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New Song


TravvyBear

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Hey guys, I wrote a new song for a 5 EP I'm going to attempt to make.

I'm only 17, and this is only like the 4th song I've ever written, so any critiques you guys have are well appreciated. This song was recorded really late at night, so I had to be pretty quiet, but it was more a tool for me to see how the melody gels.

 

 

Anyways, it's called We Die Together.

 

 

http://www.soundclick.com/reverb728

 

 

ps. This was recorded with Audacity and a 15 dollar mic, so it's probably not the best quality, but I try.

 

Edit:

Here are the lyrics, as they are rather tough to sort out.

 

You saw me at the worst of times

Strung out in the hallway, bleedin' from the arm

But I made you a gift

you blushed and smiled at me

 

But I saw you

I killed you

and I watched you die x2

 

I'm the worst kind of boy

You play with my mind like a toy

and you're the perfect kind of girl

I'm drunk and knockin' on your door

 

But I saw you

I killed you

and I watched you die x2

 

I fell in love you with

When I, hardly even knew, you

But you, turned me down

While I smiled like a clown

 

But you saw me

You killed me

and you watched me die x3

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Cool tune. I can hear that Nirvana and Beatles influence in your stuff.

 

BTW, was that your EJ-160E that you used on that? I have the same acoustic-electric guitar. Actually, it's the on acoustic that I have. I also have a Japanese tele. We have some similar gear and similar tastes in music.

 

Nice job :cool:

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Cool tune. I can hear that Nirvana and Beatles influence in your stuff.


BTW, was that your EJ-160E that you used on that? I have the same acoustic-electric guitar. Actually, it's the on acoustic that I have. I also have a Japanese tele. We have some similar gear and similar tastes in music.


Nice job
:cool:

 

Yeah, it was EJ-160E, I mic'd it as I'm not a big fan of the pickup on it.

Cool man! I love me some Tele!

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Yeah, it was EJ-160E, I mic'd it as I'm not a big fan of the pickup on it.

Cool man! I love me some Tele!

 

 

 

Yeah...it has a humbucker pick-up. If it's plugged in properly and stuff it's not that bad. But nothing beats a mic'd acoustic.

 

I like tele's too. I used to write my songs in some really weird tunings and the tele stays in tune better than any other guitar I've ever played. However, if it comes down to it I'd prefer a Gibson Les Paul....however, that just doesn't seem to agree with my wallet right now.

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I really like this song, good sir. :)

 

The guitar is catchy and I think the vocals really add a lot to it. Of course they could be improved slightly, things always can be; but I think they really fit the style you have going here.

 

Well done!

 

:)

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I really like this song, good sir.
:)

The guitar is catchy and I think the vocals really add a lot to it. Of course they could be improved slightly, things always can be; but I think they really fit the style you have going here.


Well done!


:)

 

:thu:

Thanks man

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Tell you what.......

 

Forget about the pitchiness, or any other technicalities....this is another cool tune from you.

 

Singing soft like that works great as it forces you to bring out the quiet emotion that really sells this song to the listener.

 

Works pretty well stripped down but maybe some soft strings or some other cool keys in strategic places would add some interest.

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Epic, but I have to agree on the vocals. I perfectly understand, but I think the song would be kickass if you could work out all the pitchiness. The tone of your voice itself is perfect for the song. The lyrics are fairly dark, which I like as well.

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I normally don't comment on lyrics unless they're posted somewhere -- but the bits I did get out of this song as I listened sounded more like black metal, morbid and violent -- which is definitely an interesting contrast with the gentle folkie sound of the music. But I suspect that there's more to it than that (God, I hope so), which is why I normally don't get into the lyrics unless I can read them somewhere.

 

Anyhow, the music and vocal moves right a long. The pitchiness is almost kind of endearing. But it's probably something you should intend on growing out of. Next time it might not be as endearing. ;)

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I normally don't comment on lyrics unless they're posted somewhere -- but the bits I
did get
out of this song as I listened sounded more like black metal, morbid and violent -- which is definitely an interesting contrast with the gentle folkie sound of the music. But I suspect that there's more to it than that (God, I hope so), which is why I
normally
don't get into the lyrics unless I can read them somewhere.


Anyhow, the music and vocal moves right a long. The pitchiness is almost kind of endearing. But it's probably something you should intend on growing out of. Next time it might
not
be as endearing.
;)

 

Heh, it's actually a, romanticized story that happened to me, the lyrics are pretty hard to understand them, so I'll go ahead and post them for people to read:

 

You saw me at the worst of times

Strung out in the hallway, bleedin' from the arm

But I made you a gift

you blushed and smiled at me

 

But I saw you

I killed you

and I watched you die x2

 

I'm the worst kind of boy

You play with my mind like a toy

and you're the perfect kind of girl

I'm drunk and knockin' on your door

 

But I saw you

I killed you

and I watched you die x2

 

I fell in love you with

When I, hardly even knew, you

But you, turned me down

While I smiled like a clown

 

But you saw me

You killed me

and you watched me die x3

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I liked this song a lot. Very creative - haunting, nice picking, melodically strong...Like others have said, you DO have talent! I think with correcting a couple of those 'pitchy' spots, you have a strong song here. Good job!

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I think you should definitely keep this song stripped down.

 

I like it as is. The vocals might not have been classically perfect, but they certainly portrayed a distraught/demented individual. So, I dug them fully.. especially the high parts because it sounded as if you were trying to resist the urge to show your emotions.. Good stuff.

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I think you should definitely keep this song stripped down.


I like it as is. The vocals might not have been classically perfect, but they certainly portrayed a distraught/demented individual. So, I dug them fully.. especially the high parts because it sounded as if you were trying to resist the urge to show your emotions.. Good stuff.

 

 

Thanks man, I've defiantly decided to keep it stripped down, I have been working on some small string parts on my keyboard though to liven it up a bit.

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