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Songwriting Challenge 9 - The Reveal


rsadasiv

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Now That I've Found Love

 

It's a little mainstream for me like all of this author's work. And yet there was a nice tenderness to it that kinda won me over. The only thing missing about it is that it really calls for a fuller slicker production.

 

Black Hole

 

Concise and cute. Maybe a bridge might help but it was certainly pleasant enough.

 

One Last Thing

 

Some of the lyrics are a bit cliche. But the song is just gorgeous and touching. I dug this a lot. The nonchalant delivery really works for me.

 

Marie

 

Kind of a darker feel here...somewhat forboding. I thought it was a nice continuation of the Eclepto Funk style.

 

How'd That Happen?

 

Another cute short one. I thought this one could be longer though, even if it's supposed to "just be a scribble".

 

Pretend We're In Love

 

Really nice lyrics on this one...you really capture the dashed hopes of unrequited love. Beautiful work.

 

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Good turnout and nice pieces. It's a bit sad though that so few turn up to listen. The number of people listening/reviewing on this forum seems to get lower and lower as time goes on...

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Now That I've Found Love - Reminded me a lot of "I'd Really Love to See You Tonight" by England Dan and John Ford Coley (the melody/chord change around "I'm never gonna let you go" mirrors the melody/chord change into the chorus of IWRLTSYT).

 

But... and that's the point. You need a but. The bridge should bring the conceit of the verse into question, so that the question can be fully resolved in the chorus. This song doesn't have a but - there is no conflict to be resolved. I'm not positing IWRLTSYT as the perfect pop song (although it is pretty darn good), but I'm looking for a concrete example, so work with me (here's a youtube link if you are not familiar with the song).

 

The verse is basically the story of a booty call.

 

Hello, yeah, it's been a while.

Not much, how 'bout you?

I'm not sure why I called,

I guess I really just wanted to talk to you.

And I was thinking maybe later on,

We could get together for a while.

It's been such a long time,

And I really do miss your smile

 

Everyone has made or received (or more likely, both) one of these calls. And the dramatic/conflict question for all of these calls is: will the callee reject all of the reasons that they broke up in the first place and invite to caller to come back, even if just for one night.

 

The chorus is basically his best pickup line:

 

There's a warm wind blowing, the stars are out,

And I'd really love to see you tonight.

 

So will she or won't she? The chorus is pretty compelling (especially the echoed "see you tonight"), but the bridge calls the outcome into question by voicing the reasons that they broke up in the first place.

 

I won't ask for promises,

So you won't have to lie.

We've both played that game before,

Say I love you, then say goodbye.

 

Fortunately for our hero, the power of the pop hook conquers all, and after the final chorus fades away I am pretty sure they were making the beast with two backs in short order.

 

That's more in depth than I really wanted to go, but I do like your stuff: it is always well played, well produced and well meaning - I just wish that there was a little more edge to your songwriting.

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Black Hole - Nice B&S style song, with a little Jonathan Richman nasality in the vocals. I would add a bass and pan the drums in the center instead of off to the left.

 

One Last Thing - Really like the chord voicings and the way the melody interacts with the chords and the bass. "some promises are better said than kept" is a great line.

 

Marie - Not the Absolutely Sweet variety. :) Does sound like an Another Side/Bringing It All Back Home outtake, with the stuff about the bearded ladies and jugglers. I think the acoustic is a better fit your your guitar playing than the Tele. "The truth lies where it's spoken/Here's what's buried, here's what's broken" is a great couplet. "One Last Thing" also has a love as flight metaphor. I don't want to keep hammering on pitchiness, but you manage a really good tone in the center of the pitch during the oohs (3:10-3:23), and then come back in to the chorus and start wandering all over the place again ("lies" at 3:29 in particular).

 

How Did That Happen - "What do you think of my love song"? I like it a lot.

 

Pretend We're In Love - I like the different layers and levels of pretense. Not sure that I am convinced about the real love underneath the pretense. That part might need to be fleshed out a little more. The first three lines of "How Did That Happen"

 

Shyly yet slyly I smiled to the side

Saying, "See, it's just me. It's nothing special"

You said, "Yeah, I know," but you knew I'd lied.

 

hook me into their relationship and provide the lyrical bass (sic) for the rest of the song. I guess the couple in "Pretend We're In Love" have plans to run away together but I don't understand who they are or what they would be running from or into.

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I didn't get my song done in time for this one - it was supposed to be a high-concept mashup of music and lyrics crossing all kinds of genre boundaries, but I only finished one of the musical components and the lyrics still need a lot of work. But if you are interested in the interim progress I posted music here.

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hey all ... haven't had much time lately to post ... i went ahead and listened to the songs before reading what others have said, so, sorry if i repeat what's already been stated

 

Now That I found Love: i think it's a charming melody and a celebration of a certain special someone. the lyrics seem a bit too generalized; i was hoping for a more personal feel. hard to beat the feel-good vibes though

 

Black Hole: i really like the feel of this song (sort of post-punk garage goodness). this could be a really, really great feel-good-song-despite-the-gloom if you could somehow get more energy in there ... maybe more jangling guitars or loud cymbals or something to set it on fire under your wonderful delivery

 

One Last Thing: well, i was hooked by the melody from the first note (no kidding); really interesting chord progressions, gets in your head. i'm not sure i can follow the words (i tried); i would probably work on getting the vocal track louder (you have a nice voice)

 

How'd That Happen: another very charming melody, just so perfect ... and the lyrics are interesting in a very simple and heart-felt way ... excellent effect

 

Pretend we're in Love oh, i love the Lou Reed feel to this song (except Lou never sounded this good). this has an elegiac feel to it, with an edge that i like very much, and it ends perfectly. wow ... this is awesome

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