcome to the forum!

 

I really like the guitar riff, and your vocal has that Jack Johnson laid-back quality to it.

 

Here's the harsh--the intro is WAY too long. I had come to the conclusion that I was listening to an instrumental about 1/2 way through the intro. In addition, even though I like the riff, it's a little too busy to really support the vocal.

 

The lyrics are what they are, simple and sweet, and they work. I'm a lyrics man, and there wasn't a whole lot for me to chew on here, but that's not really YOUR problem.

 

I'd spend some more time on the vocal melody. I can appreciate your voice, but it sounds like you don't quite know the melody yet. You kind of wander around it. I tend to do the same thing, and it really wrecks a song. No matter how much I obsess over the lyrics, if the melody isn't strong, the song fails. My method is to pick out the melody on a piano or guitar, and set the melody in stone so that I know what I'm singing.

 

I spent a lot more time on the harsh than the good, but a lot of that stuff is an easy fix. I see a lot of promise. If you post on Soundclick.com, or another free streaming site, you'll get a lot more responses--many people are frustrated by myspace's frequent crashes, or they can't access it at work, where they are more likely to dawdle on the internet.

 

Again, welcome to the forum. Hope to see more of you around.

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Thanks for the input. I find the hardest part of songwriting to be the vocal melodies, so what I ended up doing here was just recording the entire guitar part and then recording the vocals off the top of my head on the fly. I thought of all those lyrics while I was singing them with the recorder running. I was fairly pleased with how they turned out, but now I realize that I should probably redo them now that I have an idea of what I'm doing melodically. Once again, thanks!

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I really like it. . .

 

But, I would say. . . do more takes, I thought it was a little too sloppy to be presented. I'm from the "make it as perfect as I possibly can" school. Work harder at making it as tight and perfect as possible.

 

This song is really an instrumental with some words thrown in. I really liked how the song structure was a reflection of the notion "I Can't Say It With Words".

 

Nice work.

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