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What We Can Do!


ALyricman

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Lyricman,

 

This song makes me think of Bob Marley. The sense of boundless optimism brings his song "One Love" to mind. Another one that comes to mind is Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On". This is a good thing--it seems like there's always a ready audience for songs lamenting the problems in the world, and urging positive change.

 

However, I think this song needs revision and tightening. There are many grammatical mistakes in the lyrics that need to be corrected. Many of the sentences have words that seem out of order in a way that confuses their meaning. It seems as though you were either in a hurry while writing this, or perhaps you learned English as a second language. (I don't mean that in a disrespectful way.)

 

Also, the song seems quite long. It may be that you're trying to cover too much ground in one song. I suggest picking out only the verses that most directly support what you're trying to say with the song.

 

Good luck.

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Thank you flatpickle. it is compliment when you compare this lyric with Marley's ''One love''.

I revised some lines. You can tell if you see any mistake. What lines I need to cut out for you?

Yes i learned english as a second language.

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