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First Songs


Songwriter81

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on "Strong Girl" I liked the line "how she prays and looks away"... at least it was something like that. That was a real high point in the lyrics department. Great guitar playing as far as I'm concerned, and recording sound is good.

 

after another listen I really like the guitar-ing in that song.

 

I don't really take a liking to most of the rest of the lyrics though... they don't seem to get their point across to me very well. "watch out for your mother" was another good part in the lyrics, my two favourite parts of the song (in the lyrics department). Well, they do get the point across (the girl's dad has died and her mother is not very nice? or something?), but the words chosen don't seem to express the emotion very well for me at least.

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I think "Strong Girl" is quite good, the lyrics don't pin the girl down but they certainly give us a lot of shading to her character. I wonder if maybe it needs just a little more of a bring-home at the end, lyrically (or perhaps in the chorus). Something to sort of let us wrap our sense of the song and its meaning around... But I think it's really pretty good, as is.

 

 

"Untitled" seems just a half square away... a couple rough spots ("situation getting old" -- maybe some other song, but here it feels not up to the rest of the song, a little shopworn, a little too tied to our time [or times recently passed]). I wonder if it might be a little stronger if you tied emphasized the showing-up-at-the-door metaphor a little more... In the beginning he's delighted to see her standing there at midnight (apparently unbidden) but by the end, he's locking the door... I think you can get a little more power out of that juxtaposition with some work.

 

I look at that type of juxtaposition as a kind of difference engine... or, maybe, the analogy of an electric battery is better... or Hegelian dialectics... anyhow, it's all about dynamic tenson. (And it works good for building muscles, too. Oh, wait...)

 

 

Anyhow, some good work. Now that you've raised our expectations -- we're gonna expect some killer things from you. :D

 

 

BTW... some sweet and stinging strat-work. (I assume it's a strat. If it's not a strat it needs to send a royalty check to Leo Fender in heaven. Do NOT send it to FMI. ;) ) Please do not tell me you were singing and playing at the same time. (And if you were, just let me say, right here and now: I hate you. :D;):D )

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