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Songwriting Challenge 21 - Take me to the bridge - The Reveal


rsadasiv

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And here are the lyrics for "Don't Cry Tonight".

 

Close your eyes, and listen to my voice

Can't you feel yourself drifting away?

I know it's cold tonight, but I will keep you warm

Just listen to the sound of your heart beating now

 

Just rest your eyes, don't cry tonight

 

Close your eyes, you're safe right here with me

Can't you feel yourself drift into sleep?

I know it's late tonight, but I will hold you close

Just listen to my voice, and drift into sleep

 

Just rest your eyes, don't cry tonight

Just rest your weary eyes, don't cry tonight

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Farrah is not the most original songwriting exercise - it's the lyric from "Pictures of Lily", the verse and chorus of "Carol" and the bridge from "I Want to Hold Your Hand" (if you are going to steal, you might as well steal from the best ;)).

 

I mixed it in kind of a hurry. It sounded ok on the nearfield monitors, ok on the closed-back tracking headphones, ok on earbuds, so I went ahead and uploaded it. But listening in the car this morning the guitars (two tracks, hard left and hard right) were almost completely inaudible. :freak: Do you hear the guitars on your playback system?

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The guitars are almost inaudible. If you're lifting ideas, maybe try some T Rex mixes for your guitars. Roll off some highs and boost them all to hell.

 

BTW, Farrah rocks. However, I want to hear you sing it up an octave. The song is crying out for some teen sexual pleading kind of thing.

 

"Oh Farrah!!!!!

 

How do you do your drums and piano? I like the roomy tone. Is that all real playnig and instruments? It's very cool.

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bleeding out is tasty

great tone on the lead work

the layered vocals at the end are a great

 

I listened to Farrah before I read your follow up post and was thinking wait... but that sounds like... what...

cool tune I'll second Lee on the like to hear it sung up an octave notion

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guys, I'm much impessed with all 6 songs.. very tastefully done by all..

 

 

Empty Faith,, Bleeding Out I wouldn't change a thing. The orchestration on EF is pro. Very well played the way it comes in and out.

These songs are IHMO top of the line as is.. and although I preferred these two slightly over the rest (something about these just struck me) I can't say anything less about any of the others.

Benjamins Song great female vox,, kind of a Mazzy Star feel

Coming Through, Farrah, Don't Cry Tonight,, all done with very good taste..

I wasn't expecting so much acoustic work,, fine job on all 6

loved the piano work on Farrah..

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Thanks for the encouraging words on Bleeding Out gang. I feel like that is definitely one of my better efforts to date. I can't wait to put some drums and bass on Coming Through...I think that will really make a huge difference in that song...it's kind of "skeletal" at this point. I'll have to wait until I get home tomorrow to listen to the others, but I'm looking forward to it. Peace.

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Typing and listening...

 

Empty Faith--I'm not sure I can critique the lyrics, as I'm not in the target market. The chord progression seems a little... non linear, maybe? I didn't like the string sound in the intro, but when it reappears in the chorus, it's just the right addition to set that section apart. It's a little obnoxious through the second verse, though. Bridge makes for a nice change-up.

 

Bleeding Out--I love the guitar sound in the intro--both the tone and the playing. Vocals/lyrics sound a bit like Barry Manilow for the 00's, though. I like the feedback/ebow guitar in the background. Second verse could use some "added interest"--change in the picking style, a new sound, etc. Guitar solo is tasteful. As in Empty Faith, bridge is very well executed.

 

Benjamin's Song--the two-guitar intro works well. Was not expecting the female vocals. The lyrics are bone-simple, but it really works with the vocal. It gets really dull by the time the bridge hits--like Bleeding Out, some "added interest" could help along the way.

 

Coming Through--This one is crying out for bass/drums. It's hard to listen to it without. The lyrics are a little clunky in places--you hit the tag line beautifully, but lines like, "my friend" sound empty. Unless you're Jethro Tull, it sounds weird. Doubled vocal was pretty good throughout, and I like the way the bridge lands on the tag line.

 

Farrah--The piano seems outside of your style--almost a Crocodile Rock feel. I'm hearing the Hold Your Hand lift in the bridge. It's obvious enough to be homage, but also obvious enough to take me out of the song.

 

Don't Cry Tonight--wouldn't play

 

Reading through the other comments, I didn't hear the other lifts, Ram, so you're probably alright.

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brianwahl - Empty Faith

 

The intro/verse sounds a lot like Pachelbel's Canon to me. The pre-chorus/chorus is nicely executed. Not a fan of string sections in general, but this on works pretty well. Good job.

 

speierg - Bleeding Out

 

Nice - you definitely have that Sarah MacLaughlin falsetto leap going on. I like the acoustic. One of the electric guitars should go - the cross fade that starts around 1:45 - 2:10 is an ok band aid, but structurally the two parts should be fit together better. The overlapping vocals in the bridge/outro is too much in a similar vein to the overlapping guitars. Good song.

 

Massaro - Benjamin's Song

 

Not a fan of the breathy vocals. I think they could be ok on their own, but they sound totally flown in against the acoustic - the reverb space is not working for me at all. The arpeggio/bass pedal acoustic guitar gets kind of snoozy by the end - some variation, both compositionally and in the timing and dynamics of the performance would help.

 

speierg - Coming Through

 

I thought the arrangement of Bleeding Out was fine - I wouldn't touch that at all. Coming Out could definitely use bass and drums. I think the on/off left/right guitars could work, but something needs to be carrying the load down the center of the mix while the guitars so their thing.

 

MaxKincaide - Don't Cry Tonight

 

Good song - my kids were more into side 2 of "Magical Mystery Tour", but YMMV.

 

This just came back to me - I should record it some time - I used to sing this to my oldest son (who for some reason has always hated being clean) while he was being forcibly bathed:

 

Rubber ducky, rubber ducky

Wah-wah-ooh

Rubber ducky, rubber ducky

Wah-wah-ooh

He's your funniest friend in the bath

Bah-bah-oom

 

And when you're out of luck

And you're crying

Then you'll see your duck

And you start smiling

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Bleeding Out--I love the guitar sound in the intro--both the tone and the playing. Vocals/lyrics sound a bit like Barry Manilow for the 00's, though. I like the feedback/ebow guitar in the background. Second verse could use some "added interest"--change in the picking style, a new sound, etc. Guitar solo is tasteful. As in Empty Faith, bridge is very well executed.


Coming Through--This one is crying out for bass/drums. It's hard to listen to it without. The lyrics are a little clunky in places--you hit the tag line beautifully, but lines like, "my friend" sound empty. Unless you're Jethro Tull, it sounds weird. Doubled vocal was pretty good throughout, and I like the way the bridge lands on the tag line.

 

"Barry Manilow for the 00's"???...well, I guess it could be worse. He did have a great set of pipes. :) I'm guessing you thought the lyrics were a bit too drippy. I think the point about adding something in the second verse to change things up a little bit is a good one. I'll ponder that a bit.

 

Coming Through certainly does need bass and drums. I totally agree there. In fact, everything I played was done with those drums/bass playing in my head, so there is an obvious "hole" in the song right now. I was heading out of town for a week, so I thought I would submit this in it's unfinished form anyway to get feedback. The phrase, "my friend" was working for me, but perhaps that is because I have the background info that the song was written for...I'll revisit the lyrics and look for places that can be improved.

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speierg -


Nice - you definitely have that Sarah MacLaughlin falsetto leap going on. I like the acoustic. One of the electric guitars should go - the cross fade that starts around 1:45 - 2:10 is an ok band aid, but structurally the two parts should be fit together better. The overlapping vocals in the bridge/outro is too much in a similar vein to the overlapping guitars. Good song.


speierg -


I thought the arrangement of Bleeding Out was fine - I wouldn't touch that at all. Coming Out could definitely use bass and drums. I think the on/off left/right guitars could work, but something needs to be carrying the load down the center of the mix while the guitars so their thing.

 

 

Bleeding Out - I hear ya on the two guitar parts...in my head I was hearing that 2nd guitar part as being a very subtle, "off in the distant,' panned to the edges type of thing. But perhaps that part has too many notes and clashes with the more legato thing I'm doing with the main electric guitar part. I'll consider that and perhaps experiment with something that will blend better with the main part.

 

Coming Through - see my other comments on the drums/bass...I agree that they are a must. I can hear them as I play and listen to the song, but I just haven't had the chance to record anything yet.

 

Thanks for the feedback Rsadisiv and Chicken Monkey.

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Listening to all these on headphones:

 

Empty Faith - definitely recalls Pachalbel (sp?) with that descending chord progression. I like the tone of the vocalist, although in a couple of places, it sounds like he's pushing his voice just a touch too much...I do dig the emotional delivery though, so it balances out. Acoustic guitar sounds nice. The song has a nice overall feel to it. Seems to me some backing vocal harmonies would work very well in places to bring in some variety.

 

Benjamin's Song - Vocals are a bit too breathy for me...although the singing is on pitch and well-delivered...perhaps a different microphone choice for this vocalist would have helped? I also thought there was too much reverb on the vocals, but I guess that's a taste thing. It's a shame though, because the vocalist has a very nice voice. Some additional instrumentation or changes would help bring this song more to life...maybe add a shaker, or other light percussion, perhaps a violin would sound very pretty in the chorus, etc. Good start, keep developing it.

 

Don't Cry Tonight - I like the intro guitars. You kind of lost me though when the drums came in. The drums feel like they are coming from the house next door they are so far away in the mix. The heavy guitars also felt kind of distant for me. The vocal harmonies that came in later in the song were nice. The lead vocals work (there were a couple of pitchy moments, but nothing too awful). I like the song, just needs some work in the mix department I think.

 

Farrah - Nice old-school vibe to the overall sound. Vocals could come forward a bit I think...hard to understand all of the lyrics at times. I'm not hearing the guitars much except for when they "step forward." It's piano and drums for most of the song. The bridge might be a little bit too obvious in it's ancestry. :) I like the song though. Nice work.

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brianwahl - Empty Faith (

)

 

This is more like take me to the chorus but that's okay. It's a little repetitive sounding - maybe because the verse and chorus are in the same range. On a positive note the lyrics tell a good story and give the song some strength.

 

speierg - Bleeding Out

 

Nice song - I like the way you put the bridge at the end - sort of an outro bridge. I also found the falsetto added some nice flavor to the vocals. Good one.....

 

Massaro - Benjamin's Song

 

Nice to hear a girl singing for once...they're too few around here ;). She's also a good singer which is an added plus. Good song... I like the bridge - it's quite different from the rest or the norm but fits in very well....

 

speierg - Coming Through

Love the vocals, melody and lyrics. Not so much the rhythm. I would prefer soemthing a little more steady to allow the vocals to shine more. But...the main part (vocals) is great...

 

rsadasiv - Farrah

Real 50's or 60's vibe with the reverb and R&R pattern. Great story I'm sure millions would identify with. The initial chord on the bridge isn't working for me - not sure why but even after a few listens.... The rest of the bridge is perfect though....

 

MaxKincaide - Don't Cry Tonight

Good tune - sounds like Stevie Winwood... I'd pull the drums a bit forward....

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