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Everything I Need - feedback sought


Todzilla

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Here's another song I'm wrestling with, for which y'all's feedback would be most welcomed: Everything I Need

 

No need to sugarcoat your responses.

 

Thanks in Advance,

 

-Todzilla

 

Lyrics

 

Wait a minute darling, I need another moment to collect my thoughts

Another moment to consider all the little things, the shoulds and oughts

I'm contemplating heartbeats, and wondering what keeps them drumming on

What is the coal in the furnace if depleted life would still go on?

 

Science tells us what we need to live like so much bacteria

But I need more of something else, that certain essence I have felt

Without which life itself just melts

 

Don't need no food or shelter

Don't need no oxygen

I've made a list of all the bare essentials

She gives me everything I need

 

I conjuring a picture a little bit of connect the dots

to separate the true essentials from the sine qua nots

I made an inventory, a list of all the indispensables

of all the things that I require to ensure my soul is full

 

She is my sanctuary, my have in a stormy night, my fire in January

She is the sunshine and the rain that I need

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Your voice goes back and forth between adult contemporary/pop and pop/ rock. Seems that it should hug a little closer to one side or the other. (I personnel would like to hear more of the rock side ;) )

 

The melody is toe tappin' but I couldn't help chuckle at some of the chorus notes. (Bacteria) I'm not sure if those were supposed to be tongue and cheek or what though.:wave:

 

Its a sweet song and I'm sure your lady would enjoy it. The production is nice, its well put together.

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Thanks V.

 

Maybe I'll play around with the vocal delivery in the verses a bit. Your "chuckling at some of the chorus notes" - was that a lyric comment or a singing delivery issue?

 

Irony is that most of my material is more rocking, but with lyrics that are decidedly more twisted and often depicting cheating, falling out of love and general forlorn romance. My wife is more of a garage rock afficianado, so she ignores this kind of material and then wonders why all my songs are full of bile.

 

Thanks for your input!

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I chuckled at both the use of the word bacteria in the prechorus as a focal point, and then the note choice on it in the melody right there in falsetto. It makes it very dramatic in a comical way to me.

 

Your voice to me sounds very nice, but subdued in these songs. I keep wanting to hear you bust out and suck me into the song. (does that make sense?) But hey, I'm a rocker so don't listen to me.:freak:

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I agree that the vocal misses a little something in parts, and the first use of harmony vocal beats a little in parts. I always love your lyrics (almost always, anyways) and arrangements. The vocal stacks throughout are especially cool--Brian Wilson off acid, perhaps.

 

I've got to say that this song is probably three times longer than it has to be. The lyric is short, but complete, and you should embrace that. Unless you're adding some stunningly new and necessary musical elements, I'd cut this one down savagely.

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Monkey,

 

Yeah, I know the fade is way the hell too long.

 

But if you were going to cut further than just a sooner fade, where would you slice? Cut the Bridge?

 

Thanks, by the way...

 

As for the vocal stacks, can you believe I'm singing 16 part unision "Made a list of everything I need" background vox at the end? This digital crap lets us get away with far too much.

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I'm generally of the theory that if you CAN cut it, you should, and by that rule, the bridge can go. Your verse, prechorus, and chorus are all very different from one another, so I didn't get a craving for a bridge--no ear fatigue. The break that follows the bridge is different enough on its own, anyway. The element of freshness is there.

 

A more bloody and extensive change would be cutting the prechorus. I love it, however, it is a bit long for a prechorus, and may be more ornamental than essential.

 

On an unrelated note, and I'm not one to talk, but you should consider a new avatar. I read every one of your posts as if you're rolling your eyes, and everything sounds less genuine. It's absurd, but then again, people don't trust the blind, because they can't see their eyes.

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Drastic, yet intriguing advice. I might try some of that, using the wizardry of digital editing.

 

As for my avatar, it works really well in the Political Party, where I'm often sarcastic as hell in my scathing diatribes against President idiot.

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