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Lost Our Way (back home)


333maxwell

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Here is a little alternative country ditty I just finished

if anyone is interested. It's kinda sappy but heartfelt

all the same. I know it isn't everyones cup of tea,

but I never really liked tea anyway.

 

Interested in any thoughts. On mix, words, music or guitar.

 

Lost Our Way (back home)

lo-fi URL: http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=7264505&q=lo

hi-fi URL: http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=7264505&q=hi

 

Lost Our Way (back home)

 

Bettie Jean was the high school queen

now she has 3 kids one's turned 17

in her drawer is a tarnished ring

broken dream, doesn't mean a thing

there are times theres a teardrop in her eye

but she moves ahead and lets the teardrops dry

 

Danny boy was his mommas joy

now mommas gone and he's so withdrawn

He found a girl, but he was just her fling

broken dream doesnt mean a thing

He's never found some one on who he can rely

but he moves ahead as if to defy

 

la la la la

lost our way back home

 

a little girl in her restless world

looks up to the sky as she wonders why

her warm homes gone and the colds stinging

broken dreams don't mean anything

she told her daddy she would make it on her own

her friends all cheered her on, now she's all alone

 

la la la la

lost our way back home

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Here is a little alternative country ditty I just finished

if anyone is interested. It's kinda sappy but heartfelt

all the same. I know it isn't everyones cup of tea,

but I never really liked tea anyway.


Interested in any thoughts. On mix, words, music or guitar.


Lost Our Way (back home)

lo-fi URL:

hi-fi URL:


Lost Our Way (back home)


Bettie Jean was the high school queen

now she has 3 kids one's turned 17

in her drawer is a tarnished ring

broken dream, doesn't mean a thing

there are times theres a teardrop in her eye

but she moves ahead and lets the teardrops dry


Danny boy was his mommas joy

now mommas gone and he's so withdrawn

He found a girl, but he was just her fling

broken dream doesnt mean a thing

He's never found some one on who he can rely

but he moves ahead as if to defy


la la la la

lost our way back home


a little girl in her restless world

looks up to the sky as she wonders why

her warm homes gone and the colds stinging

broken dreams don't mean anything

she told her daddy she would make it on her own

her friends all cheered her on, now she's all alone


la la la la

lost our way back home

 

 

Sorry it took me so long to get to this one. This is really cool. Right up my alley. The "Now momma's gone and he's so withdrawn" line seems just a bit awkward, but that's about it. Very nice work.

 

EG:

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I would take out the lead guitar in the verse or turn it down a little bit. I think that would be better actually. Turn it down a tiny bit. It seems to over power everything else in the verse becides your voice

 

Your voice is pretty unique, kinda creepy but in a good way... good stuff man:thu:

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Sorry it took me so long to get to this one. This is really cool. Right up my alley. The "Now momma's gone and he's so withdrawn" line seems just a bit awkward, but that's about it. Very nice work.


EG:

 

 

 

Thanks man.. actualy the whole 2nd vs has grown to bug me.. a re-mix is pending very soon.

 

I absolutly appreciate the ear and thoughts!

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Really nice music...you know your way around the knobs for recording...good drums...almost Beatles era sound:)

 

Thanks for the time..

 

To be honest I haven't a clue what I am doing mix wise.. these vocals absolutly need re-done. Not to mention I am totaly deaf in my right ear.

 

The deal is, I write so much stuff, one or two mathmatically have the odds of coming out ok.. :)

 

As always I appreciate your ear and am still very much working on the piece we had discussed earlier..

 

Peace!

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I would take out the lead guitar in the verse or turn it down a little bit. I think that would be better actually. Turn it down a tiny bit. It seems to over power everything else in the verse becides your voice


Your voice is pretty unique, kinda creepy but in a good way... good stuff man:thu:

 

 

'Kinda creepy but in a good way'..

 

All the groovy kids are doing it!! *G*

 

Yes, a remix is in the works, more on the vocal end of things.

 

Thanks again!

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This is like The flaming lips go country..


I dug it in the same weird way that I dig the flaming lips.

 

 

Well, I don't know who the flaming lips are, but i'll keep my eyes open should I find any in my wanderings..

 

Appreciate your ear, thoughts and time!

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Thanks for the time..


To be honest I haven't a clue what I am doing mix wise.. these vocals absolutly need re-done. Not to mention I am totaly deaf in my right ear.


The deal is, I write so much stuff, one or two mathmatically have the odds of coming out ok..
:)

As always I appreciate your ear and am still very much working on the piece we had discussed earlier..


Peace!

 

I couldn't help myself and put a little melody together for those lyrics...but your production skills are way higher than mine so nothing says we can't have two versions of the lyrics...though without a doubt yours will be better

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From a lyrical standpoint I found this to be awkward and a bit forced:

 

He's never found some one on who he can rely

but he moves ahead as if to defy

I like the rest of it though.

 

But you forgot to mention trains, trucks, dogs, whiskey, or prison!

 

;)

 

 

:wave:

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From a lyrical standpoint I found this to be awkward and a bit forced:


I like the rest of it though.


But you forgot to mention trains, trucks, dogs, whiskey, or prison!


;)


:wave:

 

I agree that the whole second vs is awkward.. to be honest I wrote the words just minutes before I recorded them as my time in the house with no one there that I could use the mic with was unexpected and only to last a half hour.. so it was rush rush rush...

 

Appreciate the time and thoughts!

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Here are my suggestions...

 

(1) Put a "la,la,la" between the Betty Jean and Danny Boy verses. such as...

 

...lets her teadrops dry

G

la, la, la...(and then play a G to finish the four count)

G

Danny Boy...(by the way, I like the Danny Boy verse)

 

(2) drop the "la, la, la" chorus that is after the first solo (before the third verse); Go directly into "a little girl..." after your solo.

 

(3) go directly into the "la, la, la" chorus after the last verse instead of having a guitar solo there. It will build more tension that way.

 

Having said all that, I strongly recommend you do what you want. I think you have written a good song, congratulations.

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I'm a little iffy (OK, more than a little) about the phrase "as if to defy" but otherwise, it seems without major problems.

 

That said, I couldn't help but wonder if it could somehow be sharpened up a little and the three vignettes tied together a little tighter. (Though I have no idea how, eh? That's where the art comes. ;) )

 

This is a familiar form ("In My Reply," "Castles Made of Sand," many others) and it's a good one but I think the power of such a song will come from the coherence between sections and the way the parts add to a unified whole.

 

"Eleanor Rigby" has an element of such a structure -- we shift from an up close view of Eleanor to an up close view of Father McKenzie (am I getting that name right?) -- but his section of the song, while drawing some detail in his character, seems in large part there to reflect the enigma that was Eleanor. They both represent 'the lonely people' but in somewhat different ways; Eleanor's world is solipsistic; Father McKenzie's reaches out but seemingly can't touch the lives of the lonely people around him.

 

 

Anyway, speaking of the Beatles, the "lost our way back home" line, particularly with your delivery, which often reminds me of an aspect of John Lennon's voice, has a nicely loaded resonance with the Beatles' song, "On Our Way Home."

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I'm a little iffy (OK, more than a little) about the phrase "
as if to defy"
but otherwise, it seems without major problems.


That said, I couldn't help but wonder if it could somehow be sharpened up a little and the three vignettes tied together a little tighter. (Though I have no idea
how
, eh? That's where the
art
comes.
;)
)


This is a familiar form ("In My Reply," "Castles Made of Sand," many others) and it's a good one but I think the power of such a song will come from the
coherence
between sections and the way the parts add to a unified whole.


"Eleanor Rigby" has
an element
of such a structure -- we shift from an up close view of Eleanor to an up close view of Father McKenzie (am I getting that name right?) -- but
his
section of the song, while drawing some detail in his character, seems in large part there to
reflect
the enigma that was Eleanor. They
both
represent 'the lonely people' but in somewhat different ways; Eleanor's world is solipsistic; Father McKenzie's
reaches out
but seemingly can't
touch
the lives of the lonely people around him.



Anyway, speaking of the Beatles, the
"lost our way back home"
line, particularly with your delivery, which often reminds me of an aspect of John Lennon's voice, has a nicely loaded resonance with the Beatles' song, "On Our Way Home."

 

You know me.. it was the same story with this one.. more rhyme than reason.. *L*

 

I was sitting at home working on the music knowing it could be weeks before I ever got any quiet time at the house where I can use the mic, and all of the sudden the kids ae gone, my wife grabs the youngest and says she is going to the store for some bread.. BANG.. I am home alone..

 

I grab a scratch paper and bang out the lyrics as quick as possible and then jump on the mic, I barely got through the last verse and BANG the wife and kids are back home.

 

So I just had what I had and tried to make it work the best.. I soooo want to re-cut this one the way I hear it.. again, maybe in a few weeks..

 

As for the La la la's.. I hadn't associated that with On Our Way Back Home.. but now you mention it there could be a bit of subconscious influence plaguerisim there.. however one influence I deliberatly borrowed from.. the la la la la's came directly from my thinking about Simon and Garfunkles The Boxer. When I was in my haste dropping the lyrics I was coming up with words at that part, and I thought 'la la la la' sounds nice enough, worked for S and G..

 

Anyways, the song has been great fun and got more psotive response than I ever would of imagined.. whoda thunk it..

 

My next piece, as soon as I get some quiet time is i've really got a jones for acoustic guitar and vocals in the nature of a good ol fashioned Folk song... that of course I will jack with nonsense as I never can deliver a strait line without getting goofy..

 

Thanks again Blue.. when I re-write it soon I will drop a link in this post if you want to see how it turns out.. i'll try and make the characters a bit more cohesive to each other.

 

Peace!

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I really like this song. It's good.


EG

 

 

Thanks Elias.. I just took a beating from a guard dog in another forum for the song not being 'country' enough and how he thinks the song is horrid..

 

It's always nice to get pulled in both directions equaly! *G*

 

Appreciate it my friend..

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Thanks Elias.. I just took a beating from a guard dog in another forum for the song not being 'country' enough and how he thinks the song is horrid..


It's always nice to get pulled in both directions equaly! *G*


Appreciate it my friend..

 

 

Not country enough? With that attiude, it never would have progressed beyond big Hank.

 

God, I wonder what they would say about my take on country. Bob Dylan pissed off everybody at one point or another because he went his own and look what it got him. Do yer own thing and do it damned better than anyone else and you'll go. I like the song, and my opinion counts more than their's anyway. I think.

 

EG

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Not country enough? With that attiude, it never would have progressed beyond big Hank.


God, I wonder what they would say about my take on country. Bob Dylan pissed off everybody at one point or another because he went his own and look what it got him. Do yer own thing and do it damned better than anyone else and you'll go. I like the song, and my opinion counts more than their's anyway. I think.


EG

 

Ya, but Bob Dylan was a superstar.. it helps...

 

Me, .. when I be me, I just get threatened to be kicked out of their forums..

 

Silly people and their opinions anyways.. they should know better than to comment on the posts I ask them to comment on..... er... wait a minute.. nevermind! ;)

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I agree that the whole second vs is awkward.. to be honest I wrote the words just minutes before I recorded them as my time in the house with no one there that I could use the mic with was unexpected and only to last a half hour.. so it was rush rush rush...


Appreciate the time and thoughts!

 

 

LOL!

I suffer from the same thing. For me, it's being self-conscious about my singing.

This song is really good. The only thing I would add is perhaps another measure of instrumental between verse 1 and 2. Verse 2 seems to come in too quick. Other than that, really good.

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