Members mmmiddle Posted November 14, 2007 Members Share Posted November 14, 2007 Pretty {censored}e right? My girl never calls me backI ain't never gonna cut her slackShe drives around with the top down babyYes or no but she only says maybe [chorus]And I ain't never gonna call her noI erased her from my cell phoneShe can spend Friday nights alone with her heart so cold I saw her out with another guyNever gave me no reason whyPromises, but she's never yours babyTease you so she can drive you crazy chorus She got those blue eyesShe got that blonde hairShe got those white liesI'll cut her down to size chorus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Floophead3 Posted November 15, 2007 Members Share Posted November 15, 2007 The way I envision these lyrics is to music not too dissimilar from Jet. The kind of energetic driven rock music that is a good replacement for coffee. Definitely a wild guitar solo for at least 5 minutes is a necessity too =P The lyrics are simple, but nothing really leaps at me, except the use of cell phone. I don't know why, but that just kind of bothers me. Maybe cause the concept of erasing someone from your cell phone sounds like something a 13 yr old kid would do, it just feels oddly immature... Perhaps you can rethink that line. Other than that I think this might work out pretty well =D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ProgRock11 Posted November 15, 2007 Members Share Posted November 15, 2007 Ummm, I agree it sounds like something Jet might have wrote. The cell phone thing bothers me too...if I were to hear that line on the radio I would change the station. What I do like is that you're not trying to be overly poetic and serious, like emo poetic dirges that get old because every band uses them and they all sounds the same. You're lyrics are cold (non-emotional), but cold in such a way that they are cool; like saying "this is the way it is, {censored} her...I'm out." What style of music do you play? What kind of arrangement will you go with these lyrics? I could definitely see this being a kind of "garage rock," White Stripes doing their best Stones impression type. But of course, I could be way off base. Anyway, the lyrics are not bad...try coming up with something different for the cell phone part. Other than that, post the song when you're done, I'm interested in hearing what you do with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mmmiddle Posted November 15, 2007 Author Members Share Posted November 15, 2007 Yeah so far it is working out to be pretty garagey but kind of in an early '60s way with a Moog synth-line underneath it. I'll post it once I pull it together. I'm at the very early stages with it. Thanks for the comments! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Li10 Posted November 15, 2007 Members Share Posted November 15, 2007 I thought they were pretty good. Didn't think much of it up until the chorus, it seemed to me like it was heading down the much-trodden erm, "emo" path. You know, moping over this woman and stuff. But it didn't, which is good. The cell phone line does seem kind of childish to me. They remind me of the white stripes for some reason, which is strange since I never listen to the white stripes. I dunno.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Geno_xl Posted November 15, 2007 Members Share Posted November 15, 2007 For some reason this song seems like a new country type song to me. I could actually hear how it would sound in my head. If it's a country song I think the cell phone line would sound about right. the only problem with this song for me is the title. post it again when you record it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Adondai Posted November 16, 2007 Members Share Posted November 16, 2007 Maybe cause the concept of erasing someone from your cell phone sounds like something a 13 yr old kid would do, it just feels oddly immature... Perhaps you can rethink that line. D Ahahaha... yeaaa thats ultimate rejection! oh and deleting someone from your myspace friends list! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members King_For_A_Day Posted November 16, 2007 Members Share Posted November 16, 2007 Even though the rhymes are pretty standard ("maybe", "baby"), with the right kind of music behind it, it would be cool; I don't hear anything too complicated. I don't like the "cell phone" part either, but not because of the content or intent. I don't like the fact that the rhymes in the chorus just have the vowel sound in common, not the consonants. I like exact rhymes better in a chorus. I think it adds to the catchiness that I think a chorus should have... but that's just me. Your lyrics won't win any awards yet, but they work for, let's say, a first draft. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Blackened01 Posted November 16, 2007 Members Share Posted November 16, 2007 She can spend Friday nights alone with her heart so cold Dont count on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mmmiddle Posted November 16, 2007 Author Members Share Posted November 16, 2007 Ooh that myspace idea is pretty good. I might use that and make the song really teenage. I'll forget about our first kissI'll erase her from my friends' listShe can think about all she'll miss with her heart so cold Ha ha ha. Yeah the way I'm working the song out these kinds of lines will actually sound better with it since it's kind of in the vein of that Buddy Holly song, "All my love." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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