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Ok, I have spent SO much time on this song, any opinions welcome!


justaguy88

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Allright, I have put in at least 10 hours recording this song here. That is not to say that I will be upset with any "this could be better" sort of comments. I would like to hear anything and everything you have to say, but my biggest area of concern is the songwriting itself, so comments in that realm are most encouraged.

 

Perosnally, I am very happy with how its turned out. It captures a very distinct style that I have been trying to nail for quite some time now. The song is called SKELETON KEY.

 

Here's the link to my soundclick page:

 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=553716

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Solid tune....

 

...however....

 

I found the actual performance to be bit underwhelming to say the least. The drums were wimpy and distracting, the vocals seemed a bit underconfident, and the lead guitar lines and the solo had almost zero punch. Some fantastic ideas in this tune...I could hear them...but you weren't selling me on any of them.

 

I wasn't a huge fan of the tone on the guitar solo. A bit 'nasally' and thin for me.

 

I also would've like to hear a bit more variation on the drums, especially on the second verse.

 

Again, great tune, just some thoughts to chew on. Peace.

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ummm, well I really don't have any specific negative comments to say about this song. but on the other hand if I have to be honest I was a little bored with this tune-maybe if the tempo was increased slightly. But for me it was just a little repetitive and dry...I'm really trying not to be an ass here.

 

 

On the other hand I did think there was a nice use of guitar effects-though I didn't care for the overall guitar tone.

 

sorry, I liked your last tune better.

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no, thats okay, nothing personal at all. I appreciate the honest feedback. I do have a problem really getting some passion behind the vocals, and I think that may have contributed to the lackluster performance. Still, I have to say that I really like the lead guitar stuff in this song. haha. At least it makes ME happy :)

 

Thanks for responding though....

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i liked the song for the most part....

 

i listened to it 3 times, 1st time just a casual listen...other 2 times i really listened to it. on the 1st....what drew my attention immediately was the ending. it seems to end abruptly. i kind of felt like i was 'left hanging'. on the other times, i noticed that if my ears weren't playing tricks on me...i didnt hear a single snare hit. i think thats the main reason the drums seems wimpy..to quote bcprojects. and turn the overall drums up.

 

other than that....i was digging it.

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First off, 10 hours is not so much time...

 

As others have pointed out, the drums are not very varied/interesting/exciting. I also thought that the rhythm guitar in the verse was pretty monochromatic as well.

 

On the up side, I thought the vocals were fine, and I liked the overlapping vocals on the chorus quite a bit. I don't have a problem with the lead guitar sound and the fade-out ending is fine.

 

If you played the rhythm guitar with a cleaner sound, added a funky bass line and some soft rock drums, this could be a bluesway song. ;)

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lol. i'm being referred to. dude, that's a sure sign to dump the whole project and give up music. :D

 

okay, to start, i dug the melody a lot and i liked the vocal tone. i like your singing style in general - as i guess rsad would have predicted. :) the song didn't have a good enough dynamic twist/change for me, though. i anticipated the change, which, in itself is not a bad thing, but i think when the listener can do that, it would really behoove you to write something that strays a bit further from the verse - either in melody or rhythm or instrumentation.

 

i guess this would be a good time to bring up the obvious: this desperately needs better drums. that's a must. there's too much dynamic steadiness throughout and a better drum track would most probably rectify that quite nicely.

 

dankJ mentioned (lol...dankJ....just got it now) that it abruptly ended. he's right. there was no ending - just like you decided to cut out on the solo. kind of the effect you get when you hit a song sample in iTunes. write the whole thing through, man. i want to hear the rest.

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I'm a newbie here, and this is the first post I clicked on....

 

OK... my thoughts on this tune.....

 

I LIKED the melody you have going on here, ... 10 hours on a song is only a beginning for me... I feel that what this song needs is DYNAMICS... ya know... play with the eq a bit, or compression...maybe some verb and/or chorus fx.... just thinking outloud as I listen......

 

Did not really care for the guitar tone... it felt like it lacked depth..... and uhm, the drums are missing a key element... SNARE I didn't hear any ????

 

Overall, the melody is cool... I Liked it... wished I could have heard the words a little better.... and I think this is a project worth working over and tweaking.....

 

Thanks for the listen... it was a pleasure to offer my two cents worth.. and with today's economy... that's worth about 1/3 of 1/2 percent of a penny... ha!!!

 

KEEP ROCKING.. I LIKE YOUR VOICE!!!!

 

Von:wave:

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I'd bring up your vocals some more in the mix (or bring down the other instruments).

 

I like the crunch tone on the guitar. Very memorable.

 

Your chorus actually feels like a prechorus. I want to hear you explode (melodically) with something anthem-like after you get done with that section.

 

Good stuff. Beck would be proud.

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hey thanks for all the comments guys. I'm kinda bummed about the tone comments, cuz this is my first attempt recording with my new USA tele, but I kind of agree with you. The tone for my solo sounds like ass cuz I plugged that straight into my computer; but the other stuff is my tele through a peavey classic 30. hmm. Interesting thought on making the chorus a pre-chorus...i hadnt thought of that but maybe I will consider really reworking this song. I really like the vibe and this initial idea of the song but I have to agree with you all that something is missing....soemthing more than just drums too.

 

As a side note, if anyone wants to record a drum track for me that really picks this up a notch, I'd consider paying them a few bucks. No joke...

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Originally posted by justaguy88

but the other stuff is my tele through a peavey classic 30.

 

what an awesome little amp that thing is, huh? it's totally a poor man's vox AC30. i need me one!!

 

as a recording note, it's so obvious but it precluded me for years, so it might get overlooked by you too, but you might want to try rolling back your volume a bit on the guitar - it'll cut a lot of that 'too edgy' thing going on and it's a pretty good thing to do with a tele. you won't lose that tele vibe you paid a grand for, but you will have a fuller-bodied guitar tone on your mix.

 

ps - i would offer my drumming services if i didn't think i sucked at drums as much as i do! lol. if you are into paying, there's a guy who's a totally kick-ass drummer who records for you and does quite a job. his name is elad fish and the site is www.drumsforyou.com. (no, i don't know him...i just heard some of his work in another forum for another songwriter and i was very, very impressed) might be something worth looking into.

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Originally posted by justaguy88

hey thanks for all the comments guys. I'm kinda bummed about the tone comments, cuz this is my first attempt recording with my new USA tele, but I kind of agree with you. The tone for my solo sounds like ass cuz I plugged that straight into my computer; but the other stuff is my tele through a peavey classic 30. hmm.

 

Dude, the tone was cool- it wasn't your typical tone and it had a great tension to it. Keep it and disregard any second thoughts your having on it.

 

If you stripped this song down to its bones (just a guitar), it still needs that big chorus. This isn't a just-add-drums fix, so I'd avoid paying the cash just yet.

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Pat,

Forget the drums, you need a creepin' bass line walkin' all up and down that song, like The Doors/When You're Strange or some old school Geezer Butler/Black Sabbath.

When your chorus goes something like "you have the key from the stars, you're gonna do what you want..." That's where I'd add a distant harmony singing higher; maybe two panned left and right, heavy on the hall verb. If you can add the tracks, you won't destroy the original song. If you don't like 'em, mute 'em.

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Bluesway, I dont know if I'm really feelin the whole tele thing. I can't really get into the tone....not to open that whole can of worms of tele vs. lp or strat or whatever. Before the tele I had a gibby SG and that thing rocked, but I thought it was just a little too knarly for me. If you listen to my song The Go-Between (also on soundclick) thats the tone of the SG through the same setup. I'm beginnign to miss that guitar cuz I think my tele tone is a little flat, or grating, or whatever....

 

To Steve, the lyrics are as follows:

 

You steal my sail and you steal my wind

A static nothing when I begin, a static nothing when I begin

 

A bottled message floats at sea

A scribbled note from you to me

With words that I can hardly read

 

And you...you had the key from the start

You're gonna do what you want

You had the key from the start

You're gonna do what you want, gonna do what you want.....

 

The dulldrums keep my ears tuned in

To the wind thats whispering

A static nothing once again

 

I sleep through mornings when I can

to hold one to what I had

silence parts the things I can't

 

Repeat chorus.

 

I agree with the point made regarding the "flatness" of my chorus. I definitely need something more explosive in there. The comments you have all made have been so very helpful!

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