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Lyrics... thoughts?


unhorizon

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This part


"I am not as I was

Known some call is air am"


makes me say "enh?" It doesn't make any sense.


As for the rest. Nothing really grabs me. It could work with music, but I wouldn't enter these in your local poetry slam.

 

 

It's an allusion.

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It's an allusion.

 

 

I am fairly well-read (I majored in English and continue to read all the time) and I have a pretty good working knowledge of rock and pop music from 1957 until the present, and I didn't catch it.

 

So what I'm saying is -- if your allusion falls in the forest and no one knew what it was, it doesn't work. That's the peril of allusiveness.

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I'm sorry you didn't get it. If you did, it probably wouldn't add much anyway, so don't worry about it.

 

 

Actually, it would add a lot. It would help us understand what the heck the song is talking about. Otherwise, that line sticks out like a sore thumb. If the average listener can't tell what it means, then the line doesn't work and needs to be changed.

 

If the song is just something you plan on playing for a bunch of your friends, and you know they'll all get the inside reference, then that's fine. If you want the song to appeal to a wider audience, then it isn't going to work.

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As a general rule, if it CAN be left out, it SHOULD be left out.

 

This is untrue in 90% of cases songs could be easilly summed up in a mere few sentences but they aren't otherwise it'd be a tad short n this can to the highly educated mean something n to any1 who doen't get it i really don't think they'd loose sleep over 1 line in a song

nice lyrics btw

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