Jump to content

don't you dare


myredshoes

Recommended Posts

  • Members

don't you dare tell me you're glad I'm happy

you don't know a thing about it

looking out the kitchen window

shaking colors falling faster

the curtain grey across the roadway

you and I see things the same

if you go who will remember

if you go away forever

think of me while you're deciding

feel my heart beat there inside

if you go please take it with you

is that what you want to do

is that what you want to do

is that what you want to do

is that what you want to do

don't you dare ask me to tie ups loose ends

don't use me to clean the closet

I'm not here to help you get things settled

I'm not an item on a checklist

and I don't need a single thing

I don't need a single thing

no I don't need anything

 

don't you dare leave me alone in this world

don't you dare leave me alone in this world

don't you dare leave me alone in this world

 

 

 

 

 

 

don't you dare tell me you're glad I'm happy

you don't know a thing about it

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

There seemed to be contrary clues here (imagine, ambiguity!) The other in this song doesn't 'know a thing about' whether or not the singer is happy... yet we also hear that they both see things the same way -- but that seems possibly ironic... the preceding lines are about looking out the kitchen window... maybe it's to highlight the ironic divergence... they're looking out the same window... seeing the same things but... no, wait, they see things the same way... Hmm... ambiguity...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Can't say I understand the basic plot of this...we see things the same...we see them diff...I especially liked this line...

 

don't use me to clean the closet...that had a cool message at least I took it as.."don't ask me to clean up your mess"

 

Good job!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I think if you cut down in the explicit angry recriminations and make the tone more neutral (even slightly apologetic) and make the recriminations implicit, but leave them hanging over the situation like the smell of a bar on a drunk, you could have yourself a really good mid-period Raymond Carver story.

Why are these two people in the scene together? Clearly they have a history and some unfinished business - he can't have come over just to have a screaming match?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yeah I wrote this with a minute or two to spare at the end of the day yesterday. I wanted to get it down & I key much faster than I write longhand. Mostly this was a process of removing information rather than embelishing or expanding on a theme. I wrote it all out and then went through it blocking and deleting.

 

It seems very flawed and inchoherent today but that's the way it goes sometimes. I don't mind making mistakes. I'm sort of used to it.

I don't think I'll do any more work with this song though.

 

I guess the funny thing about it this, if there is one, is that at the time I wrote it it seemed the most vital thing I'd done in ages.

 

Thank you for your comments.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

i wasnt critiquing. just wondering where that came from. but i know that you dont always think when you write, otherwise ya wouldnt use my lame jokes or lame ass advise my friends give me for your songs
:lol:

 

THAT STUFF IS GOLDEN! :D

I now pronounce you codependant

miss you may kiss the defendant

wouldn't let him cut the cake

try to have a pleasant day...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

you gonna name that one MCTI Jackass?
:lol:

 

I am not a jackass but I play one on the blue screen. :)

 

 

 

Anyway, no this is the one about your bud's mom telling him "Don't marry someone you can live with - marry someone you can't live without."

 

Going to call it momma something, momma's knee... :idk:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I am not a jackass but I play one on the blue screen.
:)



Anyway, no this is the one about your bud's mom telling him "Don't marry someone you can live with - marry someone you can't live without."


Going to call it
momma
something,
momma's knee
...
:idk:

 

um...thats why i said MCTI Jackass....i call him jackass :lol: call it whiney mommas boy then ill send him a million copies :D:lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Members

Yo, shoes....

 

I love the way you write. I love your cadence, your perspective and your off center rhyming.

 

Sometimes I hear your tunes.

 

That, by the way, is my only problem. I can't quite get around a song until I really hear it......give it up, man!

 

 

i know that you dont always think when you write

 

 

BTW....I thing the Misfit has it right..........and that is why it works.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yo, shoes....


I love the way you write. I love your cadence, your perspective and your off center rhyming.


Sometimes I
hear
your tunes.


That, by the way, is my only problem. I can't quite get around a song until I really hear it......give it up, man!




BTW....I thing the Misfit has it right..........and that is why it works.

 

The Misfit :lol: also is interning at a recording facility, so maybe we will be able to sneak in there one day with our charts and lyrics and pretty guitars...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

The Misfit
:lol:
also is interning at a recording facility, so maybe we will be able to sneak in there one day with our charts and lyrics and pretty guitars...

 

actually my boss told us at the meeting that once we get in the swing of things, get some work rollin, and have extra time and expense allowance with the equipment/business, that we'll have a chance as a treat to use the studio to record our own stuff :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Can't say I understand the basic plot of this...we see things the same...we see them diff...I especially liked this line...


don't use me to clean the closet
...that had a cool message at least I took it as.."don't ask me to clean up your mess"


Good job!!

 

 

that was what i was thinkin tooo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I shall await the results.


Poignant lyrics and pretty guitars.....a promising combination.

 

flames.33 took a shine to this lyric so I've let don't you dare go for them to use as they wish. I liked what you said about hearing the music; I almost always hear (internal) music while writing. I'm very curious to see what others do though and I would enjoy learning what someone else hears musically. :cool:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...