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RATE MY SONG


eclayson

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Tell me what you think about my song.

 

Baby don't take your time

Rush on your way home

Things will be alright

We will make it I hope

 

Your physically far away

But mentally you're here

When I sleep at night

Baby this is what I hear

 

Stay strong

Some day I will be home

With you always

Because that's where I belong

 

Baby I need your help

I need your strength and support

Won't you come my way

Come and knock on my door

 

So baby I wait for you

To finish what we started to begin

When I close my eyes

I hear those words yet again

 

Stay strong

Someday I will be home

With you always

Because that's where I belong

 

Baby I feel what I feel

Knowing this emptiness is real

Baby I know that you aren't here

You seem gone forever

 

Baby I know what I know

Baby if you love me let it show

Baby I know that you are gone

Come back so we can be together

 

Girl if you change your mind

Be sure and let me know

Because I don't want to wait

If you don't love me no more

 

Even if things don't work out

I'll still hold these memories in

But whenever I think of you

I'll here those words yet again

 

Stay strong

Someday I will be home

With you always

Because that's where I belong

 

 

Anyways, sorry I am not able to post my music... but what do you think about the lyrics?

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I did not even read through the lyrics but one thing jumped out at me immediately. "Baby" is one of the most over used words in song lyrics and it appears in your song several times. To me this word is probably the single most annoying word you could put in a song. I'm guilty of using it too. I have gone back through my lyrics before and intentionally tried to scrub this word out.

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I did not even read through the lyrics but one thing jumped out at me immediately. "Baby" is one of the most over used words in song lyrics and it appears in your song several times. To me this word is probably the single most annoying word you could put in a song. I'm guilty of using it too. I have gone back through my lyrics before and intentionally tried to scrub this word out.

 

 

I agree. He could lose all the "baby"s and it would improve the song.

 

Also, I found stuff like...

 

Your physically far away

But mentally you're here

 

... much too literal. You could go a little more subtle like:

 

Your so far away

But I feel you here

When I sleep at night

This is what I hear

 

and another example, not so much to do with being literal, but a place where you could economize on wordage:):

 

So I'm waiting here for you

To finish what we began

When I close my eyes

I hear those words again

 

I hope editing someone's lyrics isn't offensive! Just some thoughts.

 

All in all it sounds like it's coming from your heart, and that's the important thing. I'd keep working it, and when its right - when it flows - you'll know it.

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