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Ironic Hip-Hop/Rap project... [WARNING: explicit sexual content]


akliner

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Hello. I'm a pianist/keyboardist by training. But, me and another over-privledged white kid (actually he's Indian) would like to start producing hip-hop songs under the psuedonym "Barbara Walters"...

 

We've written a song called "Best Friend's House", please give me feedback on the lyrical content:

 

You call me on the phone, say you wanna talk dirty

I don't know why, cuz it's only seven-thirty

I say "bitch please" I do not have time to worry

I'm going to see your best friend, cuz she is more purty

 

I wanna go over to your best friend's house

I wanna go over to your best friend's house

I wanna go over to your best friend's house

I wanna do drugs and take my cock out

 

I wanna blow a load in your best friend's mouth

I wanna blow a load in your best friend's mouth

I wanna blow a load in yoru best friend's mouth

I'll let her suck my dick and I might just eat her out, so

 

Put down your makeup; take off your black dress

Lie face down in the center of the mattress

Put down your makeup; take off your black dress

Lie face down in the center of the mattress

 

You always wanna hang out; I never get time alone

Every time we hang out, all you do is bitch and moan

So baby next you call me, all you'll get's a busy tone

Cuz I'm talking to your best friend, yeah she's the one I want to bone

 

I wanna go over to your best friend's house

I wanna go over to your best friend's house

I wanna go over to your best friend's house

I wanna do drugs and take my cock out

 

I wanna blow a load in your best friend's mouth

I wanna blow a load in your best friend's mouth

I wanna blow a load in yoru best friend's mouth

I'll let her suck my dick and I might just eat her out, so

 

Put down your makeup; take off your black dress

Lie face down in the center of the mattress

Put down your makeup; take off your black dress

Lie face down in the center of the mattress

 

RAP BREAK:

 

What you know about my big fat dick?

You better come 'round when it start to get thick

Comin' at you heavy, make your booty go rip

You better bring a bucket, cuz I'll make you sick

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughts?

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Sounds like it was written by someone who's never had sex with a real live woman and wouldn't know how to please another person if he tried.

 

Which is the irony part, right?

 

 

BTW, I put on my moderator hat -- which gives me godlike superpowers -- and edited your thread title to reflect the explicit (notice I did not say mature) sexual content of the lyrics. Since it prevented me, the moderator, from having to delete your thread [because you evidently didn't bother to read the thread permanently stuck near the top of the listings titled: SW Forum RULES (read this BEFORE posting!) ...], no doubt you'll thank me.

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Well I just think it's very funny.

 

Especially the part about "...explicit (notice I did not say mature)..."

 

As far as the lyric itself, the only thing that really works well for me is the lines "Put down your makeup; take off your black dress / lie face down in the center of your mattress"

 

these lines flow well, are visual, and have great potential; they seem sort of wasted here. Maybe they are strongest because they are something you know or see or feel. The rest of the piece seems like fantasy or something in comparison, just a lot weaker.

 

I like a lot of different things; I don't find this work offensive. It's just not very interesting to me. The bragging "RAP BREAK" seems sort of embarrassingly silly. But that's just me; I don't do the brag thing well. I'm interested to know how it goes for you in performance.

 

Seeking irony you may wish to go much farther over the top, you know, "better bring a ladder truck to climb my bone, better bring a milk truck to haul my load home..." That sort of thing. :thu:

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Yeah, I'd agree with RS -- in fact I almost commented on the black dress/makeup lines, myself. It's the one little moment when things come alive for me.

 

Mind you, I don't find this offensive, personally. (I just don't like having to do any work. Did I mention yet I don't get paid? I will.) I mean, one of my favorite songs has the line, "I will drug you and {censored} you / on the permafrost..." So, you know...

 

In fact, those two lines have at least one thing in common. As RS noted, the specifics of the imagery (not to mention the near-universality of a man watching his lover dress or undress in the case of "Best Friend's House") for a moment make this come alive a little, give it some traction.

 

 

Now... all that aside, rap is a funny beast. So much depends on the delivery. I've heard some great performances that really worked -- but when you actually looked at what was being said, it was just stupid. And I don't mean good stupid. Still, with the right rhyming, rhythm, and flow, a bit of nothing can be transcended. Same with dumb ass rock and roll. The right riff and feel can catapult the dumbest lyrics into something transcendent... in a dumb ass kinda way, of course.

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Thanks for the feedback, guys! You're absolutely right in that it is not at all subtle or mature. Also, thanks for clarifying the nature of the content...in the post title.

 

This project really is just for fun. It's about responding to the absurdism of the world around us by using pop music formats to exploit what's ugly.

 

My background is in acting and music; and my counter-part has his degree in Creative Writing. I'll make the beats and do a lot of the vocals, and he'll do vocals and come up with most of the lyrics.

 

Like I said, we're doing the OPPOSITE of trying to make good art.

 

Thanks for the strong opinions! :wave:

 

ALSO: we're both gay men. Which makes the "pleasing a woman" thing a HUUUUUUGE part of the irony.

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Haha. No nudism. But you will see me and an Indian guy in RIP Biggie Tshirts with an inflatable pool filled with Miller "Chill" beer. Also our DJ, Madam MC Spring Break, will be in the background "spinning" the record (pressing GO on a laptop)

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As mentioned above

 

the "black dress / matress" device works well

 

In general, I find it not clever enough (I don't mean that you are not clever or intellgent, I mean the individual piece is a little too "straight")

 

I would start by making it less repetitive -drop each bomb only once and make it a smartbomb with pinpoint precision.

 

a 2Live crew style bluntness can work IF you put some flavor in it. If it is just plain blunt, it can come off like a youth who is just now experimenting with the power of the off-color words.

 

"poop!" (tee-hee-hee)

 

put some funk in it, get some poetry

 

jab a little, don't just look for the putaway

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If you want to do the opposite of trying to make good art...join the Jonas Brothers. You're gay, which makes these lyrics very ironic indeed. Is the ironic thing that your lyrics are no less shocking or filthy than any Hip-Pop song I've heard before? Hmmm. I don't get it; and that's ironic.

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ALSO: we're both gay men. Which makes the "pleasing a woman" thing a HUUUUUUGE part of the irony.

 

Outside looking in, my brother. In the scheme of things, it often seems like it's actually easier for a gay man to please a straight woman. Not sure about in bed -- but certainly in general.

 

;)

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Outside looking in, my brother. In the scheme of things, it often seems like it's actually
easier
for a gay man to please a straight woman. Not sure about
in bed --
but certainly
in general.


;)

 

That may be true. But a lot of times, they only want to talk about how you guys are assholes. :confused:

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