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He Is More Than a Father


Irwin abrigo

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Hi, Irwin

 

Like pick ups, dogs, trains, and Momma, Daddy is always a good topic for a country song, I think. And though the sentiment here isn't exactly groundbreaking or novel, I think it's one with rich possibilities for exploration and emotion.

 

I kind of feel like you're telling me about it... and I think I'd like it a little better if you were showing me how you feel and what the singer's stepfather means/meant to him with some concrete stuff, incidents, images, maybe metaphors/similes. The bit that works around the millionaire/wasn't there rhyme gives a little spike of word play, and that perks things up a bit... it could be a nicely effective little bridge... although I wonder if there wouldn't be a more punchy way of wrapping up the little quatrain (the "repeating in my head" part is a bit flat for me).

 

One other issue: "If he is human, what's his name?" The alternative is... what? Ghost? Alien from another world? I'm not having fun with you here; I think this is the first direction a lot of folks will leap when they hear that line.

 

Anyhow, I think you've got a good idea for a song here. You could work up a quick demo so we could hear how your words work out with music (for me, that's always important when thinking about a song as a, you know, song.)

 

Good start -- I think if you grow this song somewhat, give it some flesh and bones and the breath of life with some concrete details and images, it could end up being a very nice one.

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Hi blue2blue,

 

when I ask if he is human, I mean the way he (father) didn't looked back to see or know what was going on in my life from a baby to now (I am a grown man)and that is the reason why I ask if he is human. Understand now?

 

But you said some real great things about this song That mekes me think.

 

thanks alot for the reply it means so much.

 

Irwin

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I get it... I wonder if there might be a slightly different way to say it?

 

Maybe: A real man would have told me his name

 

... or something. But I do see what you're getting at, if he's got human feelings... why abandon his child?

 

(Of course, there can be a lot of reasons for something like that... I suspect some fathers feel their unseen child might be better off without them. There's a reason Jesus and other great teachers asked us not to judge our fellow humans. But this is the songwriting forum, not Life Lessons 101, so.... ;) [And full disclosure... I'm not speaking from personal experience here... but I imagine a couple different twists of fate and I mght be.])

 

 

Anyway, a very nice tribute to the kind of stand up guy like the stepfather in the song... on an appropriate day. One would be proud o know such a guy.

 

;)

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