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Long time bassplayer, relatively new songwriter


Rowka

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Yeah, I've spent a lot of tim ein the Harmony Central bass Forum (just look at that post count).

 

I've started putting together some lyrical ideas and would like a little bounce off, if you wouldn't mind.

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I like the first part of One More Set best of all of this work, for the momentum and the expression. The part about hand in pocket playing with key reminded me of the Melanie rollerskates song though, not a good thing, unless of course you think it is, then, hey!

 

The others reminded me a bit of Timbuk3 work, which I like; there are lines and ideas in each that I enjoy.

 

"Got a new girl and she's looking real hot" is just insane. Deathwish.

 

Some of your imagery, like "rather be feeling you", I don't know; maybe it's my imagery and you have something else in mind, or maybe I'm thinking about it too hard, or I'm too visual/literal, or maybe I'm a perv. It just seems really odd to me to flat-out say "I'd rather be feeling you." Makes me smile. I understand it, I'm sure it's true of course, but still... who says that? You do. Cool.

 

 

Company Money seems the most developed of these; I wonder if you are a diarist songwriter, when you describe real actions and behaviors you seem to do very well. If you are just starting out as you say then simply describing what you are doing and seeing and seeing others do is an area of strength for you, something you could build on quickly.

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Thanks,

"just starting out" is a bit of an exaggeration, but it's not like I've been really honing a craft. Maybe a restart is a better description of my current stage.

 

I expected much of these to come off as sophomoric cliche (both in imagery and rhyme scheme/word choice), but ya gotta write crap before you can write something good. If I can find a few diamonds that can be set in a mount of rework, all the better.

 

If you'll indulge me I'll post a few more.

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(this one I'm currently playing with my band. I hope to have a recording sometime soon)

 

Wasting All My Time

 

 

No I never did know a man

Who could tell the word the truth and make them understand

No I never did know a place

Where the color of a person

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You were holding out the good stuff, weren't you.

 

I'm guessing that these last three have been around and been worked on longer?

 

Very nice. Turn on the Heat and Don't you know need to be heard. This writing reminds me of work SRV used to do; I think Doyle Bramhall wrote things for him but I'm not sure about that.

 

I like these lyrics, I can begin to hear them.

 

Wasting All My Time was not as strong for me, not as focused.

 

Interesting that I suggested you would do well with physical description and you came back with two strong pieces communicating abstract feelings.

 

What do I know. :idk:

 

 

 

Thanks! :):wave:

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Wow, I appreciate the comments.

 

Of the songs I posted In chronological order:

 

Company Money (written while on a business trip. My company was located in New Jersey and they sent me to Tampa for a week. I was on the balcony listening to the Gulf of Mexico when I penned that. I was rather pleased with the "Take a box of pens/And a couple pads of Post-Its/Put them in the car and/Hope nobody notes it" rhyme)

 

Wasting All My Time (I agree that the first verse seems out of place, but otherwise i think it captures the futility of the Rat Race rather well).

 

Rather Be Feeling You (meh, at the time I thought the title line was a clever bit of word play and the rest was forced around it. I find it much less clever now).

 

One More Set (Not really sure what to say about this one. I sharpened the pencil with the intention of writing a song. I found no melody and instead wrote a poem. By the time I got to the end I still had no melody but knew there was one out there. I'm still looking for it).

 

Don

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