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"Past Year's Ghost"; crictics are welcome!


FRua

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This is a song I recently wrote, precisely on January 1st. It deals precisely with the human ritual of gathering at the end of the year, celebrating, but always allowing "ghosts" from the past year enter the new one.

 

Video ensues; 1 take performance, recorded with a Zoom H4. Shame the strings are rusty, but oh well!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTMzUr3kFTc

 

Lyrics:

 

 

Past Year's Ghost

 

 

 

So it unfolds,

with shades of grey

under the

bridge.

 

 

So it unfolds,

with shades of grey

under the

skin.

 

 

and euphoria

driving us

through the hours/

a new light

at the end of this tunnel.

 

 

and so we'll gather

in a house

and bring everyone

along.

with a couple bottles

of wine

and the past years ghost.

 

 

have a laugh,

and take your seat.

If the food is free

then the folks are nice.

 

 

cause we dont know if

the sun will rise

till the skies are

burning high

 

 

and we dont care if

the night is short

well live our time

until its part of

past years ghost .

 

 

----

 

I am looking for thoughts on both the instrumental and lyrics. Thanks for looking!

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Brilliant intro, very skillful playing and moves well into the verse part as well. When you start singing, it reminds me a bit of Iron & Wine (a very good thing). You've got a very pleasant voice. The only critique is that in parts, particularly the chorus, vocals might be made to fit the melody a bit better. Though perhaps that's a style you were going for. I hate to nit-pick, but you probably meant seat not sit on the third to last paragraph.

 

Anyways, overall a very enjoyable song and very well performed. Do you plan to have this as just man & guitar or to add other instruments?

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Thank you very much for your input, Kumihiiri! No offense taken on the correction; since English is not my mother tongue (far from it), I'm always on the look-out for stuff like that. Also, I might agree on the vocals needing to fit the melody better; I guess this song still needs to age too.

I'm planning on adding other instruments as well, I should record another version soon, and should also be playing this with a trio I'm thinking of forming. Again, thanks for the input!

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Nice song. I like the idea behind it and enjoyed the guitar part, although I also agree with Kumihiiri about fitting the melody to some of the lyrics better.

 

The only other thing I would suggest, is that when you hit the end of the lyrics around the 2:30 mark, you seem to ad lib with some of the previously sung lyrics for the next minute before you come to the end. To me, it had the effect of being at the end of the song but you weren't quite ready to end it. It may sound stronger if you were to come up with additional lyrics to sing during that part.

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Thank you once more for the input. Since this song hasn't "aged" yet, and it's 70% composed / 30% improvised, and looking back on the video, I fully agree. I think I'll write some more lines to go along with it; it's always better to have room for more than to have to cut it out!

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I really like the lyrics. I was just reading them while the video was loading so I got to think about what I thought it would sound like. You have a very distinct guitar style and I feel that the singing got in the way, or vice versa. It feels like some of the phrases aren't filling in all the holes, for example after "under the bridge/skin ..." it sounds like you can use a line or two more. Something like 'under the bridge, another day" or something.

 

I do think the lyrics are real good though. Simple, yet poignant in their own way.

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