Jump to content

I wrote another tune !!! Scarey one !!!


BushmasterM4

Recommended Posts

  • Members

I wrote another tune with lyrics. My second ever with lyrics. Its called "Walk Home". Im singing and playing all instruments as usual. Enjoy. Lyrics below. LInk http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=6894441&q=hi

 

 

 

What was I doing

Walking down this gravel road

I knew better

Then to travel all alone

I keep hearing noises

Coming from behind those trees

I look around

My mind gets the best of me

 

No where to run

No place to hide

I cant believe

Is it my time to die ?

 

Full moon lights my way

Down this dusty path

I hear that noise again

Oh God !! Its coming fast !!

 

I gotta run

I gotta hide

Here it comes

I dont want to die

 

Im so cold

I feel fright

Its killing me

I guess its my time to die

 

Im so cold

I feel fright

Its eating me !!

Its my time to die

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

As your second effort to place lyrics in a song, I'd say you did alright. The song itself is a little mono toned, my ears would like to hear some more shifts in the melody and more going on with the guitar riff. The bass line repeats over and over, and doesn't allow the song to go anywhere. The guitar riff doesn't change much either. All of this just gives the feeling there isn't much going on musically. Maybe if the riff was changed up a bit for a pre-chorus it would spice things up.

 

Lyrically, I don't have much critique. I think you wrote suitable lyrics for the song and created a sense of paranoia, which I think is what you're going for. However, if it's your mind getting the best of you...what is eating you at the end? Are you overcome with paranoia and that is eating you? Or is it something different?

 

All-in-all, a solid effort. Cheers!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

let me start by saying: Way to go!

The lyrics are good. the bass repeating has accomplished the silent panic thing, in my opinion. I think if you add some more background vocals it could make the song more intense, especially near the end. It's powerful, but I think it could be even more powerful if you'll keep working on it. And you should, I think it has great potential!:thu:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks to all. The original Bass guitar was different and had many more changes. But I tried the simpler groove and it sounded so much more in line with the mood. As far as what is after the person, I leave that unanswered in the story. He thinks at first its his mind playing tricks, but something is actually after him :) Who has not walked at night alone on a quiet road and thaught about monsters getting them :) I do need to fix some drum parts. Im off a few times. I struggle with the drums (not my main instrument). As far as more background vocals near the end, I think your right. I'll give that a try. Thanks again. I had alot of fun with this one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
  • Members
As your second effort to place lyrics in a song, I'd say you did alright. The song itself is a little mono toned, my ears would like to hear some more shifts in the melody and more going on with the guitar riff. The bass line repeats over and over, and doesn't allow the song to go anywhere. The guitar riff doesn't change much either. All of this just gives the feeling there isn't much going on musically. Maybe if the riff was changed up a bit for a pre-chorus it would spice things up.

 

 

BushMaster. Ignore this crooked cat. Maybe he should spice up that dirty kittie litter he's been munching on. Cause he's got nothign to say. Your joint is like bombs over Baghdad, baby. It ROCKS. I hear what you're doing here and I got one thing to say: If I was a broad my panties would be soaked right now. Cause your stuff is ROCKS HARD. Forget the haters. Keep thrashing baby. -M

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hey, pretty good for a second lyrical song! My first five or ten songs were truly awful. Yours is pretty decent in that horric comic kind of thing you're clearly shooting for. There are a few places where it looks like you should have kept going a little to push it away from some predictable bits ('nowhere to run/nowhere to hide,' for instance), but, you know it's not like you're shooting for great literature, here. You're doing a scary song (presumably for Halowe'en). The music does a great job of conveying that.

 

The music, by and large, sounds big and punchy, really pretty darn good. (I wonder if you've considered rapping some creamy, lond delay reverb around that already heavily FXd vocal? I sort of like what you have on the dead vocal now -- but I could easily imagine it really working with the rest of the song if you go just the right, long, dreamy/creamy reverb...nothing hard, nothing harsh. Just something to put up a glossy coat around what you've already got.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
As your second effort to place lyrics in a song, I'd say you did alright. The song itself is a little mono toned, my ears would like to hear some more shifts in the melody and more going on with the guitar riff. The bass line repeats over and over, and doesn't allow the song to go anywhere. The guitar riff doesn't change much either. All of this just gives the feeling there isn't much going on musically. Maybe if the riff was changed up a bit for a pre-chorus it would spice things up.

 


BushMaster. Ignore this crooked cat. Maybe he should spice up that dirty kittie litter he's been munching on. Cause he's got nothign to say. Your joint is like bombs over Baghdad, baby. It ROCKS. I hear what you're doing here and I got one thing to say: If I was a broad my panties would be soaked right now. Cause your stuff is ROCKS HARD. Forget the haters. Keep thrashing baby. -M

 

Thanks. It means alot to hear something good. Im still learning and have a long way to go. But its a blast trying.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Hey, pretty good for a second lyrical song! My first five or ten songs were truly awful. Yours is pretty decent in that horric comic kind of thing you're clearly shooting for. There are a few places where it looks like you should have kept going a little to push it away from some predictable bits ('
nowhere to run/nowhere to hide,'
for instance), but, you know it's not like you're shooting for great literature, here. You're doing a
scary song
(presumably for Halowe'en). The music does a great job of conveying that.


The music, by and large, sounds big and punchy, really pretty darn good. (I wonder if you've considered rapping some creamy, lond delay reverb around that already heavily FXd vocal? I sort of like what you have on the dead vocal now -- but I could easily imagine it really working with the rest of the song if you go just the right, long, dreamy/creamy reverb...nothing hard, nothing harsh. Just something to put up a glossy coat around what you've already got.

 

 

Thanks Blue2blue. The chorus parts (if thats what it is) I doubled a few times and delayed. I need to read up on what makes up a song. Intro, chorus, etc.. I actually have songwriting for dumbies (which I need to read). But your saying put reverb on the dry vocals ? Or all the vocals ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...