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Your Love Is A Lie


Marko

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This song started with a little guitar part my neighbor played (he comes over once in a while with his guitar), and the drummer seemed to take to it. He said to play it, he put drums to it and I improvised on the Bass.

 

It

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I suggest adding "one" to the line above just to even out the syllables.


"Rid" might be a better word there.

I'd suggest taking out the word "natural" - again syllables...



Need to hear the delivery on line 1 above - it seems too many syllables when I compare it to previous first lines.



The turnaround is good IMO. The one line bolded - I wonder whether you'd share a cold soul...not sure there..



One of the things that I do when reviewing lyrics without music is examine the meter/phrasing/syllables more closely. Any suggestions I make are totally built on that premise so they may not apply when you perform the song.


Other than some minor things the lyrics read pretty well and put the story across clearly. I keep thinking "Now won't you just die!!!???!!!" when I read through this a few times lol....

 

 

 

Good points. Consider though, that song lyrics are much different than poetry, and don

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Again, good points from ido. My only other suggestion for a line: 'But the devil girl is you' you might try 'And the devil, girl, it's you'. Subtle, but it might help. Last verse is strongest IMHO, but the last line trips me up a bit.

 

I also think the Chorus needs some breakup. I'm not a big fan of strict repetition in choruses- you got lots of room to play there, I think you could definitely improve it. Hope it helps.

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I also think the Chorus needs some breakup. I'm not a big fan of strict repetition in choruses- you got lots of room to play there, I think you could definitely improve it. Hope it helps.

 

 

Your love is a lie

Your love is a lie

Your love is a lie

Your love is a lie

 

Yep

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