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Latest "work" in English....


eagle1

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Hello guys.

 

Lately I've been writing a lot in my native language (Spanish) but I found an old poem I made and I decided to give it the musical treat (and translate it). You can listen to the first version here:

 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=639185&songID=5254231

 

I downloaded a trial version of TruePianos and connected my old keyboard to see if I could come up with some Midi stuff (I haven't really played piano in 10 years). This version of the song doesn't want to upload. I did edited a little portion so if you give it a listen it would help a lot.

 

http://gelocks.topcities.com/Music/FUD_MIDI.mp3

 

Right Click and Save As ... D/L speeds are low

 

Ok. So what am I looking for?

First off, the lyrics.

Am I making sense? Is the pronunciation correct for the words?, etc.

Melody-wise, the song is not that intricate but could something else be done?

Personally I believe is way too long for what I'm used to (4 minutes or less).

 

Thanks much.

 

Lyrics:

 

"I know ..."

(Angel Melendez)

 

I know, don't have to think like this.

Too bad I can't avoid it.

I'll go ahead and swallow my tears.

 

And you, look calm while you're asleep.

His sweat all over you (ahhhh ahhhhh)

Me wishing I was him...

 

L.B.

Why can't you notice? (this is real)

Why can't you feel? (what I do feel)

I thought you knew (what's good for you)

Your mind's distorted (that's the truth)

 

Chorus.

 

I feel like the odd one out.

Trying to be the best to get to you somehow.

But nothing works, I can't get near.

And while I pour my heart out, you are letting someone else in.

 

Tell me I'll never have a chance.

My looks do nothing for you

or that I'll never be your man.

 

I swear, I swear that I'll let go.

If he ever rips your heart out,

I will not say I told you so.

 

L.B.

Why can't you notice? (this is real)

Why can't you feel? (what I do feel)

I thought you knew (what's good for you)

Your mind's distorted (or maybe mine is...)

 

Chorus

 

Last C

 

I'm just saying that you deserve better.

someone who cares and it's not him.

 

I feel like the odd one out.

Trying to be the best to get to you somehow.

 

I'm just saying that you deserve better.

someone who cares and it's not him.

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hey man. sounds good. where are you getting the drums from? some of the playing (especially the really drawn-out, straight 16th (semicorchea) fills) is a little less than par for me. that really would be my only nit. i think the drumming/drum programming needs a bit more work, but good tune!

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Hi bluesway.

 

I'm using the EZDrummer VSTi I had mentioned before.

I just downloaded a demo of Jamstix though.

I have heard some good things about it and it even lets you map the EZDrummer modules so I guess there wont be a problem with sound degradation.

 

About structure though, is there anything missing?

Is it too long?

 

Thanks.

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I think the mix is out of balance, the drums are too loud and the guitars are hard to hear while they play. I like the guitars when I can hear them. If there's a bass in there I don't hear it at all.

 

I feel like the vocals are not always in tune. I can tell what you are trying to do, and if you pulled it off completely you'd have a very catchy cool sounding song. If you have a pitch correcting program, look at the notes and see if any of them are sitting in the wrong spot.

 

I think the lyrics would not ever be my bag, but with a song like this one they don't have to be William Faulkner or anything.

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I think the mix is out of balance, the drums are too loud and the guitars are hard to hear while they play. I like the guitars when I can hear them. If there's a bass in there I don't hear it at all.

 

Yeah, now that you say it, the drums are definitely loud. I'll probably lower them. There's no bass in the recording, don't know how to play bass yet. ;)

 

If you have a pitch correcting program, look at the notes and see if any of them are sitting in the wrong spot.

No pitch correcting programs installed. Are they useful and worth the $$$?

 

I definitely need to spend money on monitors though.

I record and mix with headphones so that's most probably why the "production" seems out of whack!

 

Thanks for the suggestions so far guys.

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I really like the guitars in this tune, but I agree with what everyone said about the mix. A couple more things - first, it sounds like the melody is too low for your voice in certain places, causing some of the aforementioned pitch problems. And the drums seem to drop out in some odd places; that could be due to the fact that those programmed fills come to such an abrupt halt, though.

 

Also, I did feel that it was too long; it started to drag around the last chorus. If you hacked off that last minute or so, I think it would really balance the song. Thanks for posting...

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Hello guys.

 

I just updated the song (link on the first post).

I tried to get the drums just a tad lower and raised the level of the guitars.

Also, this is the version with effects and piano. (you can hear some mistakes -- hehehe I forgot to edit the Midi track).

 

For the piano I used the Trial Version of True Pianos (4Front).

I'm still thinking if I should buy it.

 

I still used headphones to mix so.... any suggestions are welcome.

 

And thanks for the ones that have listened already ;)

 

Bye.

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  • 1 month later...

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