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Go Home To Tonight - First Song Post (Rough, Rough Video)


DadHatter

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Hi, all! Here's my first post in this forum. I wrote this song tonight, and wanted to see what you guys think of it. It's 100% first draft, and needs to be ironed out, but I thought it be cool to get opinions on the first version, revisions, and the final recording.

 

[YOUTUBE][/YOUTUBE]

 

Go Home To Tonight

 

Give it a break

Lay it on the line

Don't let your life go passin' by

Give it a spin

And let love in

'Cause we're just running out of time

I'm not the man that you've been dreaming of

And he's a man who wants to drink all of your love

Mixed with a potion, filled with loneliness and tears

That makes me sit alone and wish away the years

 

Cause it's too late to wonder

It's too late to cry

But early to forget

That I'm dying inside

 

So much for living on a roller-coaster ride

So much for loving, if only on the side

So much for wishing that I would catch your eye

'Cause I'm not the one you'll go home to tonight

 

In's thrown the towel

White flag's raised

I know it's time to take my place

In the loser's circle

With some guys

Who look like 50 bad first dates

I'll fake a smile 'cause your future looks so bright

I'll try to back off, girl I'll try with all my might

Pass the torch to so-called "Great love number two"

And pray for daylight when I'm dreaming about you

 

Cause it's too late to wonder

It's too late to cry

But early to forget

That I'm dying inside

 

So much for living on a roller-coaster ride

So much for loving, if only on the side

So much for wishing that I would catch your eye

'Cause I'm not the one you'll go home to

 

So much for living on a roller-coaster ride

So much for loving, if only on the side

So much for wishing that I would catch your eye

'Cause I'm not the one you'll go home to tonight

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Sounds great. I always admire people who can write a song and immediately perform it. Being a drummer, I suck at playing guitar or keyboards and singing at the same time. Actually I suck at guitar and keyboards. But who wants to listen to a drummer write and perform songs with a hi-hat and cowbell? Anyway, your song is really good. Flesh it out with some instrumentation and it'll be set for radio. Good job!

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Sounds great. I always admire people who can write a song and immediately perform it. Being a drummer, I suck at playing guitar or keyboards and singing at the same time. Actually I suck at guitar and keyboards. But who wants to listen to a drummer write and perform songs with a hi-hat and cowbell? Anyway, your song is really good. Flesh it out with some instrumentation and it'll be set for radio. Good job!

 

 

Thanks, man. I appreciate the kind words and encouragement!

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I was a little confused about what was going on through the first verse. At first I thought the singer was kissing off the girl, not the other way around. I liked the line about the potion, although it was robbed a little of impact by my confusion about the context the first time around. There are one or two places where your singing line breaks in the middle of a sentence that's a tiny bit offputting. Also the "In's thrown the towel..." line may be more or less grammatically correct but it sounds just a wee bit over-clever... on the other hand, as I roll it around in my own mouth, it sort of pleases me. I have a soft spot for too-clever, maybe... :D

 

All in all, I think this is a strong effort with a lot going for it and I don't know that it needs much more work at all (if any). Go ahead on!

 

;)

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I really dig one-man acoustic performances, so you got me on that one. :)

 

I liked the comp, and I especially liked the "Cause it's to late to wonder..." chorus and progression. I think this one will flesh out nicely with some accompaniment, maybe some piano chords underneath and some not so in your face drum pieces. Good stuff man, and here's to you for posting the video.:thu:

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I was a little confused about what was going on through the first verse. At first I thought the singer was kissing off the girl, not the other way around. I liked the line about the potion, although it was robbed a little of impact by my confusion about the context the first time around. There are one or two places where your singing line breaks in the middle of a sentence that's a tiny bit offputting. Also the "In's thrown the towel..." line may be more or less grammatically correct but it sounds just a wee bit over-clever... on the other hand, as I roll it around in my own mouth, it sort of pleases me. I have a soft spot for too-clever, maybe...
:D

All in all, I think this is a strong effort with a lot going for it and I don't know that it needs much more work at all (if any). Go ahead on
!


;)

 

Thanks for your comments! I suppose I should have clarified the "idea" of the song, so you guys can tell me which lines don't fit.

 

The concept of the song is someone who was always a big part of someone's life (first love), but it didn't end up working out. This is about when that person finally moves on with someone else, and instead of feeling like a big part, you feel like you're grouped with all of the other random people that person has had relationships with in the past. Hence, resigning to "the loser's circle with some guys who look like 50 bad first dates".

 

Mike

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Actually, I got all that in the course of the song. A little momentary confusion is not necessarily a bad thing. I'm still trying to figure out bits of some of my favorite songs, decades later... ;)

 

And, for evaluating/critquing, I actually prefer to let the song lyrics and performance stand on their own -- at least on the first hearing/reading.

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i got most of that the first time through... not all but the main part.

 

i like the lyrics and the the guitar and your voice. but maybe the recording mic is too close to the guitar. i like the hard strums but it seems to hit the mic. maybe a bit more distance between guitar and mic?

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i really like how in the chorus (Cause it's too late to wonder, It's too late to cry, But early to forget, That I'm dying inside) you didnt raise your pitch like many other artists. wow, you sound like john mayer just a little. i really love the song, i just went through that situation with a girl at my hs. Wow, that song really got to me... A++++ pls, make a better copy.

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i got most of that the first time through... not all but the main part.


i like the lyrics and the the guitar and your voice. but maybe the recording mic is too close to the guitar. i like the hard strums but it seems to hit the mic. maybe a bit more distance between guitar and mic?

 

 

Yeah, I'm just using the internal camera on my iMac, so sound quality is really poor. I'm going to have to get a mic/audio interface.

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