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Song -- Another coin in her coinpurse


dbd1963

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I have no idea where this song is coming from. I have only lightly edited it since it came to me. I used to iron the sheiza out of these things if I thought there was something in it that wouldn't reflect well on me. I think this one is full of a whining misogyny. And I don't know anyone who could "count you up and spend you" so it doesn't even seem to fit my life in its form now, but it wanted to be born, so here it is.

 

Another coin in her coinpurse

lo-fi URL: http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=6722667&q=lo

hi-fi URL: http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=6722667&q=hi

 

Pre-emptively-

 

I know I am not the world's greatest singer.

 

I know I have tiMING problems.

 

I'm not thinking much about production values, I'm looking for constructive advice about songwriting. There are lines in this thing that clunk and I wonder if folks notice them and have any suggestions. There is a transition in the music that I'm wondering about -- maybe it should have some "cover" from a lead bit or something. I'm looking for advice like that. Here are the lyrics:

 

 

*****

 

Another coin in her coin-purse

 

If a solution can't be found

Let's say it right out loud

Don't need another night to think it over

With our heads up in the clouds

Sure we can get it right somehow

 

She is never where you need her

It's getting harder to believe her

These lonely nights seem so familiar

There's no substitute for love

Can't we get it right somehow?

 

Say-say what you will

And it doesn't mean a thing

To the girl who has it all

She will never need you

Only count you up and spend you

Another coin in her coin-purse

 

Another diamond for her ring

Another shining possessed thing

You always think that you can keep her happy

Asking more than fates allow

Thinking you'll get it right somehow

 

Say-say what you will

And it doesn't mean a thing

To the girl who has it all

She will never need you

Only count you up and spend you

Another coin in her coin-purse

 

If a solution can't be found

Then let's say it right out loud

Don't need another night to think it over

Keep our feet flat on the ground

And then we'll get it right somehow

 

Say-say what you will

And it doesn't mean a thing

To the girl who has it all

She will never need you

Only count you up and spend you

Another coin in her coin-purse

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Nice to see you here again. And I'm glad you're still writing and recording.

 

This is a cool tune. It has a kind of 70s vibe to me in its rhythm and interesting chords/changes - is there a major seventh chord in there? I liked it a lot. I don't see it as misogynistic so much as an archetype of a spoiled unsympathetic princess. More than half of Elvis Costello's catalog is full of songs like this...LOL.

 

It needs an instrumental intro outlining the chords and rhythm before we jump into the vocals.

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Thanks folks, I appreciate the feedback.

 

The main chords are strange ones -- I don't really know if they have a definite name, but I'm using them as an F and G of some sort, judging by the notes I play on the bass anyway.

 

There is an A7 when I'm singing "coin in her coin-purse". I likes me some sevens..

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When I first read the lyrics I was thinking it was going to rock out a little more, but it was still a good song. I like the song....I kind of felt a classic rock tone mixed with some ska. Vocals seemed a little awkward to me when I first started listening, but they seemed to settle into my mind and sounded good. Definitely radio worthy. Very catchy tune...good job!

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I dig it a lot. As far as the writing goes I can only think of one thing to suggest, and (in my mind anyway) it would help the song a lot.

 

Instead of "another coin in her coin-purse" I'd say "another coin in her slot." and just strech 'in' an extra syllable so it still fits with the metre you have with the chords. Then it at least has a seeming rhyme with "the girl who has it all".

Plus it has a sexy double entendre. :lol:

 

And as for the sound, I'd maybe just take it down one step? For most of it the singing is fine but the highest parts are a bit of a stretch for your range (it sounds like anyway) and I think you would benefit from either bringing the song down in key, or even popping up into falsetto for those high parts to give it a bit something different? And btw, very cool chords, reminds me of Starlight Zone on good old Sonic The Hedgehog 1. :thu::thu::thu:

 

Great job man! :D

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Cool song. Nice melody and interesting chords (it definitely sounds like a major 7th to me as well). The lyrics do not come across as misanthropic - reading them on the page I could see how you might think that, but listening to them I don't get that impression at all.

 

Welcome back, and glad to see you are still writing. :wave:

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Thanks for the comments guys. I appreciate them.

 

Instead of "another coin in her coin-purse" I'd say "another coin in her slot."

Great job man!
:D

 

I had something of the same thought, but was thinking of using something like "Tool in her tool-box." The double entendre is quite obvious with that, but it seemed a little too obvious. The "coin-purse" isn't as obvious a double-entendre, but the association can be made.

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As far as songwriting goes, I think this is a very solid effort! I think you're leaning in the right direction, style-wise (though as you note, this is very rough)... but I could really see this as a light but surprisingly sharp edged little sleeper in Hall & Oates mode. The kind of thing that slips past you pleasantly enough until you finally catch some of the lyrics and find yourself thinking, Hey, he must have gone out with my ex-GF, too...

 

[i know I'm not here to comment on execution/performance but the biggest problem I see with this little demo is that the bass is way too busy. It doesn't give the guitar or singing any room to breathe.]

 

 

I think this is, lyrically, a very well written song. I'll leave it to others to weigh in on musical structure (as I ran the feel of the song back through my memory, I'm feeling like maybe it could have stood a little more variation in the middle, maybe a little bridge or break... more an arrangement issue).

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