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New Hard rock Song for Critique (guitar + drums only)


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These are the lyrics for the song, have a bunch of different lyrics for the chorus but I'm not settled yet. I'm having a tough time assessing the exact mood of this song. I don't really know what vocal style to approach it with. I've sung these lyrics over a home acoustic version and it sounds okay, but I dunno. There are so many parts to this song and various sections I wouldn't sing over so I don't know how out of place everything is. What is your perception? http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7639217

 

Acoustic version

 

V1

Hang your soul to dry

Broke by the light

Wait in the moon's tide

Drip down the ocean floor

Mystery grows as days go by

Awake at dusk an afterthought

 

Interlude 1

 

V2

This is where the ride goes by

On roads you chose words to live

Taking form the paint is thin

Living in this skin

 

Interlude 2

Take another pill (Lives pass)

Take another sip (Floating by the sea)

Make a brand new lie (Hold on)

I can't be me

 

Chorus1

Born in the night

Brown by sight

You are you are you are you are

 

Jam/Solo Section

 

Chorus 2

 

Bridge (with lead guitar)

 

End (Lead solos to end)

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I like the acoustic version better than the electric version, but both of them are a little sketchy right now. It has kind of a modern rock/ballad feel - maybe a slow Soundgarden/STP sort of thing.

 

I'm not feeling the emotional heart of the song, or what it should be building towards. Right now it just kind of meanders, drops out, comes back, and ends, but I don't really understand why I'm being taken on this journey.

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I like the acoustic version better than the electric version, but both of them are a little sketchy right now. It has kind of a modern rock/ballad feel - maybe a slow Soundgarden/STP sort of thing.


I'm not feeling the emotional heart of the song, or what it should be building towards. Right now it just kind of meanders, drops out, comes back, and ends, but I don't really understand why I'm being taken on this journey.

 

THanks Rsadasiv (Ram) ... Perhaps when I put vocals over the electric version it will be understood. After the second chorus is when the lead is supposed to kick in, all the way to the end of the song, with a buildup in itself. So maybe when I get to doing that it will help. :idk:

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I like the big electric boom you get when you go from the arpeggio to the distorted chords.. the song lulls you in to a comfortable haze and then BOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! wake up!:D

I think the acoustic sounds really good too though. For recording, I would use the acoustic for the arpeggio and then bring in the electric..

 

at any rate, it's very atmospheric.

 

I don't think you're hitting the right mood with your voice. This is going to be one of those songs you really have to feel to sing in my opinion. SO dim the lights and put some stank on it.

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