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New Full band song!


Jxeboy

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Lyrics if anyone wants to know what they are:

 

Try try,

We all try,

But none of us succeed.

And everybody knows,

None of us feel free.

 

Mindless fools and pranks,

Excaping self-appeal,

Well everybody cares.

About what I see.

 

C:

Theres an open place where the mindless come to speak.

And sleepless lies and dreams,

Repeat.

 

Everybody's better now.

And none of us feel gone.

But in my dreams I try,

To feel whole again,

 

To find find,

What ive lost, and what im looking for.

The only way out,

Is through the door.

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Lord, that is more of that intro than I want to hear in my lifetime. Cut it down to 5-8 seconds, TOPS. I would have turned it off in a second if you hadn't earned my attention with your last song. You don't have that luxury on the radio, so if any sort of pop success is your goal, you'll have to aim for more immediate accessibility. Seriously, it was very unpleasant.

 

The song itself was pretty much exactly what I was expecting--you guys (or at least you as a songwriter) have a very "you" sound. I'm not sure where the line is between "distinctive" and "all his songs sound the same", but you may be approaching it. It's bouncy, catchy, and short, and I would have listened to it a few times over if I wasn't dreading hearing that {censored}ing intro. Good, light, summer music. The lyrics are a bit fluffy, as text, but they flow well and sound good.

 

The most constructive songwriting suggestion I can give is to tighten up the melody. It's very bouncy, but it doesn't seem to land very often. It would have felt more comfortable listening to the song if it settled now and then. It's got a very Flubberesque quality today.

 

Keep these songs coming! I couldn't wait to hear what you brought in when I saw that you had posted again.

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Yes, yes the intro I agree :blah:;)

 

Actually the intro really misled me as to what I would be hearing, although I can hear it incorporated into the song later. As mentioned above, just snip it down.

 

Otherwise, really really good song. :thu:

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i thought you were going to develop on that intro's polyrhymic groove you had happening between the different clocks....i would've loved it, but criticized you for copying phish...(yeah...they kind of did that in "maze"....holy good players, man....SICK song.)

 

as far as your tune, i thought it was kind of cool....and i see the whole sleepless/clocks thing you have going on, so i wouldn't say it doesn't have anything to do with the song; it's in context, just maybe not done well enough and definitely TOO long. i listened to the tune 2x, which was easy enough to do, considering the intro's :30 and the tune is only 2:00 on top of that.

 

i really dig that vocal melody in the verse on top of the movement in the chords. (i love that "V of vi" thing......it'll never get old for me) ...it is the coolest part of the song for me....everything wound up being relatively forgettable in comparison.

 

 

overall, good pop rock tune - album material, though....not a release, you know?

 

nice work!

 

g

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This is not a genre I know very well, but I listened to all four of the songs on the Pure Volume site, and this one is the most commercial sounding to my ear. In this genre of music, I hardly hear the lyrics, so you could be singing about anything and I would be none the wiser. That said, none of the words jump out as an obviously wrong choice to me.

 

The intro is way too long. You've already heard that, so count me as another vote. I liked the song and didn't mind hearing it a second time, but I did skip the intro.

 

Now technical issues re: the recording itself:

 

I'm not sure I'm right about this one, but to me it sounded as if the song could have been played with more energy. It could be a production issue, maybe the way the drums are recorded, as they do sound a bit light to me. But I don't know, the band doesn't sound as excited as you'd expect in this genre. I could do with some more bass, but I'm a bass player so I'd probably always say that.. There are also some backing vocals that aren't tight.

 

My overall impression is that you've got a good song, but could re-record it and get a better take.

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This is a cool, fun song. I agree with everyone about the intro, although it would definitely work as an 8 second thing. You could consider bringing elements of the intro into the latter part of the song somehow. Overall, very nice, imo.

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I think the intro is fine, but just too long. 5 seconds or less, then into the song. I like the song. It is fun. It has an open sound, but that sound fluctuates too much. The mix is too loose. Another area that really bugged me is the tempo. It is not steady. Therefore it changes. It needs to be tightened up. Overall I think you have a nice song. I like it.

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