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'Silver Rabbit' - at first glance


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Track: www.myspace.com/muchcollision


Silver Rabbit


Tried a little, won a bit,

So used to losing, I'm digging the pits

Optimism, keep it dripping through


You giving up?

Got an easy route out of here

No stones for losers

This place is paved and its not fair

When they side with you


Let me be frank

Open up over here

We haven't got anything to lose

We'll just believe, it's the right thing to do




Very quick demo of a song I wrote yesterday. I'll be a whole lot more work into this obviously, possibly a third verse preceeding the second chorus, although I quite like the briefness of the song.


Being at such young stage it would nice to get some comments as it stands and suggestions from there.


- Neill

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Sorry to take so long getting to hear this.


Cool changes, cool feel. The lyrics are a little hard to pin down, kind of general but that makes them universal, eh? People can project onto them... ;) That said, I feel like there's a story in this song that wants to come out just a little more. Not too much. Just a little... ;)



PS... somehow it kind of reminds me of the way mid-70s Bowie might approach it, which is a compliment coming from me.

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I like this! When I read through the lyrics they put something different in my head than what you came up with, but by the time I was done listening to the track I had forgotten what my thought was anyway!


I found myself wishing that the one line in the chorus was sung with a repeated word:



We haven't got anything....anything to lose




But maybe that's just me. You're right about the brevity, but you might try adding a short bridge or mid-song interlude of some kind. It could be too much, though.



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