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Your Dark Shades (Very rough recording)


Swingfinger

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looking for any tips to improve lyrics/vocals/guitar... thanks

 

Your Dark Shades

 

So you'd sing lively at the moon

I'd call you crazed and out of tune

The sky sheds light on every word

It is the dark that you prefer

 

When you put on your dark shades

the world does not disappear

when you put on your dark shades

The world won't become more clear

 

we sit upon a pale white fence

golden grain blown and bent

we stow away at the base of a tree

you throw your Shades into the wheat

 

When you put on your dark shades

the world does not disappear

when you put on your dark shades

The world will still be here

 

So let us walk a long the land

bare feet friendly to the sand

faces brightened by the sun

won't put them out for anyone

 

When you put on your dark shades

the world won't disappear

when you put on your dark shades

I will still be standing here

I will still be standing here

I will still be standing here

I will still be standing here

 

[YOUTUBE]dzbnevybJQ8&feature=channel_page[/YOUTUBE]

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I think the chorus is too busy and too fast. You ought to change the chord pattern to be a bit different from the verse, and change the pace of the delivery of the lyrics so that it doesn't so closely match the verse. In this case, maybe sing them slower over a 4 chord turnaround.

 

Not that that's the only way...but it certainly needs something to break out of that one phrasing/chord pattern.

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I enjoyed it, though I couldn't decide if the rhythmic hiccups were purposeful or not. I think comments about injecting just a little bit of a change-up are worth considering. If worse comes to worst, you can go back to the original way.

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