Jump to content

Together We Can...


ALyricman

Recommended Posts

  • Members

This is not over yet. I need your opinion. I don't have name for thi lyric and I plan to change last two chorus.

 

When I look into your eyes

I can see that make you go blind

Sometimes your look is prize

But sometimes I can't drive it away

 

When I touch your upset body

I can feel that you want it everyday

Sometimes your touch is sharp

And your touch can change my day

 

I try to know what you want

I'm still searching for your answer

You don't know about detente

I'm still looking for a dance partner

 

(Chorus)

I'm looking for your new sign

I'm still waiting on your red light

We must overleap every lines

Cause there is a lot of lines tonight

 

When I talk to you, you can see

That my smile is versed only for you

How I can swim across the sea

When I am alone without you

 

From my heart to your soul

There're many barriers and embargos

But if I cognize your goal

I will tell you what I wish and want

 

(Chorus)

I'm looking for your new sign

I'm still waiting on your red light

We must overleap every lines

Cause there is a lot of lines tonight

 

(Bridge)

Together we can walk through walls

Together we can block every falls

Together we are stronger than ever

Together we will live forever

 

(Chorus)

I'm looking for your new sign

I'm still waiting on your red light

We must overleap every lines

Cause there is a lot of lines tonight

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi, ALyricman!

 

It looks like your writing in English is coming along. You're putting together a lot of interesting ideas and that part is coming along nicely -- but some of your grammar is somewhat awkward and sometimes just doesn't quite fit. Still, you're making a lot of progress at writing in a different language than your own, which is one of the hardest things to do, I think, for a lot of us.

 

Now, the sound of the words often works well and, frankly, in rock and pop these days, that's a big part of it. Also, if you're writing in English but not targeting the North American or UK audiences, the sound of your words may be more important than the specific words themselves.

 

Anyway, keep up the good work. You're really making some progress!

 

(And, don't forget, the more one gives feedback to others, here, the more likely it will be that one will get feedback.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...