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Ok guys, this is the Version with vocals......


Joeytpg

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EDIT: ok guys, re-sang the tune, let me know what you think please.

 

Guys this is the latest mix... I added the vocals.... still no bass

 

 

tell me what you think as a whole, as a song, mixing aspects etc...

 

I need to tweak a few more stuff once the new bass gets here, so I gotta record that, and re-tweak.

 

but tell me your opinon

 

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6941016

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I would of liked the lyrics...to me that is a big part of songwriting...anyway very mellow pretty sound...vocals at times were very good...at times not so good...example would be the word around around around...didn't work for me...echo's done right and reverb the same can sound very cool....your not that far off though on those echo's and reverbs...the music and mellow feel are very nice...good job!!:)

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I'm not sure the vocals are really quite there, yet. Well, actually, I don't think they are. There are parts where they work but more than a couple places where there are some decided pitch issues, particularly in the melismatic phrases where you're going up and down and all around... While it does work in parts and I can tell you're going for a jazzy/soulful falsetto... I'm not sure that this is necessarily the best key for you for this... However, maybe a little more work bringing the wild bits a little more into the fold would get you by in this key. Still, it seems like you're pushing your abilities in this range and it's manifesting in wayward pitch at times.

 

 

Almost there. ;)

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I really like the musical arrangement!

It's a good track (I can picture myself listening to the track while in my car with the windows down driving away to wherever)... BUT... vocals definitely need work. You go in and out of pitch in most of the song and the falsetto thingie.. uffff... I didn't dig those at all.

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thank you so much man... I still don't think this is the final version....it need the bass lines (my new bass gets here in a week or so). Plus I'm not really HAPPY with the vocals....I know there are some out of tune words here and there.....(I'm tracking my vocals in my room and there's a law firm next to my room...wall to wall....so I can't sing as loudly and freely as I'd want, and I KNOW that's getting to me when it comes to feel/pitch/etc etc...

 

 

but I'm happy with how it's going so far. I'll leave that one alone untill the bass gets here and I'll start recording another one, Ill post it here. Thanks you so much for the comments. :)

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Having the bass in there might help guide you, pitch-wise, as well. Sometimes when I'm tracking vocals, I'll turn the bass up pretty loud and pull the guitars down some (if I feel like they could be getting in the way, confusing things).

 

And, as your post suggests, not being able to sing at your accustomed volume can mean you can't push 'enough' air through to get the kind of pitch control you're used to. (It's often easier for many folks to control pitch as they sing more loudly. Of course, it's a good thing to extend one's control to lower volumes, since singing at the top of one's lungs all the time is, in most genres, not necessarily desirable, and certainly a strain on the vocal apparatus.)

 

Also, sometimes with these jazzy things, for some of us, it can take some doing sorting out the proper pitch. One issue that is often not well understood is that the equal-tempered intonation system that defines how modern pianos, organs, most synths, guitars and many other instruments are pitched means that, internally within a given key, most intervals are slightly out of tune. Thirds, seconds, sevenths, and sixths are particularly out, while fourths and fifths are relatively close to the true harmonic interval. (This is a big part of the reason that it is impossible to properly tune a guitar using harmonic overtones as the only guide. The harmonic overtones are the true interval -- but your guitar should not be tuned to the exact fourths but actually the fourth plus about 2 cents.) That's one of the reasons why really sophisticated vocal harmony groups tend to not use background instruments like organs where long, hold-chords may present a conflicting pitch to the singers' natural tendancy to sing true harmonic intervals against each other. (For instance, on a 'perfectly' tuned organ dial up a straight tone with no trem/vibrato, play a major third triad -- and listen to the beat tone that develops from the slightly out of tune chord. [You'll have to read the Wikipedia article linked above to find out why we generally can't use the perfect harmonies of just intonation all the time. Fascinating reading. Honest.]

 

Anyhow, sounds like you're on the right track here and I can't wait to hear how it turns out!

 

:)

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Having the bass in there might help guide you, pitch-wise

 

 

I need the bass to be there before I track my vox.

 

I really like this tune......something about the way it moves makes we want to hear it again.

 

Work within your vocal abilities to find a place where you can sing this song fearlessly and that extra 20% satisfaction will come.

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thanks a lot LeonarScaper :) I'll try my best and post a good result when the bass gets here.

 

Blue.....man you're right on... I haven't thought of that .....the chords on that song are:

 

Verse: Dmaj9no5 (I had to "create" the chord in a chord designer to know the name, I picked it up from a John Mayer song that had it, and I really dug it...... (this is the chord: http://www.chorderator.com/cgi-bin/generate.py?tuning=EADGBE&chordName=Dmaj9no5 I'm playing the last figure)

 

second chord is Em7, third is back to the first and the last chord is Gmaj7no3

 

the chorus is Cmaj7, Bmin7, and D

 

 

so as you can see there are some "weird" chors and without a bass maybe it's a bit hard for my ear to "stay in the same pitch" for example the first chord on the verse can fit a sang E or a sang C# you know what I mean?

 

I REALLY haven't thought of that untill you mentioned it. :facepalm:

 

also...my ear while not bad, is not AWESOME.....my girlfriend for example, doesn't play any instruments (has a natural warm pretty voice, but is not a singer) and can pretty much tell if something is in pitch or not RIGHT AWAY......It takes me a while........ if it's close.

 

 

anyways....I'll re-sing it once the bass lines are there and I know it'll be better.

 

I've posted the tune in facebook for my friends to listen to, and I've gotten some pretty good feedback....I think it's a nice tune, I like it a lot.

 

thank you all for your kind words, and VERY helpful comments/opinions/tips :wave:

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Dig the chords and guitar work - can really hear the John Mayer influence. The mix is pretty trebly - some bass guitar would help that (in addition to whatever it might do for the vocal pitchiness). The wah break is cool, as is the Benson via Mayer scatting at the end.

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Yeah...lots of pitch problems here. I'm get the feeling it might be out of your range vocally. Yeah, I see others have hinted at it. I'll be honest, it's a little hard to get around the vocals to give you a solid critique on the song itself. The bass will help immensely. I say practice, practice, practice...make sure you can hit those notes!

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I'm going with the consensus here - excellent tune but pitchy vocals on this version. I think you have the ability to sing this in the key it's in but it might take some practice. Another option is to detune a half step and try that. I'm not a fan of detuning cause it requires a dedicated guitar but it allows you to play in naturals instead of flats and sharps and can keep the chord forms the same. :rolleyes:

I do think that this tune is hot and so I look forward to the next version once you get it recorded.....:thu:

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The vocal range sounds a little high for you and so there are some control issues as everyone is saying. It seems to me that you haven't completely decided what notes you want to sing in certain spots of your melody and you're picking notes that lie outside of the chords underneath. At least that's the way it sounds to me. You need to figure out what notes work, practice singing the melody and record confident performances to bring the song to fruition.

 

The song has lots of potential to be a good one for you and you know how to put your basic ingredients together.

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thanks you all once again......

 

you're all correct on the voice comments..... there's a lack of "confidence".....I know how to sing (don't mean ot come of as an arrogant prick, so pardon me fro the heart) but I've taken lots of singing lessons and I know I can sing in that pitch (even higher) It's just that like someone said, I still haven't REALLY decided in what pitch the vocals should be. As I mentioned (referring to blue2blue last post) the chords are tricky since I can sing on E or C# and I think I'm still going between those two and it makes the vocal arrangements sound "weird"! not really OUT OF TUNE, but WEIRD! am I correct? (that's what I hear at least)

 

I'll record the bass lines and use them as a reference to maintain the vocal pitch.

 

Thank you all very much, I respect/appreciate the comments and opinions greatly.

 

I'll keep you all posted when the next edit is recorded.

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Well you know what?

You DID sound arrogant, you prick!!!!

 

hehehehe just kidding. ;)

 

I just heard the youtube vid you posted on another thread for this song (acoustic) and it sounds awesome!!! Though I would still like to hear the updated version of this!

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I'm not sure the vocals are really quite there, yet. Well, actually, I don't think they are. There are parts where they work but more than a couple places where there are some decided pitch issues, particularly in the melismatic phrases where you're going up and down and all around... While it does work in parts and I can tell you're going for a jazzy/soulful falsetto... I'm not sure that this is necessarily the best key for you for this... However, maybe a little more work bringing the wild bits a little more into the fold would get you by in this key. Still, it seems like you're pushing your abilities in this range and it's manifesting in wayward pitch at times.



Almost
there.
;)

 

Almost there? This guy ALMOST has a good point. If I knew what the hell he was talkin about. I'll give someone $50 bucks if they can tell me what the th hell a "melismatacwhathamacallit" phrase. Maybe I'm exposing my musical ignorance there. But here's one thing I know. This song is the real deal. Your voice is all THERE. I love it. Gots a real fragility to it. I can relate. And that prechorus. I don't know, this might sound queer but. What the hell: It touched me. Forget these haters. You got nothing to learn here. But lots to teach. Thanks, man. I'm inspired to do my best now.

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Almost there? This guy ALMOST has a good point. If I knew what the hell he was talkin about. I'll give someone $50 bucks if they can tell me what the th hell a "melismatacwhathamacallit" phrase. Maybe I'm exposing my musical ignorance there. But here's one thing I know. This song is the real deal. Your voice is all THERE. I love it. Gots a real fragility to it. I can relate. And that prechorus. I don't know, this might sound queer but. What the hell: It touched me. Forget these haters. You got nothing to learn here. But lots to teach. Thanks, man. I'm inspired to do my best now.

 

 

He posted here to be critiqued. We'd be doing him an injustice by not giving our honest opinions on his work. We're not attacking him in anyway or being "haters," we're trying to help steer him in the right direction. We've all posted our work on here at one time or another, so it's not like we don't understand what it's like to be critiqued. Your opinion on his work is just as relevant as everyone else's, so there is no need for unproductive jabs.

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thanks you all once again......


you're all correct on the voice comments..... there's a lack of "confidence".....I know how to sing (don't mean ot come of as an arrogant prick, so pardon me fro the heart) but I've taken lots of singing lessons and I know I can sing in that pitch (even higher) It's just that like someone said, I still haven't REALLY decided in what pitch the vocals should be. As I mentioned (referring to blue2blue last post) the chords are tricky since I can sing on E or C# and I think I'm still going between those two and it makes the vocal arrangements sound "weird"! not really OUT OF TUNE, but WEIRD! am I correct? (that's what I hear at least)


I'll record the bass lines and use them as a reference to maintain the vocal pitch.


Thank you all very much, I respect/appreciate the comments and opinions greatly.


I'll keep you all posted when the next edit is recorded.

 

 

You can definitely sing...we're not saying you can't. The vocals just get off pitch when you try to do too much. Like on vocal runs where you go high then come back lower, you seem a bit unsure of the intermediate pitches. And that's just a little lack of confidence and not trusting your voice which can be easy fixed with proper rehearsal and preparation. For now I wouldn't be so concerned with trying to do so much vocally, when you sing normally everything works...it's only during the vocal runs when problems appear.

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yeah.....again thank you all honestly. I do want opinions/critics/everything man! haha. I think musicians NEED to have thick skin because music is a very subjective thing, but there are still parameter.

 

Matximus, THANK YOU honestly.. I'm glad you liked the song, but blue2blue is a very well respected forumite around here and he really knows what he's talking about......... what I like about his critics is that he gives some of the most objective critics someone can give you. So again, thank you for your kind words, but when you post something here and need opinions, listen/read his.....he's THAT good.

 

ProgRock11: thank you too, I know you weren't implying I couldn't sing..... the "I know how to sing" comment was to make a point on how "insecurity and lack of confidence can ruin a song even if the performer is well trained. :)

 

so again guys, thanks.

 

My bass arrives this week, I'll record the bass lines and vocals again on the weekend and post the result once again. I'm cooking another song too, so spect to "Critique" that one too, soon :p

 

cheers buds! :D

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