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I wrote this yesterday. I wouldn't mind a crit as I think it needs editing in parts.


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Okay, so as some of you know I'm new to writing lyrics. However, I've been writing everyday since I started the thread, and this is my latest work. I'm not sure about it, but would like some thoughts. I've yet to revise or edit it, but I think it could do with a lot. ((Btw, this wouldn't be sang, but spoken. I still want to write some music for it though.))

Here we go:


You wake up in your sea of tranquillity. Your head feels the yielding comfort from under it, and sinks. And it doesn

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