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Written this morning: Trainwreck Life - rough acoustic demo


blue2blue

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[uPDATE: I've decided I'm going to be reworking this melody so if you want to skip this, wait and listen to the upcoming, new, improved version, that's cool. It will give you a chance to turn your attention to others looking for help with their own songs.

 

Thanks, as always, for everyone's help. I'm happy to say that increasing my participation here seems to have helped bump my productivity after a long lull -- and for that I'm very grateful!]

 

 

Sorry if I'm wearing out my welcome lately* -- if there are any feedback requests out there in the SW forum that haven't got any feedback yet, why not go give them the benefit of your wisdom. ;)

 

But... if you're really bored -- I have a brand new song I wrote this morning and I'm really open to constructive crit on it...

 

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Trainwreck Life

(working title)

 

It's just one trainwreck after another

it's just one disaster followin' the t'other

It's a wonder I can get back on my feet

to fall again

 

Some catastrophe

Some calamity

more adversity

more insanity

it's the way it goes in the world

of mice and men

 

Cataclysm and devastation

tragedy and desolation

yet I know it's the way it goes

my friend

 

debacles and double trouble

cauldron of misfortune set to boil and bubble

I've seen the future it's

more of the same to the end

 

Waterloo was just a hiccup

Little Big Horn just all a big mixup

When everything is ashes

maybe we can all be friends

 

Suns explode and worlds collide

all us little specks along for the ride

the fabric of time and space

someday willl mend

Cataclysm and devastation...

 

Suns explode and worlds collide

all us little specks along for the ride

in the end it all -- comes down to the end

 

 

2007-10-28

©2007, TKMajor

 

Trainwreck.jpg

 

*When I started hanging out here more, I was really hoping to rekindle my nearly frozen productivity (mixed metaphor noted) and, while I'm still not exactly churning 'em out like a Brill Building songsmith -- I've finally started approaching my old level of a song or two a month.

 

And I don't want to get mushy or nothin' -- but I have to say that, secretly, I say a little thanks for all of you guys 'n' gals for helping to get me back in the creative mode. I hope I can do the same for you all some time. ;)

 

PS... And, yes -- I do put things like t'other in to bug some of you. (And yes, I know the in front of t'other is redundant. But that's how I grew up hearing it.) Also, I did want to get that archaic expression in the same song wit the phrase, "The fabric of time and space someday willl mend..."

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'the t'other,' huh? at the risk of sounding like a pseudo-intellect, i love the richness of american english. the dialects/regional vernacular/flubs/slangs/communication maladies and other idiosynchrasies make it unbelievably interesting. perhaps not a great example, but '{censored}ing douchebag' is a jersey thing. i thought it was global english until i left. :lol:

 

anyway, i love hearing these things in song. (although '{censored}ing douchebag' may not be as welcome an example)

 

it's one of the [few] things i enjoy about country music: there are examples abound in that genre. (btw, for me, this music ISN'T country; it's americana/folk all the way)

 

i'm going to be straight with you: i wasn't crazy about the melody, but the feel and the wordplay make it worth it.

 

that second harmony voice was nice, but there were some red notes in there between the two. minor tuning issues. i can be more specific if you want me to.

 

overall, i like how well-thought-out this is. lyrically, the 'package' is complete. there's nothing missing.....and that's a big point for me; especially in light of my feeling like it's an area of MY work that needs improving.

 

overall, i like. not my favorite of yours, but i like.

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i think this is a good song. to me the words are more sophisticated than the music. the music sounds a little tired to me. perhaps that is good though. i like the reference to steinbeck and astronomy. food for thought in this song for sure. carry on.

 

peace, jeff

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Thanks, man. I tried to work that Jersey phrase in there -- but I just couldn't find a way.

 

With regards the melody... yeah... yeah, I felt like it was just a stock thing. I tried to force some different chord changes on it to push the melody somewhere else -- but it didn't work out. But since both you and I have concerns about it, it's something I think I should definitely work with.

 

On the harmony part, since I'll hopefully be re-writing the melody, I'll worry about the execuction later -- but since harmony singing is, for the most part, a new thing for me, I might tap your thoughts later.

 

One question: "red note" -- do you just mean like a "red flag" or does that have a specific meaning? And was it the part, do you think -- or the execution? (Both. :D My guess.) I'm afraid that I'm sometimes just so delighted when a harmony part seems clear to me and I can sort of get through it that the "preciousness factor" might cloud my juddgement.

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Hey, Jeff

 

Yeah... I'm thinking the melody needs to go back to the design shop.

 

I may work on that later.

 

 

The song started out with the phrase "trainwreck life" (which I stumbled on pondering my own sometimes rocky personal history) and evolved quickly to contextualize it in the big picture. (In my blog entry for the song, I shamelessly copped the airport speech from Casablanca -- only directed it at my cat.)

 

Your invocation of Steinbeck -- which was my introduction to the partial phrase -- forced me to do what I hadn't yesterday, go look up the original source (which was in the back of my mind somewhere -- but there is a lot of crap in the back of my mind and Google works a LOT faster). It was Scots poet Robert Burns in his poem "To a Mouse" (a parallel which erudite readers of my blog will no doubt attribute to my own fictive erudition instead of a lucky shot in the dark): "

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no. it's just "red notes' are out of tune. it was in the harmony part's main voice (NOT the second voice). i like the arrangement; the more static high voice with movement in the lower. the part is cool; just the execution is all.....{censored}ing douchebag

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overall, i like how well-thought-out this is. lyrically, the 'package' is complete. there's nothing missing.....and that's a big point for me; especially in light of my feeling like it's an area of MY work that needs improving.

 

Bluesway's comments struck a chord with me so I thought I would just quote him :D The above reflects my thoughts well..... Good writing.... I'll keep my eye open for the redo on the melody.....

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PS... And,
yes --
I
do
put things like
t'other
in to bug some of you. (And yes, I know
the
in front of
t'other
is redundant. But that's how I grew up hearing it.)

 

Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?

 

I did rank on someone for rhyming "beer" with "mirror". B2B called me on it, and given that one of my all time favorite lyrics uses this exact same (mis)pronounciation of mirror, I had to concede the the point.

 

"Louise, she's all right she's just near.

She's delicate and seems like the mirror.

But she just makes it all too concise and too clear

That Johanna's not here."

 

Visions of Johanna, Bob Dylan

 

 

Oh yeah, and calling someone a {censored}ing douchebag is so totally queeah. ;)

 

Seriously, this is a nice song, and I pretty much agree with everything Bluesway said. Looking forward to a new version.

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Yes, specifically, I was thinking of you and, to some extent, our esteemed colleague, Chicken Monkey. I love poking you guys! :poke:

 

 

 

Thanks for the comments, all!

 

I suspect I should wait a couple days and tackle the music/melody/chords fresh. If I don't play it for a day or two, with my memory, I'll be like starting all over again, anyhow!

 

__________

 

PS... So I'm thinkin' that rhyming Johanna with Bohannon is going to be a tough sell to you, rsadasiv... :D

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blue2blue, I agree with your own comment that it sounds "stock". Nothing disagreeable about it but also nothing to really sit up to take notice. The lyrics I like, probably because I write lyrics like this also. ;)

 

Look forward to hearing your next version.

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It's unanimous then. For once I even agree with myself, too.

 

I'm going to let it sit for a couple days and come back to it. Frankly, I got so burned out working on Jail/Dreaming that I'm kinda burned out. I spent all day listening to all kinds of music in a big muddle (listening t Interpol right now, in fact... I wonder how Trainwreck Life would work as sleek, post Joy Div, 80s new wave... maybe not. Oops... now Devendra Banhart's on... hmmm... ;) )

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Trainwreck.jpg

*When I started hanging out here more, I was really hoping to rekindle my nearly frozen productivity (mixed metaphor noted) and, while I'm still not exactly churning 'em out like a Brill Building songsmith -- I've finally started approaching my old level of a song or two a month.


And I don't want to get mushy or nothin' -- but I have to say that, secretly, I say a little thanks for all of you guys 'n' gals for helping to get me back in the creative mode. I hope I can do the same for you all some time.
;)

PS... And,
yes --
I
do
put things like
t'other
in to bug some of you. (And yes, I know
the
in front of
t'other
is redundant. But that's how I grew up hearing it.) Also, I did want to get that archaic expression in the same song wit the phrase,
"The fabric of time and space someday willl mend..."

 

Hey, I finally get to review one of yours..

 

I thought it was delightful..

 

Very organic and fresh yet at the same time familiar.

 

You say it is a 'rough demo' but I am of the school of thought that

this song is likely exactly what it is meant to be already.. I wouldn't change a thing.

 

For the same reason you use t'other, I wouldn't want too much polish on this baby.

 

I like it just the way it is!

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Trainwreck.jpg

 

Image of the Montparnasse Station train wreck, showing the Granville-Paris Express train on its nose in the Place de Rennes, Paris, France, October 22nd 1895. All passengers on board the train did survive, however one woman on the street below was killed by falling masonry:

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/19/Train_wreck_at_Montparnasse_1895.jpg

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/16/Train_wreck_at_Montparnasse_1895_2.jpg

 

.

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Image of the Montparnasse Station train wreck, showing the Granville-Paris Express train on its nose in the Place de Rennes, Paris, France, October 22nd 1895. All passengers on board the train did survive, however one woman on the street below was killed by falling masonry:






.

 

 

i was actually so curious about that. thnx!

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Image of the Montparnasse Station train wreck, showing the Granville-Paris Express train on its nose in the Place de Rennes, Paris, France, October 22nd 1895. All passengers on board the train did survive, however one woman on the street below was killed by falling masonry:






.

 

 

The man even knows his train wrecks!

 

Next time we all play the European Editition of Trivial Pursuit, I want you on my team, Angelo.

 

 

Quick, without looking, what color tie am I wearing this morning?

 

 

Ha... got you on that one.

 

I'm not wearing a tie -- it's an asccot!

 

__________

 

BTW... Thanks to Angelo for my new avatar, which I think is a photo of the Supreme Canton High Ruler of Thurgovia, which, as I understand is the Shangri La of the European Alps. Hard to believe that guy is over 400 years old, isn't it? He's not wearing a tie either, as far as I can tell -- but that's a mighty nice sash, on which I assume are the Thurgovian national colors. I think the colors symbolize these things: the red, is, of course, the blood of Thurgovia's brave fighting men who fought pitched battles against the invaders led by William Tell. The black is for the dark black night of the wintery Thurgovian national soul -- which makes the rest of the German speaking alps look warm and friendly. The dark blue is for the Lake of Constance -- where many of Tell's men met their watery deaths in an epic battle fought from rowboats. The other red is for the fires of hell -- where it will be a cold day before Thurgovian women are granted suffrage. And, finally, the white is for the pure, white, Thurgovian cocaine which is the economic mainstay of the tiny autonomous region. Did I get that right, Angelo?

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Did I get that right, Angelo?

 

 

Yes, that good enough for an American....

 

... except that Swaziland is not in Scandinavia and the Swiss alps are not in Africa. And the crossbow bloke Wilhelm Tell, a notorious trouble maker and opera singer, was a native of canton Uri which belonged to the abbot of Reichenau an island in the lake of Constance until 852, and this Uri was later given to Zurich by my ancestor Louis the Bavarian (804

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BTW, what you said reminded me of a russian joke:

 

The Armenian Radio was asked: "Is it true that comrade cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin's car was stolen in Moscow during the celebrations?"

 

The Armenian Radio answers: "In principle yes, but it was not in Moscow, rather in Kiev, and it was not his car, but his bike and it was not comrade cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, but comrade highschool teacher Gagarin and his first name was not Yuri, but Leonid..."

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Yes, that good enough for an American....

 

... except that Swaziland is not in Scandinavia and the Swiss alps are not in Africa. And the crossbow bloke Wilhelm Tell, a notorious trouble maker and opera singer, was a native of canton Uri which belonged to the abbot of Reichenau an island in the lake of Constance until 852, and this Uri was later given to Zurich by my ancestor Louis the Bavarian (804

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I like this song. In my view it's finished in the sense that you don't need to put more instruments in. It sounds great with the guitar and the two vocals.

 

 

So... the contrarians have weighed in...

 

:D;):D

 

 

Look... if you like this version -- you're going to love the death metal version.

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I like the song. The lyrics are cool but I dont like "t'other" (nice try ;):D)

 

I have a suggestion, that may be rather cliche, but it definitely fits:

 

It sounds like you are playing it as a 4/4

I would double-time it to a 2/4 choo-choo train country beat - It would swing it, give it a rockabilly-esque 2-Step drive , and go along with the lyrics, title, and theme

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PS... I hope this won't hurt your feelings, Angelo, but that avatar photo probably won't last a super long time...

 

 

No, not at all! The bloke in your avatar is a German anyway, but then I also have to mention that all great Germans where Austrians...

 

Here an real Thurgovian avatar, since you now belong to the family:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/9b/Wappen_Vogtei_Thurgau.svg/477px-Wappen_Vogtei_Thurgau.svg.png

 

 

Well, actually your old enough, and you could establish your own dynasty!

 

Here the starter package:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6a/Coat-elements.png

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I like that... I've already got an official band seal:

 

seal%28je-ne%29.gif

 

 

As well as a personal one...

 

TK_Seal5.jpg

Unfortunately, I can't remember what the motto means...

 

I knew should have taken a couple semesters of Latin. But they stopped offering it in my school district. Something about who needs a dead language... they were very progressive. They even banned all after school activities (just a few years ago -- long after I'd left the district) just so the people in the Gay-Straight Student Alliance wouldn't feel bad when they denied them permission to even talk to each other on school grounds.

 

(Well, actually, the courts said, either you allow after school activities for everyone or you ban them for everyone. The handwriting was, as they said in ancient Judea, on the wall, so they killed all after school activities. A hell of a school district. Orange Unified in OC, California -- of course!)

UPDATE: Google comes through where my brilliant suburban education fell down:

 

 

Let justice be done, though the world perish.

 

 

Ah yes... I knew I wouldn't have no sucker motto...

 

 

A little more info on that motto:

 

Ferdinand I (1503

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